Episode 418 – Nesting isn’t just for new babies

Ingrid: Nesting is something

we associate late pregnancy

that's sudden urge to clean, organise. and prepare for a new baby. But what if nesting isn't just a last minute hormonal rush

What if it's Actually

something we can do before any big life transition to make things calmer, smoother, and more manageable? In today's episode, we're talking about why waiting until the baby arrives or the change happens is often too late. Whether it's a new baby, a house move, or a life shift, clearing the decks in advance can make all the difference. Let's rethink nesting together.

Ingrid: Hello and welcome listeners. I'm Ingrid.

Lesley: And I am Lesley. Now, if you are here for the very first time today, or you've been listening in for ages, we want to say a huge thank you we have a little favour to ask.

Ingrid: If you like what you hear, be sure to hit that follow or subscribe button. Share us with your friends or leave us a review. It makes a huge difference to us.

Well, Lesley, hello. we're talking about babies today. that is long before us, Lesley. Long, long time ago, but.

Lesley: and it all came about didn't it? Ingrid, because I was telling you about my Lovely friend, In Northern Ireland, her daughter just had a baby this weekend. I was waiting, like on tenterhooks, you know when the baby's due. And I'm like, oh, it's going a long time, it's going a long time, you know what I mean?

Like that kind of thing, but you don't, ask. And, so yeah, so she finally had her baby little Ava this weekend. So I was like, let's not podcast about babies, Ingrid. And then I thought, Yeah, there's a lot of our people in our world and maybe not at the baby stage. A lot of people that are, but a lot of people who are beyond that.

But I think we might have some grandparents in the mix and things like this. So don't worry. We're not talking about actually giving birth. We're talking about nesting, which is something different. And the interesting thing about nesting it is something that often gets talked about when we're talking about having a new baby.

but it's something that we think you can do. Whenever you go through any life transition, Ingrid, I.

Ingrid: Yeah, I think there's a lot of life transitions for people and I think we really realize that until much later and go, wow, my life really changed at that point. Whether it is, due to COVID, so many more people working from home. It might be indeed having a new baby or grandparents and thinking, I've got a spare room, but where my kids used to sleep and now maybe they, it can become a grand, a, room for the grandchildren.

Or maybe it's you know what, I'm retired now and. I no longer need that home office. I can just have a little bit of a tablet on the kitchen table and that home office where I've, so many hours slaving away behind the

computer, I'm gonna turn it

into a craft room. So it can be a lot of different things.

And I

think big life changes happen to all of us. And some of them are fantastic, some of them are hard, some, can go either way, right? But we all have to deal with them

because everybody's life changes

all the time.

Lesley: It does indeed, it does indeed. So really, when we talk about the term nesting, it really is, as we say, it's about a lot of people relate it to having a new baby. but what's it all about really? I guess that if we think about it really, England, it's about wanting to feel in control before something That's gonna be outta control probably happens and it's about creating safety. It's about creating calm yeah, it's really about that preparation for uncertainty Whatever that is particularly when it comes to a new baby, and I think as well it's about reducing The overwhelming feeling that sometimes a house can bring before that change comes in.

before we move on talking about things, Ingrid, were you a nester? Did you nest before Max and Ann came along?

Ingrid: I think I did. I have to go back nearly 20 years now and I was still living in Ireland at the time in Dublin, but I remember. Vividly because Max was born in August, and it was a really hot summer and I remember eight and a half months pregnant deciding it was a really good idea to mow the grass with like was like. Out me. I was like about to pop and I thought that grass is looking really long. Let me mow the grass. And honestly, when I told my husband, his boss used to, was,

around in his office and he had me on speaker

and he said, oh, hi Ingrid, say hi to, to my boss. And he is Did, I overhear you just saying?

Did, were

you actually just cutting the grass? I was like.

yeah. And he was like, you are not

allowed to do that. You need to sit down on the sofa, put

your feet up a rest up. But

think for me it was because I was feeling really good. I

feel I had everything ready. The, room was ready, the back was ready, the pram was ready.

I in my head, I was like, sit, sitting there, twiddling my thumbs and going, I might as well cut the grass over at it.

Lesley: the interesting thing is, Ingrid, and I was the same, I don't remember any nesting before subsequent children came along. So you are saying this 20 years ago. It's over 30 years ago, of course, since I was nesting, I was like, so yes, but I'm not sure that I was doing too much nesting when the others came along.

Maybe it's like a FA first baby thing. not that I can remember, but I think the problem with nesting, for a lot of new young moms and dads, you are only getting people are wanting to max out their maternity leave and they're probably leaving like, Sometimes two weeks, max three weeks before their actual due date.

And that's often when, for some, not for everybody, energy is at its lowest rather than at its highest. Or you've got, there's no reason why you can't cut the grass when you're pregnant, when you're nine months pregnant, If you feel good enough to do that, go for it. Do you know what I mean?

A lot of people do that because they're trying to like, Okay, gonna get something going here. Let's get this baby out 'cause you're done by then. But I think quite often. You become a little bit more reactive rather than intentional at that stage, don't you? You're reacting to what's coming, and then you can be in a little bit of a panic, you know, about, Oh, I need to get the grass clean 'cause there's no, cha. you just think that life is about to completely change.

You'll never have time to mow the grass again if you don't do it there and then. but the problem with that, of course, is that if you become more reactive, it can, of course, lead to you feeling overwhelmed. So this is. not. Other people, apart from Ingrid, who was mowing the lawn, it may, you may get halfway through and think, yeah, bit, little bit off a little bit more than I can chew, or something like that.

Maybe I'm a little bit tired. Maybe it's not quite as easy to pick up that lawn mow without, I thought it was, that kind of thing. And that can then lead to these half finished projects or,

like that, or fat general fatigue, whether that's decision fatigue or not. And yeah, it's an interesting one, isn't it?

It's a good thing to do that last minute nesting, but wouldn't it be so much better if we started early Ingrid?

Ingrid: Yes. Yeah, but we, would say that, wouldn't we? Because all about the decluttering and Organising. But I think it's really good to think about, think about it in advance instead of suddenly going, oh. Yeah. of course, unless you're like not expecting your pregnancy, you know, often that you're pregnant and you're about to give birth, so it's, smart to

Lesley: most people definitely do. I think, yeah, I think you're right there I think most people definitely do. There are some that don't, but they definitely most people by eight and a half months pregnant are aware that something is happening in two weeks time. Do you know what

Ingrid: exactly. So you don't wanna let it all come down to the last couple of weeks, I think is what we're saying. You need to earlier and I think May, said one of our, one of our friends from the tennis club, his, his girlfriend is. Pregnant. He's so excited and he's I can't get him head around it.

He said, that's why you're pregnant. Your wife is pregnant probably nine months. So you could all just get your head around it, right? Because it is a big life changing event. So so many other things in, our lives as well that happen, that can have a massive impact. So yeah, I think earlier, when you start to put some foundations in place, the earlier the better I think is of course what we

would recommend.

Lesley: Yeah, I think, it is good to clear the decks before that transition happens, if you can, or, join it really. But, a new baby's definitely one of those times. But I think that, there is definitely going to be clutter that comes along with having a baby. for sure, all of that influx of a new person's stuff and all of the paraphernalia that comes along with a new baby.

But I think that often what we find is that, We, are not creating clutter at that time, we're exposing what's already there. So these, life transitions, whether it's a new baby, whether it's moving house, whether it's a new job, all of these things that we've spoken about, all of a sudden, your clutter is laid to bear and you can see it all for what it is, 'cause you've got time and you're focusing on it.

So it's not that there's new clutter coming in, although there is, to be fair, with a new baby, but the other ones, it's just wow. It's here now. It's time to tackle it. And you know, these transitions sometimes it depends on what the transition is, but often life is gonna become busier. It's going to become more demanding and sometimes it's gonna become more emotionally charged.

Definitely. If you are gonna be a new parent, it the, it is definitely gonna be more emotionally charged. So it's good to take your time. To spend the time to do that nesting well in advance. really important.

Ingrid: right. I think it's really important that you just realize that having less stuff is just really, good, because there's gonna be a lot of changes that you need to get your head around. And when you've got less clutter to worry about, it's easy to go.

Okay, I can see now how this is gonna work for me. I can see these simpler systems working for me. Having clearer spaces, I can see where we can make the changes. What's, very busy now? Where do we need to do some extra clearing? How we're

going to It work for us? So I think all of these things also need a bit of time to just, It gives

some head space to that. It gives some thinking and

I've also, of course then to start to scheduling some time to do all

this work because this is not a, let's tidy up three times, 15 minutes kind of thing. You probably just need

to go, okay, this is. Going to be a, bit of a project that we need to do that we need to sort out here, how we're gonna fit it in around life. So yes, you need to make space of course, so you can deal with whatever's that's coming your

way. go for break and let's

talk some more because of course, Lesley, you've had some really big changes as well in your home recently. So I wanna know what you are doing to create space as well.

Hi everyone. Welcome back. We are talking about nesting and not. Only for when you've got a new baby, but there's a lot of life transitions, and I think it's really good to spend some time looking at your home and going, these life changes are coming, this is happening to me. How am I going to do this?

How am

I gonna make sure that my house still feels

like a safe, good, organized, calm? Place when

all of around this is happening to me.

and talking about big life changes, Lesley, of course, this year has been a super big

year for you as well. your Leah

has left to her own house and it's been a big change for you. Very big

change.

Lesley: It has, and I think it's something that everybody goes through. I don't think there's anything that can quite prepare you for that, if I'm honest, because it is, there's a finality about it, in the same way there's a finality about it just being you and your partner, and then all of a sudden a new baby comes along, and you know that life's never gonna be the same again, and so that's a little bit dramatic when you, your kids leave home, because life goes on, it's just that it's, Changes it. It just changed a little bit, but I think it's it is made me a kind of yeah It's definitely made me clear the decks.

I'm not gonna lie. I am like, okay, so every week Paul, Leah She only has one bedroom at home, but she's done like about 19 Carlos since she left Do you know what I mean? I'm like, there's just another few things and here's your sentimental boxes and here's the sewing machine that was there and here's actually your suitcases that were in with the rest of the suitcases so every time she comes there's more stuff and more stuff and more stuff 'cause you see not only what's in her bedroom but what's scattered around the rest of the house and i'm also using the opportunity to 'cause she's setting up home and while she's got loads and loads of stuff, there's little bits and pieces that I've got more than we need 'cause there's just the two of us and so even just she's oh you know those little Tupperware things that I bought last year that we use when she was there for lunches, do you need those?

I'm like, how do I use those Leah, you take them, do you know what I mean? So it's quite a nice opportunity. But I am being conscious not to give her stuff just because I'm trying to get rid of it, but only stuff that she actually needs. But I think so that's I just think it do, there is something about a transition that makes you go okay let's do a little bit of a reset.

Now, I'm a professional organizer. I love to do resets, I love to do declutter, and I love to do organising, so therefore I'm going hell for leather on everything. Yesterday I was doing my jewelry and I was nothing to do with Leah leaving, I was doing my handbags, was doing everything, right? So it's been a real reset for me, and I and it's come at a time when, you know, business, our business has got a little bit quiet, not quieter, but the pressure's off a little bit, we have a busy time, don't we, at the beginning of the year, it's crazy with everything that goes on, and in the summer it's a little bit quieter.

and so it's quite so it's come at a time when I've got a little bit more space on the weekends, which is quite nice. But I think if we're talking about clearing the decks, particularly for a baby or for if we've got something big coming, let's not go, okay, I am gonna do what Lesley Spellman does and go top to bottom in every single area of their home.

Let's go straightforward, simple, let's break it down. So I think when it comes to a baby we need to focus on those key areas right we need to focus on the kitchen so we've got that so sanitary conditions to wash bottles and wash up and create food all that kind of stuff We, the kitchen is gonna be super important as is the bedroom we really need to create that sanctuary 'cause we are gonna be in our bedrooms with our new baby Lot More often than normal.

And of course, the living space is probably gonna be a communal space.

What the space, where guests are gonna be coming in, perhaps more than they were before. And so we want to, make sure that we're happy to present our home to the outside world. Although people are very, of course, very forgiving at that time 'cause they know it's a lot.

You're trying to work out loads of different things. And so people are not gonna judge you, hopefully, For your living room, But, those are definitely, this is not the time to start looking at photographs and sentimental and books and garages, this is the time to really focus on those kind of communal or sanctuary or, working spaces in your home, I think, isn't it Ingrid?

I.

Ingrid: Yeah. Yeah. I think the interesting thing is, that we see a lot is that they focus a lot on where's the baby gonna sleep and where am I gonna change it and do we have a room for it? But it's it's not just the one room, And the color and the curtains and the carpet and the prime and the, but it's also this person is going to be in your house from now on. So this is also the time to probably go, okay, yes, I need to focus on those key rooms. But also person is not gonna stay small forever. they're going to have to, they're gonna grow up, they're gonna need. More than a bassinet maybe in your bedroom, then they're gonna need their own room.

It's time to start thinking about kind of stuff is in this house. Is this still, if you, for example, have moved in with your partner, is this still stuff of our two houses that we have never really amalgamated. Is this still, Stuff from all of the hobbies that we previously did in our previous lives.

And I'm

not saying give up all your hobbies, that's definitely not what

I'm saying, but it is a moment ago. But hold on a minute. This person is going to have take up big chunk of

our time and we need to be realistic together in what are things that are important for us as a family, the things that we want to do, the things that are meaningful for us.

It's also important to really figure out, okay, how we're going to make this work together and what things are important for us as a family in our lives and how we're going to fit it all in.

I, I was actually chatting to one of my friends, over the weekend and, unfortunately, she, has divorced, this year and last year, and she was working her way through. Tons and tons of boxes. And I said, how did you do it? because

she's somebody who absolutely loves like especially clothing and shoes and handbags and all of those things, and she's Ingrid.

She said, in the past I've all, every time I've moved, I've gone to a little bit of a bigger house because we went from a flat to a small house, from a small house to a bigger house, and then the kids were born room for a

bigger house. She said, I've never really have to declutter. But now because of

the divorce. I'm

now in a much smaller house, which she absolutely loves and adores and

I'm delighted for her. But she had boxes to sort out. She said, I've really now

have gone through it and I've really looked at, okay, what's

important for me in my current life? And I think

that's what a big life transformation can really. Help you with,

right? To really shine the light on, okay, what do are the things that I really love to do and what are

just because just, can't keep a

hold of all those just in case items, or I used

to do and this and this and this

You're gonna have to be, and choose a little bit because

there's. In this case, a new baby

coming, that's gonna take up a lot of time. And that doesn't mean you can never do any of the hobbies again, but you're gonna have to look at your space and the stuff that

you have in it.

Lesley: I think you're so right, We really Ingrid, with that phrase that you use, which is to shine a light on something. I think that's what it does. And that's what these big transitions really do is they shine a light on what was before and what you potentially then want for the future. but really. So it's the clearing the decks is not about doing a full house declutter if you've got time to do a full house declutter amazing but it's focusing on the key space it's fo focusing on ease it's spoken on accessibility it's focusing on conserving your energy and making sure you've got a sanctuary to sleep in whatever that is and you need to look at your life transition whether that's having a baby whether that's divorce whether that's retiring whether it's something to do with your health all of those things and go What's gonna make life easier for me going forwards.

That's what this is all about. So, really, important to think about that. So, we are talking about babies and we, it would be nice to just talk for half an hour about how cute babies are, right? but we have to talk about this stuff related to them. So, I think... It's really important, though, to prepare early.

we've spoken about, we know these things are coming, but we don't want to procrastinate over it. We want to get stuck in early so that it's not too much of a shock when it does happen. Because curve balls have a habit of coming our way, don't they, Ingrid? whether that's... Something with divorce and all of a sudden that goes through quickly, whether the baby comes four weeks early, whether all of those things, we need to preempt that and pre-plan it, every, within life's transitions, things are often not straightforward, so give yourself a little bit more time so that you're not Just racing ahead and having to do it really quickly. We would much rather you do a little bit often rather than go hell for leather for two weeks and try and do it all in two weeks and exhaust yourself. Particularly if it's 'cause he said all of these things are very emotionally taxing as well.

You know what I mean? I know we know we're talking about Leah. There's a lot of emotion that comes along with that. There's a lot of emotion that comes along with getting divorced with, amalgamating whatever that is. Whether it's Good or bad. there's an emotional consequence to that and we need to be ready for the emotional, not just the practical, right?

Ingrid: Yeah. Yeah, I think absolutely. And I think it's so easy to go, I'll, I've got nine months, I'll do it later, or I'm just really busy now with work and things, but. Before you know it, know how quickly time flies, right? suddenly look back and you go, gosh, where's the last three or four months gone?

how, does, has it gone by so quickly? I'm now, I know for you, the transition and you've did a lot of Leah's work on Leah's house and together you've really, it's fantastic house and I've been lucky enough to see it, and I know she's like super happy there. And I'm like.

On the one hand, I'm like a bit like an

ostrich with Anne leafing early. I'm like, Ann off to uni. I

don't wanna

know. it's gonna be August before we

know it, right? We've only got. About eight weeks left and then she's going to be gone and I'm going to be an empty nester. I can't even it, but like you always saying, we, they will come back.

So I'm clinging onto that, but I'm going to be looking, of course it's only US two left now, end of August. that's a frightening thought, but I know that over the last, of months already. I've been, talking to Anne about, let's go through your clothes a little bit.

Let's do a bit of a sort out, what shall we do with your room? Which things do you think you're gonna take with you to also only prepare her, but also

prepare me

Lesley: Yeah.

Ingrid: this is really happening, and I'm now, I pulled open my living room cupboards the other day thinking, gosh. I need to do a bit of a, sort out of the, board games and the toys now, because now there's things in there that completely now that even two years ago, a year ago, were like, yeah, let's keep that. I'm like, no, that needs to go now. So I, kind of envisage also a bit of a clear out later in the year, but I think for myself to get my head around

it, I'm already. doing my own

stuff as usual, but also trying to help her and help her think through and what memory boxes are we gonna create. What are you wanna keep here? Because I, she can't take everything obviously, because she's just going to a student room, but, so I know she wants to bring her clothes and things like that and, maybe some of her books and her jewelry, but there's gonna be stuff here.

So we've been talking about that already and But I think it prepares me as well to for that because it's going to be

hard. I'm

Lesley: gonna be hard.

Ingrid: soon on the podcast, Lesley?

Lesley: It is gonna be hard. No, it is hard. There's no doubt about it. It's hard and you've got a double transition, right? Haven't you? So you've got Anne leaving and then you stay in effectively. And so you are trying to prepare her and prepare yourself. And so it's a good, it's a good thing to start.

It's a good thing to start early to give yourself that time because it is about emotional preparation as well as physical preparation.

Ingrid: Yeah.

Lesley: I think, you know what to do, we're talking about preparing early, don't go crazy, don't do like whole weeks, 'cause as well, if you are having a baby or, you do need to take a little bit of time to To think, to rest, to prepare, to look forward, to enjoy the last, freedom.

that you, What's the word I was looking for? Freedom that you're gonna have for the next 30 years. I'm joking. but yeah, no, I think it's really, important to, take some time. So do all of the things that we suggest ordinarily. But just, you've just got this extra little goal, this extra little deadline in mind.

So it's really important to think about that.

Ingrid: Yeah.

Lesley: And nesting, just to jump back, nesting, and I do love that phrase, how cute is that little phrase, nesting? but it's, nesting is way nicer than empty nesting, isn't it?

Ingrid: Yeah.

Lesley: she, goes full circle. I want to be nesting again. I'd like some grandchildren.

Like, it's time for some grandchildren, Anyway, nevermind. but anyway. So, nesting doesn't need to be about panicking. It needs to be about preparation. And our final words for advice are Don't wait until you're absolutely exhausted. Don't wait until you are over rope or overwrought emotionally and don't wait until your time poured.

The more time you can give yourself, the better prepared you're gonna feel and the more you're gonna be able to enjoy those last moments. So start early, go gently and clear the decks a little bit and prepare your space for the exciting things that are coming in your transitional life.

Ingrid: Exactly, so listeners. Do you want to share what transition is coming up for you? it's not a new baby. Maybe you're gonna be grandparents, maybe you're gonna be retiring. What big life transitions are coming up for you? And has this podcast gone? Gosh, had never realized that I need to Think, and, change my mindset around this whole kind of big transformation that's happening.

And, I was like, I'm looking forward so much on the last day of work. I hadn't

really thought about what's gonna happen afterwards and how am I gonna do it all. So

have we made you think?

And what is the one thing that

you can clear this week just to help you move

forward? So we'd love to hear from

you. Leave us a comment,

send us an email. Tell us, we want to know because I think when we hear your stories, it also inspires us to think of, topics again that we can chat about on this podcast.

So

thank you so much. We appreciate you listening in week in, week out, and we look forward to seeing you

next week with a brand new episodes. Bye everyone.