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Episode 184 – Is there a one size fits all solution?

Episode 393 – How a Clutter-Free Home Strengthens Relationships – A Valentine’s special
Episode 392 – The clutter advice I'd give my 30-year-old self
Is there a one size fits all solution when it comes to your decluttering journey? We think not and in this podcast we are going to talk about why.
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Transcript of this podcast episode
[00:00:00] Ingrid: Is there a one size fits all when it comes to your decluttering journey? We think not. And in this podcast, we're going to talk about why.

[00:00:11] Now, today we're going to talk about if there is a one size fits all when you are on your decluttering journey and Lesley and I. Think not, because one size fits all is not something that sounds like makes sense when we've been working for clients for such a long time, is it, Lesley? Well, 

[00:00:31] Lesley: the bottom line, Ingrid, is we're talking about people and homes and emotions and habits and all those things are very, very fluid and changeable, aren't they?

[00:00:40] The things that we all have to deal with every day, the homes that we live in. They're all completely different. So there can't really be a one size fits all when it comes to decluttering. So, yeah, as you say, we're going to talk a little bit about that today. And so, first of all, let's talk about the fact that.

[00:00:58] Every home is different, isn't it? 

[00:01:02] Ingrid: Absolutely. I mean, I mean, if I remember back to when I was a student, Lesley, I had a post stamp of a flat. It was absolutely tiny. Now I live in a bit of a house with a couple of bedrooms, but my house is not huge. While other people have huge houses with lots of rooms and.

[00:01:21] Have a utility room that makes me very jealous. So you need to work with what you got. You know, we all have different sized homes. It's just, it's just the way it is. 

[00:01:32] Lesley: Yeah, you have to make different decisions based on the space that you own. If you live in a one bedroom studio flat, then if you want to keep that orderly, then you're going to make very different decisions than if you've got the space to breathe a little bit in a five or six bedroom house.

[00:01:47] Now that doesn't mean to say that you should. Fill a five or six bedroom house, , and we still need to make sure that the stuff that we've got in it reflects our current lifestyle, but we have space to kind of spread out a little bit more. Those decisions are not quite so critical, perhaps if we, if space is not an issue.

[00:02:04] So first things first, there can't really be a one size fits all. 'cause if we are talking or trying to teach somebody or working with the clients, or indeed ourselves, if we're working in different spaces, there are different solutions, aren't there? 

[00:02:17] Ingrid: Yes, Lesley. So, and I think it also very much depends on how does your family look like?

[00:02:23] Are you by yourself? Are you living with a husband or a partner? Do you share a home? Do you have children? Has everybody left the home and are you now an empty nester? That also very much influences how, how your house looks like and how, how much room you've got and how, how much stuff you have, I think it all has a bearing on this, on the amount of stuff.

[00:02:47] Lesley: Yeah. It has a bearing on the amount of stuff. And it also very much has a bearing on the way that you can make decisions because you've not just got yourself to take into consideration. You've got all the family members that need to be potentially part of that decision making. You've got all the family members that you might be.

[00:03:02] Fighting against without decision making. So there's lots of things when it comes to families and it's not just families we're going to be talking about roommates, flatmates, house shares, you know, all of these things come into play that make a big difference in terms of the way that you would go about decluttering your house.

[00:03:19] You know Ingrid, what I think is also very relevant when it comes to decluttering or decluttering process, then if that's what you want to call it, is where you are in your life. So you're going to be guided by very different things and influenced them by different things when you're in your twenties than when you're in your seventies, aren't you?

[00:03:38] The types of things that make you tick, the attachment that you've got to stuff, where you are in your life. Whether you're ready to downsize, whether you're ready to simplify, you know, if you've got children at home and you're right in the midst of child rearing, that makes a huge difference in terms of the way that you view the stuff that you've got in your home.

[00:03:57] And so there can't be a one size fits all. We can't deal with. a family with two or three children that are under 10 in the same way that we would deal with a downsizing couple in their seventies. It's very different. The emotions, the journey, the stuff, everything is different, isn't it? 

[00:04:16] Ingrid: Absolutely. And I think That's, I think a lot of people, what a lot of people don't realize, they, they think it's like, it's the same all the time, but we as professional rganisers need to make sure that we listen to the client and see where they currently are and what's important for them and where they envision themselves, where they currently are, not constantly look at the past, but also where are we currently and how can we move forward and what makes sense to have around you in your home.

[00:04:44] That fits with your lifestyle. 

[00:04:47] Lesley: And I think it all boils down to our favorite thing, Ingrid, which is, is that a decluttering process is never about the stuff. It's about the emotions. It's about the person. You know, it's led by where you are in your life and what makes you tick. So that's why there can never be a one size fits all at all, can there?

[00:05:05] I think what's also very relevant and what gets talked about quite a lot when people feel maybe a little bit of embarrassment about their clutter or reflect back in their life about what has happened as they've gone through life. That has a very big bearing on the way that you viewed clutter and the way that you then are going to go through your decluttering journey.

[00:05:26] So I'm talking, I mean, everyone has got what we like to call stories in their life. things that have made you what you are, the way you were raised, the kinds of things that happened to you as a child, as a teen, as a twenties, your career, all of those kinds of things. You may have undergone something traumatic in your life.

[00:05:45] And so you're dealing with trauma. There might be bereavement gone in and consequently grief. Then you might have had periods of your life where you've not felt on top of things and where you've really, really struggled. And so all of those things are going to also have a real bearing. So we're not coming.

[00:06:02] Everyone's not coming from an equal mental state, Harvey. Everyone's got very, very big emotions and some of them from. quite deep seated from the past that have brought us to the place where we are today. So I suppose the question is whether or not we, should we think about those things are, you know, quite often those are, Oh, well that's, I'm like that because of this.

[00:06:24] So we're big believers, aren't we in understanding where you come from and understanding the types of things that have happened in your life that may have brought you to today. But ultimately it's about understanding. How those emotions and how those factors in your life will affect the decisions that you make to draw a line under it is the wrong, the wrong way to put it.

[00:06:45] But it's very important for you to be realistic about those emotions, understand the emotions and how that affects you. And then to try and move forward in a positive way, isn't it? And not get bogged down with, well, I'm always going to be like this because I'm this kind of person or because these kind of things have happened to me in the past.

[00:07:02] So it's too easy to say, forget about those, but it's really important to. Reflect on those, think about how that is affecting your decision making and then try and move forward from that. 

[00:07:12] Ingrid: Yeah, I think so. That's, I think it's absolutely true, Lesley. And I think what's also very big influence, I think it was how, is how people were raised, how were their parents in their home, were their parents either meticulous or was the house very chaotic when you grew up?

[00:07:28] They're parents that were, um, war babies and were made sure they had to make do and mend everything and keep everything, hold on to everything just in case. If that was how you were raised when you were young, you will still feel those influences when you go through life and how you see clutter and how you see stuff.

[00:07:46] And if something is in your eyes perceived as useful, while somebody else might say, well, yeah, it's just a piece of string, you know, it's not important. So. I think that also really influences how people deal with their clutter and with their stuff and they take that through life with them. And you can't just suddenly go, Oh, well, I'm not going to think about it anymore.

[00:08:09] That was the past. It doesn't 

[00:08:10] Lesley: work like that. Yeah, what we learned as a child takes us through life. And these are very deep seated things and very hard habits to break. Now, it's always interesting when we talk to people who have large volumes of clutter, or perhaps have got hoarding tendencies or hoarding disorder.

[00:08:26] There seems to be people go either one way or the other, don't they? So some people who have been raised in a family where hoarding has been an issue, go along with that and become somebody with hoarding disorder or hoarding tendencies themselves. And other people fight against it vehemently as well, or become minimalist or very, very aware of the clutter around them and that they don't want to live in that way.

[00:08:49] So it's not always, if you were raised by, by somebody with hoarding disorder, that you're going to become that. We definitely see these two sort of polar opposites really, don't we Ingrid? Yes, 

[00:08:59] Ingrid: and I think as well, Lesley, connected to that is that everybody has a different tolerance level of clutter. Some people, when they see a little bit of clutter, they're like, Oh my gosh, my house is a tip.

[00:09:13] It's so chaotic. I can't live like this anymore. And then they want to do something about that. Or There's a lot of stuff and because people have become clutter blind over time, because if something's been in a room or a house for a very long time, you stop seeing it, it's like, oh, it's actually not that bad, my clutter.

[00:09:35] But when somebody else then puts up, what's this doing here? And what's that? And what's that pile? It's like, I'm just seeing this stuff for the first time. So everybody, I think, has a different level of clutter. And that's why we sometimes come into houses that we're like, Why are we here? But then we open a cupboard and we're like, oh everything it looks neat and tidy, but everything is stuffed away or Everything is out, but then we open a cupboard It's like but all the stuff in the cupboards is in the wrong way but actually there's quite a lot of space to move things and to put extra items in or Everything is full in the cupboards and outside of the cupboards and then there's a large volume of stuff But so because we get a lot of phone calls, don't we Lesley?

[00:10:15] Well people say oh, I'm such a hoarder. I need help And it's like, but hold on a minute, you know, you need to think about what for somebody who has a little bit of clutter, it can feel like a lot of clutter or other people who have a lot of clutter actually realize it. Or they have a lot of fluff and they don't realize it to kind of over complicate it a little bit, 

[00:10:35] Lesley: actually.

[00:10:36] No, it all boils down to, as you're saying, with that tolerance of clutter, everyone has got a different tolerance to clutter and everyone thinks that one level or another is acceptable. I think another thing that I wanted to talk about is that. Some people have to deal with things on a daily basis that might take them off track.

[00:10:55] So we've talked a little bit about the things that have happened in the past that have brought us to this place. And for some people, this is related as well. But it's how that presents today. And so we might have disabilities, we might have mental health issues, we might have all kinds of things that stop us in our tracks and stop us doing what we want to do.

[00:11:13] So if you are, you know, if you've got, if you're depressed, if you're anxious. If you struggle with fatigue, fibromyalgia, uh, me, those kind of things, those kind of things will stop you from doing what you want to do. So you might have the best of intentions in terms of how you want, you want your decluttering journey to unfold, but your body or your mind won't allow that to happen.

[00:11:34] And so, We've got the things that happened in the past that affect our emotions and habits in the way that we think. And then we've got our minds and our bodies stopping us in our tracks. And so we can't declutter in the same way as the next person. Another reason why there's not a one size fits all.

[00:11:50] Lesley, 

[00:11:50] Ingrid: another thing I really wanted to talk about in this podcast as well is. That everyone's financial situation is differently. Some, some people can just say, I'm going to donate everything that I no longer want in my house. I'm going to find a charity that I want to support. I'm going to donate it.

[00:12:07] I'm going to happy when I let it go. Bob's your uncle. Easy peasy. Um, that does it for me. While other people are like, but I spent a lot of money on these items. I've been, you know, I've been overdoing it a little bit. I need to recoup some of this money. So I really want to make sure that I. Sell a few little bits on maybe Facebook marketplace or eBay or however, so I can recoup a little bit.

[00:12:31] And also because I think that will really help me to get out of the, the financial situation I'm in currently. So you can't, we can't just say one size fits all just donate everything. It's fine. We need to look at everybody's individual situation. What is the best thing for them to do? 

[00:12:49] Lesley: Yeah, you're so right, Ingrid.

[00:12:50] It's just such a huge balancing act when it comes to balancing out the decluttering with your financial situation, donating versus selling. All of these examples, Ingrid, there's definitely not a one size fits all. Cause there's so many different scenarios that come into play when it comes to people who want to go on a decluttering journey.

[00:13:09] And one that we've not spoken about that's really important is that we like people to take their time. Don't we? And we were like, you know what? Take your time, break it down. There's a small manageable chunks. Don't overwhelm yourself when you decluttering, but some people are up against a deadline. They might be downsizing.

[00:13:25] They might be moving house. There might be a probate situation that means that you've got a very specific deadline on a house that you're dealing with for somebody who's passed away. For example, all those things means there are external factors that are affecting the way and the. The timescale that you've got available to declutter.

[00:13:41] And that makes a difference as well, because even though Ingram would be like, break it down, this'll be really nice. You're like, well, I can't break it down. Cause I've got to be out of here in two weeks. And so I need to do this today. And so that's another thing that comes into play when we are decluttering.

[00:13:56] That means that everybody, all things are not equal. Let's put it that way.

[00:14:00] Ingrid: So welcome back. So before the break, we were chatting about how there's not really a one size fits all for decluttering your house and on being on your decluttering journey. But we do see common elements though, don't we, Lesley? Yeah, there's 

[00:14:15] Lesley: definitely things that are common to a lot of people and the first one is overwhelm.

[00:14:21] And so the most important thing, and we can do this for everybody, whether you're, you're, whether you've got five kids in a busy life, whether you're trying to squeeze into a one bedroom studio flat. Whether you've got a deadline is the most important thing before we even get started on this decluttering journey is we need to find a way to remove the overwhelm.

[00:14:42] And the way to do that is, is with some kind of structure, with some kind of planning. You know how it is Ingrid, when you plan, when you write down your to do list, all of a sudden you feel the weight lifted off your shoulders straight away, don't 

[00:14:55] Ingrid: you? Yeah, I think having a plan and having a goal and knowing how you're going to tackle it is just as important as actually doing the decluttering and rganising itself.

[00:15:06] You don't, don't just randomly start somewhere. You need to think about, okay, what, what do I want to achieve here? How do I, we call it ponder your project, don't we? We use that terminology in our membership. Um, a lot when we say, think about what the goal is here. How are you going to get there? How are you going to do this?

[00:15:24] And it's really important. It's critical. 

[00:15:27] Lesley: Yeah. Putting a plan in place is everything to start, you know, just planning. It's not going to take all of the overwhelming way, cause you've still got your house to declutter at the end of the day, but there's something very satisfying and very sort of grounding.

[00:15:38] Isn't that about making that plan in the first instance? Yeah. So that's definitely something that, that we would say is common to everybody. So that everybody needs to do that. So that's what we're saying. You know, the way that you're going to declutter your house is going to be different for everybody, but there's certain things that everybody, regardless of situation needs to do.

[00:15:57] And the second thing that is common to everybody is that everybody needs to take a step back and be kind to ourselves. We need to understand that life has thrown lots of things in our way. Whether it's the fact that you've got. three kids under five, whether it's the fact that you are trying to squeeze into a smaller house than the people that you've got, whether you're suffering every day with depression and anxiety, whether you've got lots of trauma from your past, all of the things that we spoke about, take a step back and know that those are hard things to deal with.

[00:16:27] You need to be kind and you need to accept that little bit of kindness to yourself, and then you're going to be able to move forward. So that's also a very common thing. And that is a one size fits all. And once people realize that actually it's not my fault, you know, people blame themselves as a lot of shame and guilt and embarrassment associated, lots of negative emotions associated with having clutter in your house.

[00:16:51] And I think one of the key things is. Take a step back, be kind to yourself, and then you will make, make huge leaps forward. 

[00:16:58] Ingrid: Yeah, I think it's very much, you know, looking at it from a more positive point of view as well, instead of kind of, I've only done one thing, turn that around into, Yay! I've decluttered one thing from my house.

[00:17:10] One thing is better than nothing at all. Or, wow, I did one thing yesterday. I'm going to try two things today. And don't go, well, I didn't do the two things. Just go, okay, I tried the two things, it didn't work out, but I did the one thing. Try to turn around those negative things into positives. And I think then you're going to start to feel more proud of yourself.

[00:17:34] You start to feel like you can give yourself a pat on the back. You can go, you know what, I had a really hard day today, but I still managed to do, load my dishwasher. I still managed to put the recycling in the bin. Or everybody got fed a meal today. You know, don't set yourself up for that. All I think everything has to be go perfectly all the time because you're going to wear yourself out, celebrate those wins, let that perfection go.

[00:18:02] And one step forward, one step forward is better than doing nothing at all. Staying where you are. And that I think will win the race in the long term. 

[00:18:13] Lesley: So we've talked about a couple of things that are common to everybody, trying to make steps to take that overwhelm away, trying to be kind to yourself as well, trying not to be perfectionist, as Ingrid says, and I think one of the other things that's really important that helps everybody today.
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