A graphic showing a pile of beautifully wrapped gifts

Episode 67 – What to do with unwanted gifts

In this podcast, we talk about decluttering unwanted gifts you recieved over the holiday season. It's always hard to know what to do when you receive a gift you aren't fond of as we feel ungrateful or guilty. We talk about the emotions we feel and the actions we can take if we decide to focus on decluttering unwanted gifts.

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Transcript of this podcast episode

Intro  0:07  
Welcome to today's episode of The declutter hub podcast, your channel for super easy, no nonsense advice on how to declutter and organise your home. Please welcome your host professional organisers, Ingrid Jansen, and Lesley Spellman.

Ingrid  0:29  
Hello, and welcome listeners to Episode 67 of the declutter hub podcast. I'm Ingrid and I mostly, if you have clutter and want to sort it out, this is a show for you, as well as the free resources on our declutterhub.com websites, like the podcasts, checklists and guest blogs. We also have an exclusive area where we guide our members step by step to declutter their homes. We realise this can be very overwhelming. So we're there every step of the way. With courses live q&a s and a community discussion. Take a look on members dot declutter hub.com. Now in today's episode, Lesley and I are talking about the aftermath of Christmas and the abundance of things hanging about in the house and what to do with unwanted gifts that you have received. Lesley second podcast of the year, I know we could still so Happy New Year, can't we?

Lesley  1:24  
Yeah, definitely. Definitely. I hope that we've got some new listeners from our challenge this week. We're right in the middle of our challenge, aren't we?

Ingrid  1:32  
I know, I know. We're doing a a decluttering challenge a five day challenge. So hopefully you've all been inspired to join us and and declutter some items now in 2020. Yeah. So

Lesley  1:42  
hopefully, we've got some new listeners from our challengers. So if you're new to the podcast, you're very welcome.

Ingrid  1:47  
Yes, a very warm welcome on behalf of the both of us. And for those who've listened a little bit a bit longer. They know that I'm kind of the Dutch one with the funny accent, and Lesley's from the north of the UK. So we are just grateful, you can understand the word we're saying.

Lesley  2:06  
Exactly. So today, we're talking about all that stuff that finds its way into our homes over the Christmas period, whether that's toys, and excess of food, there's loads and loads of things knocking around. But some of the things that came in over Christmas, we don't really want. And I think that's fair to say we're like, we opened it on Christmas Day, we're like, oh, it's not quite really what I want. What am I going to do with that? And how am I going to get rid of it? without offending someone? Is that fair to say? Well,

Ingrid  2:37  
I feel Yes, yes, I feel very lucky that I don't have a lot of gifts. So I don't have this problem. But I can really understand that there are lots of people who have been given gifts with the best of the intentions. And you're open to depression, and you're like, Oh, I that's not my colour, or I really don't like white chocolate? Or why would I think that I would want to book about this topic? Well, when I've already got 20 or 30 books about this topic, or are they trying to say something but given me this presents? Exactly. I

Lesley  3:12  
think the problem is that sometimes when again, we talk about overwhelmed all the time, do we even Christmas shopping when you're trying to find things for people year after year after year, birthday after Christmas? After whatever celebration? It's hard. And so sometimes we do think that'll be fine. That'll do, even when we're giving gifts, don't we? And so it is a tricky one. Because we're left with that overwhelming feeling of guilt about actually offloading it, even though we know we're never ever going to use it. So how do we deal with the guilt? Now guilt is a huge, huge emotion when we're decluttering not just about gifts about the amount of money that we spent on things about wastefulness about the environment, we feel a lot of guilt. And that's what stops us in our tracks and times when we are decluttering resonating bread.

Ingrid  4:00  
You know what if you could give in something, people gave it to you with the best intention, but maybe they miss miscalculated it a little bit. Or maybe it was something you'd like in the past, but you're not interested now anymore anymore. But just by putting it in a cupboard never need to be looked at again. That's not a solution either. And that's why we're talking about discount. It may be an unpopular, but I think it's really important to talk about this, Lesley?

Lesley  4:27  
Definitely. And we can come to it from two different angles, we can come to it from a gift giver perspective. As in, you know, you talked about people giving gifts with the best of intentions and so we can talk about it from that perspective. And we can talk about it from the recipients perspective as well in terms of the guilt that they feel about getting rid of that or donating it or giving it away. So let's think about it as a gift giver. You buy something for someone, do you then insist that they're going to use it are you then going to go around and insist that you see that and see and use you know the Since that it's probably not. But I think as a recipient, we think that's going to happen. So a lot of people will give a gift with good intentions. So for me, and I know I come to it from a different angle, because I'm a Declutter. And I see lots of things that are given and kept for years and years unnecessarily. But I think if you're going to give a gift, allow that person to do with it, what they choose, whether that's to donate it to read, gift it and we're going to talk about all those things later about the possibilities if what you do is something that you no longer want. But yeah, just think about that. It's almost about allowing yourself not to become too wrapped up in, in what happens to stuff that you gave it and to know that sometimes you do make mistakes, and that the recipient shall be allowed to do with that gift, what they feel. Would you agree with that? Or do you think that's quite harsh?

Ingrid  5:46  
No, I definitely not. I really agree with that. Because I think it's all about the intention that somebody gets you a gift because they want to show their appreciation to you, as a friend or a family member, or as a neighbour or what however, whatever you are from each other. And it's the intention that counts, and not the gift itself, or the price tag on the gift. And some people do that with flowers, or with some homemade food, or a beautiful handwritten card, or a gift that's either cheap or expensive, it doesn't really matter. Everybody's got different ways of showing that appreciation. But I think it's really important that we let it go as soon as we give something away. It's then in the hands of the receiver to do what them what they decide is best when I agree, I think

Lesley  6:38  
you know, intentional shopping. And intentional giving is really important for people to go through that process at the given stage, in terms of what that looks like when it gets to somebody else, as you say and to just let it go once it's gone. And then it's up to you then to decide what you do with that stuff that might make us think a little bit harder about what we do give I know, for Christmas, I was very specific with my children that even and I still do a stocking for them and everything, even another and 20s that even stuff that went into their stocking, I wanted it to be stuff that they really wanted, and not just stuff that I was feeling a stocking with. So it was really important for me to ask them. If there's anything that you don't want that I typically get for you. If you don't need any boxer shorts this year, because that's what I put in the stock in most years. Please let me know in advance. Yeah. So it's kind of let me know things that you don't want maybe rather than things that you do. So there's various ways that you can go about that. We just wanted to shift perspective a little bit to the gift giver, as well as the recipient. But from a recipients perspective, the reason that people find it really difficult to get rid of gifts is because

Ingrid  7:46  
of guilt. Yeah, yes, I think so.

Lesley  7:49  
And we shouldn't really feel guilty. And we shouldn't be sort of overwhelmed with this feeling that someone is going to come round, and is going to have a go at us for not using that gift or not having it on display. And so I think we've really got to let that feeling of guilt go because what happens then, and what we see all the time Ingrid is when we are decluttering people's house, I can't get rid of that because somebody gave it to me. And they might come around and they might want to see it out on display or, you know, that person's probably forgotten all about giving it to you. So it's more about you and your it's your guilt stopping you from making the right decision about your stuff. And the last thing presumably that a person who gives a gift wants is for that to become a burden.

Ingrid  8:30  
Yeah. I mean, when did you ever go to your friend's house and go, Oh, by the way, Susan, how is the scarf that I gave you five years ago? I is still wearing it here? Don't do that? Yeah. Because you

Lesley  8:43  
know that things are transient, don't your things come and go out of people's lives. And we need to give people permission for that to happen. So think about that guilt. And think about whether that's serving you well in your current life with a holding on to that thing is serving your current life, you know, let the guilt go is a huge debilitating emotion when it comes to decluttering, isn't it? Guilt is such a huge one for loads and loads of different reasons. But gifts is a big one.

Ingrid  9:09  
Yeah. Can I make a tiny little sidestep here, Lesley, because it just suddenly made me think about is when people give us things that they no longer want anymore as well. I think it's really important when somebody says, Oh, I have a bag here of clothes, shoes, kids books, whatever it is, and they want to offload it to you that you immediately then ask, What do you want me to do with it? When I'm finished with it? Can I donate it? Can I give it to somebody else? Is there anything that you want back? So you've got that very clear from the start and it's almost I know it's a bit extreme when somebody gives you a gift and go, Oh, can I do this when I don't like it? But I think it is really important to kind of suss that out a little bit. You know, because the last thing you want is you is your friends to go after again after five years. How's the earrings that I gave you didn't Have you ever worn them? That's you don't do that?

Lesley  10:03  
Yeah. I mean, I think, you know, technology has made it easier over the past few years as well, hasn't it because now, when you buy something at a shop, they'll give you an option for a gift receipt. And so I will always include the gift receipt with any gifts that I give, because I think that I've made the right decision for someone, but it's not going to break my heart. If they decide that they don't want to just take it back and get I'd rather you take it back and get yourself something that you do want, rather than this thing in your drawer for the next five years. And so I think if we see it's a really great thing, actually.

Ingrid  10:32  
Yeah, so let's let's talk about some of the options then. So returning a gift to a shop is indeed one of the options, what you can do with an unwanted gift. So what do we need to look out for them? If we want to return gifts to the shop? Lesley?

Lesley  10:47  
Well, you know, it's interesting, really, because it's not just at Christmas, it's birthdays and everything. But quite often when we're working with clients, we see returns things piled up and not actioned. I think it's important to try and find out the returns policy of something that you've got, if you've got to get even if you've got a gift receipt, you need to know how long they're giving you because some of these returns policies are short, in my opinion, ridiculously short, you know, might only be you might only get two weeks from the point of purchase to return which is a little bit crazy. Quite often over Christmas, you've got an extended returns policy. And so they'll allow you to mid January, weren't they even from sort of mid October sometimes because they realise that people are buying things early, then giving them at Christmas, and then they need to have time to go back. So no about what the returns policy is, if you are going to return something, you are a gift giver as we as I mentioned before, a gift receipt is a fantastic thing to do. And it means that the the price is going to be upheld as well. Because if you then return something in January, and it's now in the sale, you're only going to get half the price for it. Even if you do get anything, they're probably going to give you a credit note on there with it without a receipt or nothing at all. So that's really important. But the one thing that I would sign, it's not just about gifts and Christmas gifts. One of the things that adds to the clutter all the time, you know, people that we work with, I've got clutter, tend to like shopping too, that kind of goes with the territory. And so we find so often piles and piles of things have not been actioned for returns. And I'm sure there's loads of people going oh, that's me. That's me. But yeah, it's just a bought it with intention of you know, so you buy multiple sizes of things, because you're not sure what's going to fit, you buy it online, and then it just never gets back to the shop, then it gets too late. And then you have to then give something that's full price at the charity shop or something. And it's a shame because it's wasteful, isn't it in terms of money and things. So really, really try and get on top of your returning items. If you are that person who buys online and buys multiple things, or different options. So yeah, it's really important to know the dates of the returns to know where it's coming from and to know what the returns policy is.

Ingrid  12:50  
Yeah, exactly. I know because like a lot of clothes now have this wide cart on the outside. And then you can only return it when that little white cart, that label is on there. And even when the text Hello moto if the label is off, then you can't return it. So before you if you do have an item and there's like a whole massive trip to make this happen to return this, make sure it's worth your while and that you make sure that you allow for that you can do all the rules that are connected to a returns policy. So lastly, if you can't return it or don't want to return it or it's too much effort, or it's actually a very small and cheap precedent, you think you know what, I'm not going to return it and I'm not going to worry about returns policy. Of course you can donate it. So let's talk about donations of unwanted gifts. What we've had several options, haven't we,

Lesley  13:44  
if it's a brand new gift, sometimes you feel better about it. If you do what's called a targeted donation, that means you send it somewhere very specific and not just for general charity sharp in terms of the way it makes you feel sometimes targeted donations make you feel better about your stuff, because you feel that it's gone to a specific place with a specific need. And so what I'm talking about are things like coats, going to homeless shelters, makeup, going to women's shelters, brows going to Africa, you know those kinds of things. So we talk about this quite a lot in terms of donations as well. So I think that's great. If you're just talking about a few small items after Christmas, that you want to offload to somewhere else targeted donations are going to work really well in standard decluttering when we're doing big volumes of clothes and different things around the rest of our house. Sometimes targeted donations can can mean that there's a barrier in terms of you getting things done because what you're doing is you're creating lots and lots of different actions for yourself to get to the same points. And so we are huge advocates of making it easy for yourself. Making sure that the charity shop that you're using does have lots of different outlets they have somewhere that they take glasses they have somewhere for Electricals and so they'll almost do the distribution of things themselves, even if they won't sell them, that can make it easier for yourself in terms of the barriers that stand in the way of you getting to the end of your decluttering process. We talked in the podcast last week, didn't we about things, stopping you from achieving what you want to achieve, and that's one of them, isn't it, you know, making it too difficult for yourself by having these multi layered things that you need to do before you get to the end point. So I think targeted donations can be really, really good. But you need to also balance that up with whether or not is going to make it too difficult. And whether you're actually going to action it or whether it's just going to sit in your spare bedroom for another six months before it gets done.

Ingrid  15:41  
I agree with you, I'm lucky enough to have a charity shop, that takes a lot of different items. So they target for me. And that saves me from trying to find lots of different options for stuff. But on the other hand, if you do know that your local shelter or your local playgroup or your your school is after certain items, and you can donate those items to that almost feels makes you feel doubly as good because you know that you've given exactly what they needed. And you can see, that's very helpful. What really great idea was I decluttered? You know, you call them Polly Pockets, Lesley, I don't think they're called Polly Pockets, but they're like the, they're like little plastic file folders that you can put paper in for like lever arch files, I decluttered hundreds, here's the hundreds of them from a client of mine. So I asked my charity shop and they were like, No, this is really something we really can't use. And I just really don't want to throw it away. And then I thought you know what, I'm going to ask the local school because I had actually with another client, take a look at some children's books, and some really good puzzles and things that are owed the school would really like this. So I donated it to the school and I also brought my home back full of Polly Pockets. And the girl at the desk at the at the phone at the at the entrance was like, Oh my gosh, this is fantastic. Because we use them all the time. And I was like, Yes, I targeted my donation. And I really made someone happy with it. But completely agree with you. You don't want to overcomplicate either. But if you know that your local women's group does a tombola or a raffle every month, and you've gotten some chocolates or some smellies, or some soaps or anything like over Christmas that you don't want. Those are perfect little gifts that you can do a target donation on. So that's

Lesley  17:36  
donations that we spoke about. So we've talked about returning things, we've talked about donating things, what do we think about re gifting things,

Ingrid  17:44  
I don't really have a problem with it, of course, you need to make sure that you don't give it back to the person who gave it to you. So so maybe it is very important if you are into RE gifting to put maybe a post it note or a sticker on it, who gave it to you. So you don't make that mistake. I don't have a problem with it. But I don't really do it either. I rather than give it to the charity shop. So they can make some make some money of it and make somebody else happy with it. But if you do read gifts, I don't have a problem with it.

Lesley  18:17  
Have we made it clear what re gifting is? No. Why is that? As a move? I think it's obvious isn't it, but re gifting is getting a gift that you don't want and then passing it on as a gift to somebody else in your family or friends. So that's what re gifting is I think, I think I agree with Ingrid, I don't have a problem with it, I wouldn't necessarily have a problem with it. If I was given something that I knew that I'd been really gifted, but it's not something that I do myself. I think that's where my head's at. And again, the circulation of goods around if it means that something is going to someone that's really going to use it more than you are then that's going to be a good thing.

Ingrid  18:57  
Yeah, you know, if somebody gives you for example, a book, or a cookbook, or whatever book it is, or maybe beautiful scarf and you like not fancy the colours, but you know that one of your friends would absolutely love that. There's nothing wrong with re gifting it. But how can you as a receiver of gifts, then make sure you don't get gifts you don't want. We always talk about let's not only put the burden on the gift giver, but what as you as receiver can be more open about maybe what you would like to have for your birthday or Christmas or whenever people give presents to you. When people

Lesley  19:36  
do ask all the time don't know. But I rarely say You know, my kids like what do you want for Christmas? So I rarely tell them because I quite like surprises. And that's mainly why I like surprises. That's the problem. But equally I think that I would much rather have experiences not stuff. So I'd rather spend time with people and I think that I do feel it was a big shift into society towards that not so much with little kids so much. But as people get older, I think people like me that stuff. So I'd rather go out for dinner with you. Or we'd rather go for a nice walk or go to the park or go to a pantomime or whatever that might be, I feel that experience is not stuff. And we definitely got a little nephew who's six. And we definitely have done that the last couple of years, his birthday is at the beginning of December. And we have bought him a theatre show or a panther man to go with his dad. Because we think that's better than just getting a toy for him, because he's just gonna have loads of other toys. And that's kind of a nice thing. And I'll probably and I remember, you know, with my kids going to the pantomime every year, and I just think that's a nice memory, isn't it? You're gonna remember that more than you're going to remember. An Action Man. Is that still a toy action?

Ingrid  20:47  
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Lesley  20:50  
Why am I showing my age now.

Ingrid  20:52  
It's true. Lesley, I did the same with with my daughter. And we actually I took her to the musical in the West End, because she just didn't know what she wanted to have for a birthday. So in the end, we took her for experience. And I might think that Harry Potter world is going to be very soon on mexus A wish lists from before his birthday and because he absolutely adores Harry Potter. So he wants to go to the Warner Brothers Studios here up in, in North London. So and you know what, and I enjoyed as well, you know what I mean? I'm thinking, what a lovely day, what a lovely day to spend together and do something. And last December, we went to Hyde Park to winter wonderland. And we saw that I sculptures, you know, so much more fun than receiving presents, in my opinion. But that's my way, I have a bit of an even more maybe a radical view on that. And that doesn't mean I never liked presents. But for me spending time with the people that I like, and our love is far more important.

Lesley  21:51  
Exactly. That's the problem. Because you know, the the experiences that we've been talking about, you know, Harry Potter World and Winter Wonderland and going to the theatre, these are not cheap things. You know, this costs a lot of money for security. But if you buy and if two people, I think that it's about it's all about intention, isn't it really talk a lot about intentional shopping and intentional spending. And I do think there's this big shift at the moment towards that kind of thing. I think a lot, a lot of people now are within families have over Christmas have gone down the Secret Santa route. Rather than buying something for every member of the family. Secret Santa definitely helps with the volumes of stuff. So you've only got to buy one gift rather than buying 10 gifts or something like that. And there are apps as well. I know we're past Secret Santa now. But there are certainly apps that you can use for Secret Santa, that also include wish lists on them as well. Obviously, you can actually, if you do want a Secret Santa, and there's a budget of 10 pounds or 20 pounds or whatever that might be that people can say, well, this is the kind of thing that I'd like you know, so that makes it easier as well, at least you putting things in there, you'd actually quite like to receive.

Ingrid  22:56  
Yeah. And I think it's also important that if you, for example, have a birthday coming up, and you know that a group of friends always buys presents for you, maybe you can say this year, you know what, let's not do that. But let's hang out and go for something to eat. Or if you are thinking about buying something, I really appreciate it but club together because there's a certain gift I have in mind that I would love to have, if it's a bit more expensive, instead of giving five different persons that you didn't have to find a home for in your house. So there's so many other ways to think about President giving. And what I spoke, I do quite a lot of talks as well for groups. And I always talk in the second half of the year. I say, you know, have you thought about Christmas? Or birthdays? Can you not give an experience? Or maybe if you've got a certain budget in mind, kind of put half in a savings account and the other other half spend on an experience or present. So people don't get overloaded with stuff all the time that they then have to donate or re gift or feel guilty about again.

Lesley  24:01  
Exactly. You know, I was while you were talking now I was thinking about teacher gifts. So at Christmas this year, again, I think there's been a shift. So when my kids were small, everyone would get the teacher something, you know, for scan five pound, 10 pound or whatever. But what seems to happen now is there tends to be a kind of class collection, don't the and people buy a bigger gift rather than loads of little gifts. We did a collection for our choir leader and gave him an Amazon voucher, you know, and so it gets a couple 100 pounds. He's happy as Larry because he's got something that you can go really do something weird, but I mean, that's a big group of people putting into a collection. And but isn't that better than getting loads of five pound gifts? You know,

Ingrid  24:40  
I think this way. The whole thing about clutter is it's just stuff that ends up in your house that kind of starts to linger in cupboards get shoved in somewhere, never to be looked at again. And I think part of decluttering is also stemming the flow of items coming into your home and making the dish sessions. This is an unwanted gift. It was the thought that counted, instead of putting in a cupboard and never looking at it again and then finding it three years later at it when you're decluttering, a cupboard somewhere to go, you know what, I'm going to consciously make a decision about this now, and not going to put it somewhere that I'm going to forget about it and never look at it again. And I think that's the message that we're trying to promote. It's not only about organising what you have, it's decluttering what you have, but also thinking about everything that comes through the front door, gift or no gift, what can you do to make less some komak stuff come over to check treshold of your house.

Lesley  25:38  
I think the last thing that I would like to say is, I do actually get a lot of gifts from people that I do like as well. You know, it's not all doom and gloom. And it's not like every single gift that you get you don't like it's more the exception than the norm. You know, a lot of times people are buying gifts or buying them with intention of buying lovely gifts, people that do want them. But there will undoubtedly be people who have got gifts that they no longer want. And what today was all about was trying to give you a little bit of food for thought about the thought process that you go through when you're trying to buy a gift for someone. And then if you do decide that you don't want to keep something, what are you what are you going to do with it? You're going to keep hanging around your house or you're going to do something positive with it.

Ingrid  26:19  
Beautiful wrap up Lesley beautiful wrap up of this podcast. So listeners. That's it for this episode, and we hope you've all enjoyed listening are inspired to take action. Are you going to gather up some of those unwanted gifts and are going to take action on them and donate them or bring them back to the shops or use your gift voucher and maybe buy something that you actually do want to have. So thanks so much for taking the time to listen today. If you've enjoyed this podcast, please leave a review and tell us what you think about the show. If you'd like to get more tips and advice please follow us on social media. We are an Instagram, Twitter and Facebook as at declutter hub, and we've got a lovely Facebook group where we chat all things clutter, you can search for the declutter hub community and we'd love to see you there. Take a look at members dot declutter hub.com To find out more about our membership. And if you don't want to miss the next weekly episode, subscribe to declutter hub podcast on Apple podcast, Spotify, Stitcher and iHeartRadio. And we'll pop into your notifications each Friday. See you next time.

Outro  27:29  
Thanks for listening to this week's episode of the declutter hub podcast. Check out declutterhub.com for more inspiration, and don't forget to tune in next week.

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Looking for more tips and advice on regifting? Check out our blog post below...

WHAT IS REGIFTING AND SHOULD I DO IT?

If the contents of your bathroom storage are thrown rather than placed, haven’t seen the light of day for many a year, and there’s rust from the bottom of your deodorant can all over your shelves, it’s time for some DECLUTTERING action.

Rule Number 1

Be ruthless. Be honest with yourself. If it hasn’t been used in 6 months, chances are it won’t ever be.

Rule Number 2

Don’t feel guilty. By keeping that expensive perfume that you never liked because it’s too strong for you, all you are doing is prolonging your guilt by reminding yourself each time you open the cupboard.

Rule Number 3

Be realistic. If the ambience in your bathroom is more My Little Pony than Molton Brown, having all your expensive potions and lotions on display might not be practical. Your spa sanctuary will come one day!

Rule Number 4

Be hygienic. Make up, perfume, toothbrushes, bath oils. They don’t last forever and can harbour nasties if kept too long. Check the bottles for advice. You’d be surprised how short the recommendations are and how fast 5 years goes by!

Rule Number 5

Be frugal. If you use the item in question but have ten half empty bottles, don’t throw them away. Do a bit of a David Beckham and line them up with the bottles with the smallest amounts at the front or, if you can, decant into one bottle.

Rule Number 6

Be different. Just because you always buy a 48 pack of loo roll every time you go to Costco, ask yourself whether the money saved is worth the hassle of storing it.