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Episode 257 – Dealing with friends and family on your decluttering journey

There are a number of things that stand in our way of a successful decluttering journey and one of the biggest is people. As if the stuff wasn’t hard enough to deal with, we need to navigate the thoughts and emotions of other people too. In this podcast we delve into how to deal with friends and family when you’re embarking on a decluttering journey

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Transcript of this podcast episode

00:00
There are a number of things that often stand in our way of a successful decluttering journey. And one of the biggest is people. As if the stuff wasn't hard enough to deal with, we need to navigate the thoughts and emotions of other people, too. In this podcast, we delve into how to deal with friends and family when you're embarking on a decluttering journey.

00:32
You're listening to the declutter Apple podcast, bringing you tried and tested no nonsense tips and advice from the leading experts in decluttering and organizing your home. Now here are your hosts, Ingrid Jansen, and Lesley Spellman.

00:55
Hello, and welcome, listeners. I'm Ingrid. And I'm Lesley. If you're new to the declutter hub podcast, you're so welcome. What you'll find is that we try and find a fun factor in the serious business of decluttering. And if you've been here for a while, you know exactly what we mean. So thank you so much for listening.

01:14
If you'd like to get involved in conversations related to this podcast, it all takes place in our Facebook group. So come and join our lovely, warm, supportive community. To find the Facebook group go to declutter hub.com, forward slash group to find out more, or you can search for the declutter hub community on Facebook. So, Ingrid, listeners before we get started, this may not go well, because let me tell you, Ingrid Johnson, today is a tad on the grumpy front. We have been laughing to try and get her over the hurdle. But And it's ironic, of course, that we're talking today about other people. Because people have kind of been getting into a little bit this week, haven't they're not within the decluttering world, I hasten to add, but other people just little bits and pieces here and there that have made you want to almost throw your teddy out of the pram might be the word that I might use when you've had cramping.

02:09
Well, you know what, Lesley, I always try to be cheerful and smiley, but I have got bad days, too. You know what I mean? I know, I agree. I was a little bit grumpy. But uh, we have I think I've made up for it. We've been laughing a little bit now. And I realized something very important that you reminded me of, and I thought, yes. And that cheered me up immediately. Because of course, tomorrow is our member Versary. How cool is that? And if you're listening and thinking, I have no idea what a member Versary is, let me tell you, because most of you probably know us from the podcast that you listen to every week in week out. This is podcast 257. I mean, that's a lot of weeks. But we also, of course, have the Facebook group. And we also have our amazing membership, where we help so many people all over the world with their decluttering and organizing. And on the second of September 2019, we started the declutter hub membership, how cool is that? So it's our member Versary. Do

03:17
you know what, as well as our member Versary, which is very exciting. It's my wedding anniversary, on the fourth of September 30 years 30 actual years of marriage should be celebrated. But to be kind of like, Oh, my word at the same token, so I don't know. You know, no, I am happy about it. But it's quite long, right? Yes. No, not many people make it to 30. Yes. Well, it's we were very grateful for that. And I know many people are 50 or 60 years, which is incredible, but 30 years. I'm not gonna lie. That seems like a really long time. I've been with Steve longer than I've been without him. Let's just say that. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, so it's a week of bursaries, member Versary. So, who do you Who do you wish happy anniversary to on the member? Versary? The members?

04:10
Definitely, yeah, I think we have to congratulate ourselves. Lesley. We definitely have to say happy anniversary. Remember Versary to our members. But I want to say Happy members, three, two, you see, four years ago. being grumpy to each other occasionally. Well, very, very seldom we actually have an argument. But overall, I think we yeah, we just keep going, don't we? So it's

04:41
all good. And you know, it's made even nicer by the lovely reviews that we get in so we wanted to talk about a review today from the lovely Cameron, didn't we?

04:51
Yes, she wrote in and said congratulations, Lesley and Ingrid. Well, that's perfect. It was for a two and a 50th episode but this works out brilliantly. Lee, and thank you for your wonderful positivity and energy. This can you get

05:05
out today Ingrid?

05:07
Yes, yes, Lesley Alicia, yet just fine. This podcast was absolutely fascinating. I knew podcasters had the team, but I had no idea how many people and the detail of their involvement. I wish more podcasters did this as who doesn't like a peek behind the scenes. I love the variety of your podcasts combination of interviews, and you too having a network, I can never too, so I love it. And thanks to Ross, who is presumed is reading this to or listening to this to keep up the brilliant and important work sending the warmest of wishes, Karen,

05:47
people are nice and gray, we're gonna talk a lot about people sometimes in a negative way, sometimes in a positive way today. But Karen falls nicely into the positive nice people can't doesn't. So thank you so much, Karen, for making our day. And yes, but today, we are going to talk a little bit about people how to deal with people when you are on a decluttering journey. So let's first of all, think about all the people that might be involved in some way and list them out Ingrid. Well,

06:18
you know, let's see, lots of other people are involved. And we might not even realize it. But of course, we've got our partner, our kids, maybe even our neighbors, our friends, our family, people we parents, parents, parents. Yes. I mean, that's, you know, I mean, we're not alone in this world. You know what I mean? We all have people around us some closer, some of it more far away. But yeah, there's always other people involved, I think.

06:48
And I think there's going to be the they're going to sort of fall into two camps really aren't that there's going to be those people who really know you and live in the home with you or enter the home. And then there's going to be those who don't, we've talked about neighbors and stuff. So neighbors might ever have an inkling of what's going on inside the house. And potentially might judge based on that. This is what we're really talking about, really is the judgment that's involved in it, aren't we Ingrid?

07:12
Yeah, absolutely. And I think the thing is, you know, when you feel judged, that is such a horrible feeling to get, and it really, I think ingrains on people's sold us in it, that near that, that feeling that other people are looking at me, they've got all these opinions about me, I don't like that, but how I cannot can't change how other people perceive me in this in this current moment. And it can be really negative, it can even be very debilitating, if you know other people judge you.

07:52
And I think sometimes it's also a judgment on ourselves. So sometimes, you know, you talked about perception there. So sometimes we might perceive that other people, I think it was in a certain way, when actually they're not gonna things like that. But let's talk about the types of things that family. So yes, we've got those people who live in our home, and they might be directly saying things to you. So they might actually be rate you for things that you have done, you know, for the you know, we've all been in those situations where there's a kind of mismatch in terms of who's doing things in the home chores, cooking, looking after kids, all of the things that involve in running a household. And sometimes there's a mismatch on one person feels hard done by and the other one kicks back a little bit. It's not an uncommon thing. But if that's something that happens repeatedly throughout your life, and that's when it becomes a little bit more tricky. Yeah, I think also, you as a child, then often, you become labeled often as the messy one, the disorganized one, the chaotic one, the one who likes to keep stuff, unnecessarily. So you kind of gather that label along the way in your childhood. So you even get judged and shamed in some ways by your parents, which is not healthy and not nice and sits with us for years, if not decades, right? Yeah,

09:06
yeah, absolutely. And I think you know, that it's really hard to then feel confidence in the steps you want to take to change that as well, because you've got all this negative self talk from all these years. And how are you going to turn that around and go, Oh, hold on a minute. I don't only have to convince my myself and other people or other people, but I even have to convince myself that I can do this, and tackle this clutter and work on this decluttering journey. And it can be a lonely place to be you know, if you don't have people that around you that support you.

09:39
I think it's really interesting because as professional organizers, we must have talked about this before on the podcast quite often we will get calls when I want to one work, where we go into people's homes, we get calls from third what we call third parties, right? So that means it could be anybody. It could be a friend, it could be a charity, it could be a parent, it could be a child. It could be a on all of those things who kind of come to us and say, my partner needs help, I'd like you to come in and sort this out very well meaning, of course, in the right in the right places, certainly we can help. But we can never help until that what person themselves wants help. And sometimes it can take people down a further path carnate into kicking back and really clinging on because often people have got different ideas, we've talked about this about depth, people have got different goals about what they want to happen, you know, if people are, you know, overwhelmed themselves with the clutter in your clutter, then let's, let's call it that, or what's perceived to be your clutter. They think it's your fault. And they want you to clear it, it's a kind of all or nothing scenario. Whereas you as an individual need a little bit of time to work through that and to do it in your own way. And so I think, often, honestly, when we have third party referrals, and people contact us, less than 50% of the time, we actually end up doing that work successfully. And so often, even at the consultation stage, we will have that chat about it, we will realize that the person is not ready, they need to go away and talk that through amongst themselves a little bit. And then we'll be there waiting when both people are on the same hymn sheet as I say,

11:14
yeah, absolutely. Because the thing is, partners or other people reach out, because in their opinion, they're at the end of their tether. And they try to get the other person to clear up and tidy, get up and do this and do that. And they've, they've tried to make that happen. And in their opinion, they have either failed in getting that message across or in their eyes, you as the person with lots of clutter is failing them to provide what they want. So it can be quite negative. And if you as a person that suddenly decide, okay, I want to declutter, I know that that's the right way forward for me. And you go, Okay, I'm going to do this, the people around you might go well, that's nice. But you we've we've seen in them that heard that before, you know, what's different this time? And why do you think you surely can change this, like, Whoa, I haven't even tried and you already given up on me already. So the confidence that they tried to build up in themselves to to step over that hurdle of I'm going to give this a go, and I want to give this a try. It's already been kind of broken, you know, it's already being built up again, before you even started, you really need, you know, it's hard. fleshly, it's hard.

12:27
It's really hard. It's the hardest thing really isn't it is the dealing with other people, if if that's your scenario, some people could go on that journey alone, and it's fine. But sometimes it's nice to have the support of other people, and necessary to have the support of other people. And we typically look at things because the people that come towards other people that are struggling with external sources, but don't think that we don't have great sympathy for the people who have been impacted by that clutter as well. So their thoughts, their feelings, I've justifiable in the same way that yours are, it's just that we need to find a way to bring these two together. And we are going to talk a little bit about potential ways that you can do that later on in the podcast. So I think, you know, just jumping back to that thing that you were talking about Ingrid, where you're ready, but everybody else is like, well, I just don't believe you that you can do it. We've got you know, they don't believe it, because you've done gone on a decluttering journey 50 times before, and you just go full gusto and then don't do anything, and it never gets any better. And so you can understand, of course, people are a little bit like, Yeah, I'm not sure this is gonna work. But equally, you need to communicate fully to that person to explain how you're feeling and what you'd like to happen. Yeah, that they give you a chance you need to be given a chance. Right?

13:43
Yeah, absolutely. And I think, you know, I think it's sometimes giving it a chance as well is just as important as being able to share what you're doing, and being open about it. But that can be hard. Because lots of times we see less these days, that clutter can be quite secretive. People on the outside look very well put together, they you know, are on time at work and in their volunteering and with the kids, but they don't let anybody in their house because it's kind of best kept secret almost. And it's like, if you're going on this journey, how far do you want to go yourself? How far are you willing to share? And how far are you trying to get other people on board with this one? It can be you know, it can be tough in the past?

14:29
I think it's a really tough one because I would say you know, if we are working on a one to one basis, and even within the decluttered membership as well, actually, there are people who are in the membership, whose family don't know they're in the membership. Equally, there are people who come to us as the clutter fairy who don't share that with anybody until they're ready. So I think there's an element of being ready so they will do it eventually. But But I think that stems from a place of I need to go on this journey on my own and I don't need anybody trying to put me off and say that I can't do it because I feel as if I can do it, I want to try myself and get myself to a stage where I feel that I've made headway into it. And then at that point, I'll share. And so it's unusual for people to keep our services on a one to one basis secret forever. But it's quite common for them to keep that secret at the beginning was is that your experience as well,

15:26
most of my clients have shared with their family and well, maybe their family, they close with their partner or something like that, there have been a few that have said, Oh, you need to come when my partner isn't here, because I want to grow in confidence to to do this. And I feel that I have to do this myself first. But most of my clients, the partners are aware which which is nice. I think

15:53
that you know, if you can get both people on the same page at the same time, if there are if the if it's a couple that we're talking about here, that I've got the responsibility for the home together, it's so so powerful, isn't it? Ingrid? Yeah, you know, we've got a few couple combos in our membership. And, and the fact that two people are doing this, doing the work, doing the thinking and doing the learning, having the light bulb moments together is so so powerful, and we love it because it's it typically tends to be a solo journey, doesn't it in your own home, it can be obviously within the membership. It's not a solo journey, because got other people that understand things. But in your own home, when you're actually doing the work. It typically is you on your own unless you ask for help, which we're going to talk about later. So I think the other thing that we wanted to talk about, it's so complex, like it's it's it, honestly, it's a question that we get asked all the time. So if we go on to not really within the podcast, and within the membership, because people kind of know what we think about that. But if we go into radio shows, TV shows, you asked it on the TV, and when you want that TV show, how do you get other people on board? It's like the biggest question that people ask because that's the frustration. And that's the thing that people struggle most with, isn't it? So it's a tough one. And we've not really found the actual answer because it's so reliant and so dependent on the nature of the relationship that you have with those people, right. So it's people are not simple, you know, stuff is simple emotions, not simple. People, not simple. Just I mean, that's the thing. That's why it's never about the stuff. There's one more thing that we wanted to talk about, in terms of other people, where it's almost a sabotage situation isn't English. So you, let's say that you have gone on this decluttering journey, you're, you have made great strides, your house is looking great. You're learning about yourself. You've curved your own retail habits, all of those kinds of things. Other people can sabotage that can't Ingrid?

17:47
Yes, yes. So many examples of that, you know, people passing on their hand me downs to you. But even the hand me downs that they normally would not accept themselves because they just want to shift stuff from out of their house. It can be grandparents trying to treat the grandchildren on their weekly visit and give them something every time. While they're fully aware that you are trying to declutter your house, it can be family and friends that you know, bring just too many gifts and too many birthday gifts when they face it, when they visit, every time they come to your house. It's all these things as well. So you're trying really hard to be better with your spending to be better for the environment, to have less staff to have more space to spend less stuff cleaning and organizing and tidying, and then the outside forces kind of come into play. And it's like oh my gosh, I'm like I'm trying to tell you people just stop giving me stuff. I don't want it I don't need it. And don't give it to my kids either. We can't give it to you. Let's give it to the graduates here give this to your mom or dad or or let me spoil you and I mean, trust me there's nothing wrong with you know, grandparents spoiling their children but I think it can be comfort frustrating when is the oh here's another five small little things a little note books and extra pens and pencils. He's like we have 100 of them. We don't need more stock buying all this stuff.

19:24
Yeah, exactly. So hard habit to break, isn't it? Yeah, I think there's just one thing you know what we've been talking about English. We've been talking about the kind of the fact that it's difficult when you're trying to embark on a decluttering journey when people are giving you things what we've not spoken about which is a whole nother angle to other people is when other people throw your stuff away without your agreement now that is damaging. And that's a whole nother podcast in itself, isn't it because that is damaging for life for a lot of people, right?

19:55
The thing is Lesley, those things hit so heart that people remember them forever. And the sad thing is it can really, really hold people almost like hostage in trying to move their own situation forward or asking for help. Because they that one bad experience by somebody else throwing something away that that was so precious and was so special to them, they are then going to think that that will happen all the time. While at the time it was either a mistake, or it was purposely done. But it because they out of spite or out of whatever anger or you know, there's a whole host of emotions connected to that. All it was just an honest mistake. But because that item was super special. It's something that you remember forever. And that can really kind of over over your whole decluttering journey and how you want to go through your stuff how you will will or will not let other people help. If you trust somebody else to help you. I think it's all after with trust Lesley. It is all

21:02
absolute to do with trust. And so, yeah, so we started off on a high, even though you're a little bit grumpy, we've gone into the doldrums of thinking that everybody's against us. And now perhaps we need to lift it. And after the break, we're going to talk a little bit about what you can do to make sure that those lovely people around you that are really well meaning do things that are going to enhance your decluttering journey rather than detract from it for you after

21:26
the break. Okay, Lesley, I'm ready to talk some positivity because it got a bit very, it got very serious before the break, didn't it?

21:36
Exactly. So you know, you started to talk about trust in you, which is really important. You know, you need to trust the people that are around you to do the right thing by you. And I think one of the big problems that there is quite often is that we talked before about secrecy a little bit, and the fact that a lot of people are a bit more secretive for loads of different underlying reasons, people are secretive. And so I think that people are open with their communication about what they want, and what is needed. So all of this when it comes to other people, whether that's in work, whether it's relationships, boyfriends, girlfriends, friends, whatever, everything boils down to communication in the end, and this is no exception. So if you want somebody to come on board to support you that you can trust to do the right things at the right time, to say the right things at the right time to step in and do practical things for you when you need, you need to communicate that effectively. And so you need to work out how other people can enhance that journey. So what sort of things are we talking about when it comes to communication and grid?

22:36
I think it's been being very clear in what you need, and not being vague, you know, kind of saying, Oh, can you just help me with my decluttering? With my decluttering? People, of course want to say well, yes, but they're not really sure what you're asking of them. So maybe it's, I would love help decluttering this kitchen drawer and I know the things I would like to keep, there's a couple of things I'm unsure of, and I would love your opinion, to help me make decisions about the other couple of bits that I've put to the side? Can you have a look at this for me? And can we look at this together and see how we can work it out?

23:12
Exactly. So I think it's things like that. So it's it's practical help like that. It's also emotional health as well. So you need to communicate what you need emotionally. So, you know, decluttering is not an easy task, you know, particularly all those other things that we've spoken about into the mix. And so sometimes if you've found it tough, it's important to be able to share that with somebody and say, you know, I feel like I've done really well in this. But I'm still really stalled on these few things that hopefully somebody can say the right things to you, and shiver you up and go, You know what, you're actually doing an amazing job and look at the progress that you've made. And don't worry about that and come back tomorrow, I think, I think we need that emotional support. You know, I think we need you know, a lot of people in the Facebook group post before and after pictures, because they know that they're going to get that positive feedback that they require to keep them going. So they have to come into into a group where people understand it and are going on the same journey to give them that positive boost. And sometimes we don't get that at home. But I think it's important to to explain that that's perhaps what's needed. If you feel able to do that. It's hard, right? Sometimes, if we're not really open people, it's hard to suddenly go, oh, I need you to be nice to me and say positive things to me, because everyone will be rolling their eyes and going we've got our own things to deal with, you know what I mean? So just move on with it. But so, but if you can, if you need that emotional support, and that's what's lacking, because a lot of people, some people need practical support. Some people need emotional support, and other people need support at the end of the journey to then carry on where they left off, if that makes sense. So it's like I've done my bit now. And now I want you to carry on the great work that I've started and start to look at the things that are kind of yours. Does that make sense? Yeah, there's different needs for different people. But it all stems with that communication and people are not mind readers. And so you might be feeling terrible inside about something that's happened or Something that somebody has said, or some little remark that somebody has made that that, you know, has hit you hard. But you almost need to say that don't Yes. And say, You know what I'm really trying here. And that thing that you said the other day really upset me a little bit. So can you just hold off on saying those kinds of things? Because I'm trying that kind of thing? I don't know. We're not marriage guidance counselors. But I think communicate everything right.

25:25
Yeah. But and I think literally, that's, I think what our members love so much about our membership as well, right? We are their biggest cheerleaders, we always have a kind word, we always try to be positive, we always try to say, You know what? Well done. Good, free. Fantastic job. Try this, try that, you know, keep going. You're doing fantastic. And I think when you're used to a lot of negativity, it can be just, you know, those kind words that can really help you over the over the kind of, Oh, am I doing the right thing here? And am I doing? Am I okay, you know what I mean. And I think that was really what our members love so much as well about the membership.

26:09
I think the thing is about, about whether that's us too, or whether that's other people within the membership, they then come into that with a different knowledge base. And perhaps somebody in your family who's never really even bothered about decluttering, or thoughts about it, or whatever, other than seeing the results of clutter. And so I think we understand the bottom line is we understand all of the emotions, we completely know all of the things, not maybe not all of them, but we have a good sense of pretty much all the emotions that range within clutter, and where those things have come from and traumas that people have had and the difficulty that people have with time and all of those kinds of things, mental health, you know, so we come from a place of real understanding and knowledge. And a lot of people in your family don't get that you only have to see that on, you know, decluttering shows hoarding shows, TV shows, and the judgment that comes from people who don't get it at all, because they've never struggled with that, or they've never experienced that. And then they're just like, wow, it's just really simple. Like, why you find it so difficult. Just throw it away. It's simple, and it's like, but it's not simple. It's something that a lot of people don't understand. And so that's why communication, then, and communicating to people might make them sit up and pay attention. Because if we struggle along the load without saying anything, how are they ever going to learn to be better? So I think it's a little bit of that. So I am all for kind of openness, but you've got to work out what that looks like in the relationships that you're navigating, I guess.

27:38
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And you know, what, what we see is that partners do come on board, but not on our one of the one, right, you see that in a membership as well, we had, we have a member who's been absolutely doing fantastic work. And she suddenly said a post and said, Wow, my husband or my partner actually started decluttering something and I didn't even have to ask him, he did it out of himself. This is amazing. But that is weeks, or maybe even months of, of her doing her work, plodding on making great steps forward. And suddenly things start to shift in a more positive way. And then the other people in the house seller go, you know, we like we like this, this is fantastic. And once you kind of had that turning point, that is that is such a good place to be in when other people are also thinking to themselves. Yeah, I like me, some of this is fantastic.

28:43
Yeah, because they see the positive changes. And so I think, you know, we've certainly seen that in the work that we do that people don't necessarily understand the emotional connection to stuff, but what they see is the practical application, and the result, the practical results and go, I want a little bit of the piece of that puzzle that my partner has gone or who whatever that might be in your, you know, that looks amazing. However she's got there, I want to do a little bit of that as well. So it does happen. And we don't quite know because we don't know relationships, do we? We don't quite know when the penny drops or when it moves shifts into a different place. But often it does really often doesn't it? Indeed, and that's what we really love. But I think you know, what we say mostly to people who are like frustrated by the kind of, you know, non non acceptance of a partner or the inaction or whatever that might or the lack of support all of those things is go on your own journey. You know, don't it's not you need to communicate it if you want to if you need to communicate it but don't feel resentful about what other people are doing because you can't change the pathway or the people. They need to come on board themselves when it the time is right for them. So you need to concentrate on your own journey and your own way and you need to go through that sort of journey of I mean, I wouldn't say enlightenment, because it often is Enlightenment people, because the light bulbs are going on all of the time. And that self awareness is growing. But the best thing that you can do is go, okay. I really, really would like their support. And I might communicate it when the time is appropriate. But if they're not fully on board, as long as it's not detrimental to your journey, then don't worry about other people go on your own journey in your own way. And then slowly, but surely, it will start to filter out a little bit. And you know, and I'll tell you, I'll tell you, the one thing that is incredible really is with kids, isn't it when kids come on board, because they're ready to lap up this learning. And when they see their parents going down this journey, and they start to think, well, I might maybe want to, and they'll put it in, in simple terms, like I want to throw some of my stuff away too. Or I want to pass my stuff off to the children or whatever that might be. So one of the best things that you can do is you can start to train your own children as early as you can. So that they I've got the principles of decluttering and cheering, repurposing, and donating fully nailed when they're young, when they've learned to when they've got time to get that solidified. Yeah, absolutely.

31:12
And I think you will not only see the benefits yourself, but it's also all those life skills that you're teaching them as well right about indeed, donation and recycling and asking for less and making things last and taking care of your stuff. Because if kids have hundreds of things, it's really hard for them because they feel overwhelmed the amount of stuff and I think when you teach them categorizing and decluttering, and organizing and all of the things, it's so beneficial for them. And in the way they also take better care of their own items as well. It's it's amazing to see, and we've seen that with happen with children of the members in our membership, right? They've, they've come on board, and they've grown so much as well themselves as us as children, and helping their mom or dad with their decluttering and trying to contribute in their own way or coming on board or, you know, it's amazing to see.

32:12
And it's a powerful skill, you know, to understand how to manage your own stuff and your own belongings when you're, you know, between naught and 10, or five and 10 is such a great life skill is going to stay with you really quickly. Yeah,

32:29
absolutely.

32:30
Have we we've been positive about people negative about people.

32:34
I hope so I hope so it's you know what, it always starts with yourself, right? That first step starts with yourself. And I think sometimes people who are afraid to take that first step, and can't find that support within their own family or in their own home, look outside and want to find, try and find the community of people that can support and motivate them because they want to feel part of something bigger, you know, and that's what we aim for with our podcasts with our Facebook group. And of course, also with our membership and with the challenges that we do. We want people to go, Ah, I love the declutter hub community. Those are my kind of people that feels like a safe place where I can share. Well, I feel at home, when people understand how hard it is to declutter where I can celebrate my wins, where I can share a hard thing that's happened to me or a mistake that I've made. And that's what exactly what we've been working on for so many years, Lesley, you know, four years member Versary tomorrow. But that's what we aim for is that people find a group of like minded people where they feel they belong. And I think, wow, how lucky are we that we can be a part of that and to be a place a safe place for people where they feel ready and willing to share and be motivated and supported? And yeah, did the clock and up family what can I tell you?

34:02
So she's about to start. She started getting all emotional, I'm gonna go cry, and now she's ended it you can see those tears in her eyes. If you're watching on YouTube, that single getting all the emotion about our decoteau family. And we feel the same. So yeah, don't give up. Those are the places to go if other people are not supporting you in the way that you need. So, so yeah, that's That's it through one bit of a deep one, right.

34:29
I know. It's a very deep one. But it's important, you know, we we love to laugh. You know, we weren't we and one of our main aims is to make decluttering fun, but it's also important to talk about these things and yeah, so happy member Versary bestie Declutter.

34:47
actually forgot my name. I'm like, She's literally

34:48
forgotten. I just wanted to be Lesley I ended up I want to say like a Google cool term, but I can only come up with the top prom bestie

35:00
Because, yes, happy member Versary bestie. I can't think of anything more better to say. Anyway, I'm not on that. No, we better go. And we will see you all next week.

35:13
Thanks for listening.

35:19
Thanks so much for listening to the declutter hop podcast. Don't forget to subscribe to us in your podcast player so you don't miss an episode, and we'll see you next week.

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Episode 361 – Decluttering for yourself – why Swedish death cleaning might not be for you

Episode 360 – Gretchen Rubin – The secret to happiness in a cluttered world

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Bethanie Branton says:

22 November 2023 at 7:11 PM

I really felt this was a great topic! My dad has a lot of antiques and general stuff. All of his porches were covered. *We live in TN in the USA snd we have large porches snd multiple porches. He has 5 porches. He really wanted to clear them off which is something he has done and said many times. However, I decided, even knowing that the porches would not stay clear, that i wanted to help him clear all the porches off as his birthday gift. He didn’t need any physical gift. He loved that i came over and would tell him ‘let’s to this small pile and then if we want to do more we will if not we will stop for the day.’ We almost always ended up getting quite a lot done. He would tell me that just having that companionship there was the most helpful thing. And no matter how little we did i made sure to let him know how proud i was of him. How proud of all the work he did; i feel that was the best motivation.

Reply
1. Lesley Spellman says:
  
  23 November 2023 at 8:43 AM
  
  How lovely to help your Dad in that way x
  
  Reply
Liz Charpleix says:

18 September 2023 at 5:22 AM

Ah, goodness, family sabotaging my efforts… I have never had a lucrative income, and had a childhood in which I was aware that my parents didn't have a high income, so I've always been very frugal in my habits. My father liked to give the best presents he could, but my mother, especially after Dad died, would only give good presents to my sisters (who were way more money-and goods-motivated than me). If Mum gave me anything, as often as not, it was stuff she no longer wanted for herself but couldn't be bothered figuring out how to get rid of. I really think she thought she was doing me a favour by 'recycling' stuff instead of tossing it, as she thought I would be pleased with her actions. Nope, it just made me feel like a personified rubbish bin.

Reply
1. Ingrid Jansen says:
  
  21 September 2023 at 12:04 PM
  
  So sorry to read this Liz. It must have been so disappointing for you that your mum thought she was helping you or doing you a favour. I can imagine that is hard to come to terms with, especially since she did give good presents to your sisters. Thinking of you, since you are worth of the best!
  
  Reply

Episode 257 – Dealing with friends and family on your decluttering journey

Episode 363 – Before you blame the clutter are you doing these 10 things?

Episode 362 – The Roots of Clutter: How Britain became a nation of stuff with Professor Jane Hamlett

Episode 361 – Decluttering for yourself – why Swedish death cleaning might not be for you

Episode 360 – Gretchen Rubin – The secret to happiness in a cluttered world

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