A photo of guest Kevin Spurgeon sitting at a desk with headphones on looking at his laptop

Episode 347 – Dealing with grief after losing a pet with guest Kevin Spurgeon

Today we have a very special guest and a Declutter Hub podcast first. So many of our community are pet lovers and sometimes we sadly need to say goodbye. We have invited Kevin Spurgeon from Dignity Pet Cremation onto the podcast to tell us how they support and help families say goodbye to their beloved pets from cremation to remembrance. Disclaimer: in this podcast episode we talk about the loss of pets and how to deal with their belongings.

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Transcript of this podcast episode

00:00
Today, we have a very special guest and a declutter hub podcast. First, so many of our community are pet lovers, and sometimes we sadly need to say goodbye, we have invited Kevin Spurgeon from dignity pet cremation onto the podcast to tell us how they support and help families say goodbye to their beloved pets, from cremation to remembrance. Disclaimer in this podcast, we talk about the loss of pets and how to deal with their belongings. You

00:44
You're listening to the declutter hub podcast, bringing you tried and tested no nonsense tips and advice from the leading experts in decluttering and organizing your home. Now here's your host, Ingrid Jansen. 

01:06
Hello and welcome listeners. I'm Ingrid. If you're new to the declutter hub podcast, you're so welcome. What you'll find is that we try and find the fun factor in the serious business of decluttering. And if you've been here for a while, you know exactly what we mean. So thank you so much for listening. If you'd like to get involved in conversations related to this podcast. It all takes place in our free Facebook group. So come and join our lovely, warm and supportive community. Go to declutterhub.com, forward slash group to find out more. Well, Kevin, Hello, welcome to the podcast. I'm so excited that you're here, and I want to thank you so much for coming onto the show. Hello Ingrid, thank you for having me. When you first contacted me, I kind of scratched my head and thought, okay, what are we going to talk about on a decluttering podcast? And then, of course, when we had a conversation, you know, you look at it and actually, wow, there's a lot to talk about. So hopefully we'll get into it, and it will bring some worth to the people who are listening. Yes, well, it's really kind of interesting how this came about, because you were actually recommended by one of our declutter hub members and also podcast listeners, because we were talking about one of our live sessions to say we would love to do something about pets, me and Leslie, but neither of us own pets. We don't have stuff that belongs to pets. And, of course, logical thinking, we can talk about it, but we thought actually, we really would love to talk to somebody who knows a lot about it, and one of our members said, you need to talk to Kevin and get him onto the podcast. And when I reached out, I think you're a bit like, what? What decluttering? What it has to do with pets? We're not going to declutter pets. And I'm like, Kevin, don't worry. We're not going to declutter pets. But of course, pets are such a big part of our lives, and so many of our people in our community, in our Facebook group, our podcast listeners have pets, and have all the stuff that goes with pets. And the more I looked onto your website, the more I listened to another podcast that you did with on another show, I was like, wow, we have a lot to get through, and so fascinating, and you're doing amazing work. So can you tell me more about how I mean, on earth, do you start a pet cremation center? I mean, it's not like a normal Well, it is a normal thing, but it's not really kind of in the usual things of what's your job description, kind of thing. So where did it all start? Yeah, so if we can sort of jump into a time capsule and teleport ourselves back 33 years, my parents, my father was a fashion agent for 30 years, and my mum supported him in that, and they were sitting by the Fireside, with couple of wonderful German Shepherds by their feet watching the TV, and a documentary came on, and that documentary showed how much loved pets after they've passed away, are stored in veterinary deep freezers, and then a vehicle comes around, a big van once a week and takes the body bags and puts them in the back of a vehicle and goes to the next fit and the next fit and the next fit until it's full, and takes them all back. And they saw that, and they had a German Shepherd called Brutus, who was older than the other one, who was called Caesar, who I still miss to this day, wonderful dog.

04:42
And they thought, there's no way they're gonna do that to Bruce us. So they looked into it and thought, Well, okay, if they can't do it like that, how we want it done, which is with respect and love and care. Then.

05:00
We'll do it. We had a Victorian brick kiln in the garden, which is a host house, looking building very, very old. We'd re pointed that, and my father thought, well, if I put a cremator in that building, then people like who think the same as us might well come along and have the service, and 33 years later, I'm now at the helm. My parents ashes are beneath a lovely tree that was their favorite tree. Here, surrounded by their pets, ashes and dignity has gone from strength to strength based on that one principle, which is we look after them with respect and love. We personalize the service so you get what you want, and that's what it's all about. Yeah, it's absolutely incredible. And I will definitely put your details in in in the show notes, because I think it's so fascinating. It's a beautiful place. I've looked at some of the videos you have on the website, I've looked at some of the pictures. It's an absolutely gorgeous place. And I can imagine people feel that there's love in there and that there's care for the animals, yeah. And, you know, at this point, probably before we get into the whole decluttering thing, one of the pieces of advice I'll give to everyone is, yeah, our place is beautiful. It's amazing. We show pictures of it online and videos so people can see where their pets coming to. What I'm finding, more and more, is a lot of places put very nice sentiments, but they don't put pictures of where the pets are going. And actually, the biggest thing you can do to protect yourself is go along see the place, make sure you're happy with it before you choose that service. You don't need to leave them at the vets. You can actually handle and arrange that side of things yourselves. And I'm part of an association called the a, p, p, c, c, which is the Association of Private pet cemeteries and crematoria. And they all adhere to the same high standards as us. So just, just, don't just leave your pet behind. You don't have to do that. You can organize it yourself, right? So what you're basically saying to me is, when a pet passes away, it often the vet is involved, or it happens in the vet. The vet then holds them and they, I assume, suggest, like we can take care of this, but you're saying you don't have to take let the vet take care of it. You can take matters in your own hands, and you can kind of go, Okay, but what do I want to where do I want my pet to go and where do I feel happy with it? Is that right indeed, and when you're in a grief state, one in seven things goes in so you can be swept along by events and find that you've not actually asked questions that when you're not compromised, you'd be asking like, you know, with with when granny dies, you kind of want to know where she's going to be kept, how she's going to be treated, and so on

08:08
and and I think, I think the biggest thing for people is to, yeah, know that they have that control, know that. And again, obviously this is going out to a global audience, right? So everywhere is different. But what we found in the UK is that, and I know it's happening in other countries, more and more vets are being bought out by corporate entities. Those corporate entities own their own pet crematoria. If they don't, then they contract to a large company that will give them a low cost price to an opportunity to make high profit from the arrangement of the cremation. Yeah, so you could be paying a lot of money for a very low cost service if you leave your pet at the vet. And that's not all vets, which is why it's kind of you've gotta check out and understand what you want and how you want your pet looked after, how the company does it in advance, and don't be frightened to go right until I've made my mind up. Please. Can you hold my pet so I can look into this? Don't just get swept on by events. Yeah, yeah. It's almost like I'm because I'm kind of thinking ahead. You almost have to be quite organized when the pet still healthy and good. Because, I mean, of course, some pets, like tortoises, get really old, right? But most pets, you know, they we probably outlive them, and we can, I think we can say that. So you need to, kind of, when you have a pet that you love, and it's in your life, you almost have to think ahead, like, okay, at some point when the when the pet possibly gets poorly, which vet Do I go to? Which service Am I happy with? Do I need to try it several ones, and what happens if the pet unfortunately passes away? What's then the plan, exactly what you're saying, instead of in the moment when you're you know the.

10:00
Probably destroyed by your beloved pets

10:03
dying, and you have to lots. There's lots of things because I read it all on your website. I was like, you've got, like, all these stages, and we need to talk about this. We need to talk and I was like, it had never occurred to me, and it's not, maybe it's because I don't have pets. But I was like, wow, you have to think about these things in advance, because there's a lot to take care of and handle. Yeah, I think people just presume that cremation means respectful handling, that they're going to be on their own again, different countries do different things. So in America, there are the terminology of an individual cremation, quite often means that the pet is on a tray in the same chamber as other pets, where they're all being cremated at the same time, and you get what's left on your tray, whatever falls in or out. I don't know what happens to that. That's why we don't do that here. Individual for us means one pet at a time in a chamber on its own, with all those remains being taken out and given back to the client, the family. So that's that's crucial to the thing. So, so in America, private cremation means the same as individual cremation over in the UK, so understanding the different options that are available

11:23
if you can do it in advance. It's easier said than done, right to be thinking of this in advance. How many of us actually do plan to the nth degree our own funeral? You know, might I say both my parents have passed now, my father, who was a very sound mind, it was just his body that failed. We sat and we had long discussions about kind of, what did he want, and through those discussions in advance, because he knew he was going to die. He had a lung problem, and he knew it was going to happen, so we weren't frightened of talking about it, because of what we do. And do you know out of it came that he wanted a gospel choir at his funeral,

12:01
okay, and also where they wanted their their ashes to go with their pets here and stuff like that. But if we'd never had that conversation, he wouldn't have got what he wanted, and we'd have been second guessing as a family, which so many families do. I had to do it with my mum because she had Alzheimer's so but the point where that conversation needed to be had

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she was not there anymore. Yeah, you know, her mind had gone, bless her. So, so, yeah, having that conversation, even if you're not having it with any family members, to just write down what you want,

12:38
and kind of looking at that whole pet ashes and human ashes thing, obviously, again, different countries will have different rules, but in the UK, you can't take your pet ashes and put them in your own coffin if you're dying and placing them in there or scatter them in a human crematorium grounds, because they are classed differently to human ashes. So, so that's why, kind of my parents coming here spurred us on to go, hmm. So same way that when my dad started, was like, oh, other people might want this. So we said to everyone, look, if you want your ashes here, your human ashes here, then you can come and be beside your pet, because it doesn't work the other way around, way around. Oh, I had no idea. I had honestly no idea. And actually maybe, kind of an other random question, are you allowed to scatter pet ashes anywhere? So the regulations are that if you are kind of, if you own a site, so let's say I own a human crematorium, I would need to have specific

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it's an approval under the animal byproducts regulations to say that this site is regulated to receive the ashes or the bodies of deceased pets. So some human crematoria have gone out and got that permission for another little area. Because I think there's a bit of a debate in the human world as to whether they're going to make cross the people who don't have pets knowing that they've got a German Shepherd next to them in the cemetery. So they've kind of done that, and they've done a separate area that is for pets, and then the people can go with their pets there. So yeah, different regulations. However, if, let's say you were going to send Brutus up in a firework, you can do that with pets ashes. So if it's a public space or a future owned garden. You can do that equally. Some people bury their pets at home, yeah, and the whole kind of ritual thing, and when we're talking about, like, for example, the people listen to this podcast and maybe have X amount of toys, X amount of blankets, treats, etc.

15:00
Another service I provide is an exhumation service, so it's where we uplift the remains of pets who've been buried in people's homes because they're moving and they don't want to leave them behind. So when I carry out that up load, it's quite incredible to see the things that are left behind with pets in that kind of ritualistic which is a great way to be able to grieve And take back control of a situation that we've lost control of, because if we have to euthanize our pet, we don't want to do it. No, we're swept along by it. So doing those things that are expressing our love, like taking the tennis ball they always played with or their favorite treat and placing them in and we do that here at dignity. So you know, if, if they want to be laid with a tennis ball to be cremated with them, that's fine. There are certain items we won't allow in the chambers, but most of the items, we can come to some kind of compromise so that the person gets the service that they want. But yeah, I found all sorts of things in graves, in people's gardens, and it's lovely, actually, and when I tell the people they're still there, because something like a plastic collar isn't going to go anywhere for a very, very long time. Yeah. So you know, when you find this kind of tag that that means something to them. It means the world. Those items are still there. I again, when I was looking at your website, I had no idea that was pet exhumated. Don't

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worry. Yeah, it's one I've had to learn. Yeah, fumations, exactly. So I was fascinated. And of course, it had not occurred to me indeed, that I know people you know that bury their pets in the garden. And it had not occurred to me, actually, when people move, what do you do with that? Do sometimes people, I'm assuming, people take them with them to the new house. Or do people then sometimes say, No, I don't want to take the nudge. I now want them to go to dignity, because I know that it can all be one place. Does that happen as well? Yeah, indeed. So, so we don't bury bodies here. We do scatter ashes here,

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but like, if you had a pet that have been buried for kind of five years, and potentially they may still partially be intact in the ground. And I'd come along, obviously the right thing to do, for a number of reasons, is to then cremate those remains. If their skeletal remains, and I guess are inert in that sense, then the person sometimes they'll they'll place them into a new blanket to bury. But this is where, again, a bit of forethought comes into it. Because if you're burying at the point where you may build a patio in few years time, or bury when you know you're going to be moving in a couple of years, that's where you've got to kind of think advance and do the right thing. Yeah, yeah. I'm fascinated, honestly fascinated. I'm learning so much when I think about pets, I mainly think about cats, dogs, maybe birds. But then I looked on your website, I was like, there's a whole array of animals that that you take care of, right? So can you, can you tell us a little bit more about that? Because I thought that was your was very interesting, yeah, so I guess it almost goes to the heart of your podcast when I think about kind of what you're there doing for people, it all comes back to energy and emotion. So regardless of the size of pet. In fact, I was speaking to a lady yesterday who just brought her little Bucha to us, and she was kind of embarrassed that that she'd done that. And a lot of people feel this kind of disenfranchised grief, where they feel they can't grieve because of other people judging them. So whereas people keep loads of stuff at home. Sometimes, some people get rid of everything. All of that is tied up with one thing, which is the energetic event and the wonderful bond that we have when we we've got animals in our lives and as part of our families. Yeah? So, you know, a budgie can have a bigger personality than a great day, yeah? Yeah. And it took me not very long to learn that when I came here and started helping my parents and that bond, and when you think about that bond and the attachment, bonds that people have with their pets, that then moves on to the objects that they have that relate to the pets, you can kind of understand why some people go one way, which is, like, I want to keep everything. Some go the other way, which is, right, that pets passed away. I am going to take their food bowl, their toys, their everything, and take it and just do something with it. So you've got that side of things, and then you've got again.

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The people in the middle who kind of want to keep some stuff,

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dispose of other things, or recycle them, and may want some things to go with their pet, yeah, yeah, yeah. And the lady who brought the budgie in, was she feeling maybe like it's other people would say it's just a bird. For a while, for her, it was such an important part of her life, and she was grieving about it. Yeah. So you'll have people who are listening to this, who hopefully will be nodding and going, you know, the first thing I did when when I started crying over the loss of my pet, was to say say sorry to whoever was with me. Okay? And the reason they do that is because of this disenfranchisement of feeling like they shouldn't be grieving. For some reason, it's like everyone who has an exhumation Service says to me, oh, everyone's going to think I'm mad doing this. But if I think about the amount of people probably listening to this, who have got an urn or Casket or keepsake for their pet? I bet you it's most of them. Yeah. So normalizing grief is really important, and helping your friends and family who are going through this, and one of our very important parts and the vets as well, is to support and normalize the passing. And let's face it, you know, they've been part of your family for X amount of years. Why wouldn't you be crying? Why wouldn't you be upset so so but grief is a funny old thing. I try and simplify it as like a, say, energetic event that happens

21:43
quite often. It's proportional, so you need to let out the amount of energy of the event, but sometimes through attachment bonds. So let's just say the event is the passing of an assistance dog. Those of you play mobile games, you know, and you run through a times 10 or a times 100 token, that's what it's like. So it suddenly becomes a lot of a bigger amount of emotion that needs to come out and be processed, and that can take the rest of our lives. For most of us, you know, I'll die. I'll die grieving my pets that I've loved and lost over the years.

22:18
I'm in a better place for the ones that have passed away longer ago. So I've got a great sense of gratitude of having them in my lives, but it's still always a part of me that misses them. Yeah, you know, yeah, absolutely

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okay. I have more. I want to know more. Let's have a little break and let's pick up definitely where we where we left off after the break. So see you soon. Hello everyone. Welcome back to this podcast where I'm chatting to Kevin from pet dignity creme about losing a pet and the grief that's surrounded with that. And during the break, I actually said to Kevin, thank you so much for coming on the show. I'm learning so much. I'm so like interested, and I really hope listeners that you are. I know it sounds a bit weird enjoying this podcast too, but that you're learning from it, and that you're starting to see things in a different way. And that's what we always hope to achieve with this podcast, that it the cluttering is so much more. It's all the emotions that sit behind the stuff, including grief, including grief for pets. And I love it. Loved it. Kevin, how you said that it's you see it as an energy event. And when a pet passes away, it has a massive impact of p on people. And sometimes it's something that you've seen coming for a while, you kind of mentally get ready for it. At other times, you know, it goes it is quick and sudden and it shocks you. And either way, the grief is there for the pets, and everybody grieves in a different ways. So I'm, I'm so grateful that we can talk about this and about all the wonderful work you're doing as well with in your cremation center, because there's so much more that you do. Because I always also wanted to talk about the charity that you have. And I also would love to talk about commemoration a little bit now, and I would love to first of all go, okay,

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what are things that you can do? Because, of course, you know, when a pet passes away, there are things they leave behind, sometimes a lot of things, sometimes a few things. Some things are more important than other things. Some things, indeed, what you said, a tennis ball can maybe go in,

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in with, with the pet.

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But what are the things that people can do with all the items that are left behind? Of course, if they've got other pets and more pets, then maybe this is an easier process, but sometimes it's really that type of food or that.

25:00
Of thing belong to that pet. So what are things that you've seen that people can do? Yeah, so I guess in the same way, as you know, I had a wonderful dog called Mikey, his ashes are actually in we have niches in our look at over there, because

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that's where our walkway is. And he's actually just still there in behind a memorial for him in an urn. And I know I kind of want to scatter him up in the gardens. I and this is X amount of years, I can't remember how many years now, loads of years ago, I still haven't done it. So I think, I think, yeah, everyone is different. So like, if you've got your pet ashes at home right now, one of the things you can do is look to plan ahead and think, okay, when I die, what is going to happen to them? You can write a letter of wishes to go with it. That means, like, with your will to say, you know, when I go this is what I want to happen. Just make sure in your area of the world that what you're wanting to happen can actually happen. I have known of families kind of tending to the grave of their loved one and discreetly scattering the ashes of their pet there, because they the place said you're not allowed to do it, so they kind of quietly do it anyway. It would be nice to avoid that for people, because you don't want that added stress.

26:29
But yeah, so going back to Mikey, he's in this room. I unfortunately, back when we lost him, we didn't have the service that we offer now, which is a poor print taking service. So we're able to take pets paw prints that can lead to the family just having it on their phones. It could be that they have a piece of jewelry with it on now, so the pets actual paw print gets imprinted on. You know, back when my mum and dad started, literally, we had kind of like three options. And I was thinking about it the other day, how everything has changed over time, and I guess it's maybe again, a bit more normalizing of people thinking, okay, I can have this, and people aren't going to think I'm a weirdo.

27:13
So more and more people, certainly in the UK, are having keepsake items. So we have these wonderful little things called cuddled stones, which a little bit of the ashes go in. So even if you scatter them on a favorite walk or place, you have a little tiny say, it's like a little stone, but it's really dexterous, so you can put it in your hand and feel it, and their ashes go inside. There's also loads of stuff, like jewelry items, where you could have a little bit of the ashes either inside, or you can actually have them mixed with resin or glass, and then they you can wear those and combine them with the color of your choice, so you can wear those items. So there's so many things like that that again, if you know, if it's the child's first pet, actually having that little cuddle stone by their bedside is going to potentially help them in their grieving. Equally, it may not. You know, you've got to do this. This is why we kind of go look, here's all the choices.

28:12
What you feel is right and when as a process. Now, when we're talking to people, we do actually say to would you like a little bit of token ashes kept separate, so that if you're going to scatter and you want to do something with the little amount afterwards, you can do

28:30
amazing I had no idea. I mean, there's like, beautiful jewelry, indeed, the paw prints I saw, key ring, I saw lots of things on your website that I thought I had no idea this is amazing. And I think it can really, if people want it, it can really help them

28:48
in their process as well, while

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the rest of the ashes go, possibly in a casket and urn, or, you know, anything like that. I mean, you know, we talk about caskets and urns. We once had to help the executors of an estate who approached us because there were about, I've got feeling it was like 15 small dogs who'd been embalmed and placed into coffins all around the person's house, and so that person wanted to keep those pets with her, and when she passed, she hadn't left any instructions with what to do. So the executors thought the right thing to do is have those remains cremated, and then they went with the person. So yeah, there's, there's also, you know, say, every so often, something comes across that really makes me go, Whoa, okay, you know you want that. And you know some people just go look when I when I pass away, I want them combined with me and then put somewhere. But you have other people who have scattered them in a favorite walk long before. So.

30:00
So yeah, everyone wants to do something different, and we're about just giving those choices Exactly, exactly, honestly fascinating to hear all these stories, and you must see loads of things. I also saw something really nice on your website. Was a paw print with a picture, and then the color of, I think it was a dog. Did you? I thought that was so nice as well. Because I think what Leslie and I really

30:27
think is important is that things don't get tucked away in boxes, but if something is special to you, that you bring it out and that you make it something into something lovely, that you can display it. And I thought that was such a nice idea with the pulpit and the picture and then the and then the color, to make it really that it's something that you can put out on your shelves and remember, and it's a sentimental item. So I thought that was a really nice option as well. Yeah, and, you know, another one is you can take a favorite blanket, yeah, and actually have that made into a teddy bear. So, you know, you've kind of still got that, and you can physically then cuddle it. That's a really cool idea. Yeah, the frames are lovely. And again, those frames can actually have the ashes behind as well. Okay, but you've not only got something that's not stashed away in a drawer or up in the loft, you can actually place that item in so and they those frame makers actually bespoke make the frames for us. So if it's something slightly different, they'll make the frame to suit what you want to go in it. Wow, oh, I love that so much. That's amazing. Now, of course, you said something to me as well before we started recording that I thought we definitely have to talk about, that you're trying to help low income families, right with providing caskets. Can you tell me a little bit more about that? Yeah, sure. So

31:55
the idea came to me when actually an old school friend, her mother had passed away, and the ashes that she'd had in, actually, those frames, you were talking about photo frame caskets. And she kind of said, look, what do I do with these? And it kind of with everything that's going on, certainly in the UK, if not around the world, where we're finding money is tighter and tighter. I thought, Well, let's start a scheme whereby if someone has scattered the ashes, and it's kind of instead of them taking the urn home or disposing of the urn, then they can actually donate it to us, and with their permission, we can then pass it on to a family who

32:36
can't afford it otherwise. So yeah, and already I've had that happen, and we've been able to donate. We haven't launched it officially yet, but it's something that, in fact, a gentleman yesterday, who first used us just after my parents started and had has amassed, I think it's he said about seven caskets of his German Shepherds over the years, and four of those caskets were going to go with his wife, who's passed. So he said, Look, if you can use those caskets for someone else, please do so there is part of the scheme as well. Yeah, amazing. And then, and then on top of that. And again, we're talking about kind of, again, what, what you're all about, which is maybe not shoving stuff in a box up in a loft that then, when you die, has to be decluttered

33:25
if you've got items. So one of the one of the topical ones, is medicine, and I appreciate there's people all over the place listening to this. So you'll have to find out the rules in your area. But basically, in the UK, if you took the medicine back to the vet, they have a duty of care to dispose of it. Okay? There are lots of animal charities that are desperate for medications, so subject to what it is, and if it's something that has to be kept in a fridge or has got a short shelf life, then those ones really should be going back to the vet to be disposed of properly. But there might be loads of other ones that you've got that actually could be utilized by a local charity. So So we kind of have a collection point for food, medications and bedding and stuff that we then pass to charities in our area. But you could just find out if you've got items like that, just speak to the local charities, see what they are able to take and what they'd like, and you might be able to give them, you know, a cat carrier, a food bowl, some toys that they desperately want to and then you've helped them, yeah? And you've also then not shoved them up in the loft, in a box, yeah, yeah. And I think, as well, you know, I think it's so lovely to do good for somebody else as well, to be able to donate these items. I mean, there are so many, you know, there's so many giveaway sites and things like that. But if there's a specific charity that, if you know, if you're like, I'm all about the animals, I'm all about charity.

35:00
Animals and more. Then, how wonderful is it to donate some of these items that will otherwise gather dust in your cupboards and

35:10
are hot. You know, they're hard to declutter, but if you go to if they go to the right place, it feels like a good thing, and it feels like a weight lifted from your shoulders. And of course, it doesn't mean you have to give everything. Of course, you can keep a couple of bits that are special to you, but Latina are all about keep the quality over the quantity. It's about what really makes you warm and inside and you think, Oh, that's lovely. That's the thing I want to keep. But that doesn't mean that if there's 20 footballs, you have to keep all 20 of them, the one that was important, that you love, that they love, is important, while the others can do so much good somewhere else. Yeah, and like going back to Mikey, you know, I placed with him a most handsome dog rosette that he won a fun dog show, because, you know, that's how we thought of him. It was the most handsome dog to us. So that went with him again, where you've got some people who might want to reuse stuff for the next pet, and it almost the legacy continues.

36:18
If you've got a food bowl, if you've got to lead, if you've got these things, you think, no, that was so and so's and you know, you're not having them go with the pet when they pass, yeah, give them to a charity. Is that positivity,

36:34
that energy, is a really wonderful positive thing that can go forwards and help others, which I love. Yeah? Yeah. I I'm thinking now. I'm like, I'm thinking about the clients that I that I work with, I've worked with over the years, and I've Pat said, I'm like, I need to have these conversations. Because I think if this whole conversation has really opened my eyes. Now, Kevin, if people want to know more about you, where do they go? What's your website. So we've got quite a few followers on our socials. So on the Facebook side of things, it's dignity pet creme. And actually, the website's the same. So it's dignity pet creme.co.uk.

37:17
Okay, and you cover, you're here in the in the south of England, aren't you? If people so what can you remind me of the association they were a part of that, I assume sites all over the UK, because I think people are like, but I'm in Scotland, or I'm in Wales, or I'm in Birmingham. Where do I go? Yeah, indeed. So it's a ppcc.org.uk, dot org.uk.

37:43
Is the website for the association. What you'll see on there is, there's a code of practice. You'll see that members are independently inspected, so that what they say they're doing, they are actually doing. And I guess that's the biggest thing I would say to anyone who's listening today, is check out where the best place is to take your pet, to offer to collect your pet. Don't just leave it to chance and trust that the stuff they are saying is what they actually do. That's why the association has that inspection for members, so that you know you to be a member, you have to be doing the right thing and doing what you say you're doing. Yeah.

38:26
Kevin, thank you so much for this conversation. Listeners,

38:32
have you gotten more clarity on what is important to you?

38:39
Have you has this podcast really kind of made you think and go, Wow, I don't have anything in place. I need to start thinking about it. I know grief and and passing away and pets dying or humans die, we find it very hard to talk about but I'm hoping that this conversation, this podcast, is going to really

39:02
kind of give you some food for thought, and that you can think to yourself, Okay, what are the steps that I want to take? I need to do some inquiring. I'm going to check out Kevin's website and maybe take it from there. And I'm going to think about all these things, because I think it's super important. And again, Kevin, thank you so much for your time, for your wonderful explanations, and it's been an absolute pleasure having you here as a guest. And thank you so much for your time. Thanks Ingrid. And if anyone has any questions after the event that come through to you, I'm happy again if you contact me, and we can help kind of untangle some of those emotional things that are weighing people down, or they just need a bit of help with happy to be there to help. Thank you.

39:55
Thanks so much for listening to the declutter hook podcast. Don't forget to subscribe.

40:00
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Want to delve deeper? Read our blog

When the Collar Comes Off: Decluttering After Pet Loss
By Kevin Spurgeon, Dignity Pet Crematorium

Losing a beloved pet

When a pet dies, they don't just leave behind silence. They leave a bed still holding their shape, a bowl still on the floor, a collar still hanging quietly on the hook. Every one of those items carries weight. For some people, it’s a comfort; for others, it’s a punch to the heart.

We all respond differently to grief and that includes how we deal with the things our pets leave behind. Some people want to keep everything, as if it holds a piece of their pet’s soul. Others need to clear it away as soon as possible because the sight of it is too much. Neither is right or wrong. It’s all part of a personal journey that is our own pet bereavement process.

At Dignity, we work with bereaved families every day. We’ve seen people keep their dog’s favourite tennis ball on the windowsill for a year, mud and all, because it made them feel close. We offer all sorts of keepsakes so people can keep their pet’s ashes close to them. Our memorial jewellery is very popular (LINK TO PRODUCTS?). Equally some people need to give belongings to a rescue centre right away - which is why we work with so many charities and have a food donation point at Dignity.

As well as looking after their pets, we are there to support families and help them in releasing the energy they need to in whatever form that comes in.

Planning ahead

Planning ahead is important, especially when it comes to your pet’s ashes. A lot of people keep ashes at home without thinking about what happens if they die before making a decision. Creating a simple Letter of Wishes, a note saying what you want to happen to your pet’s ashes, can make a huge difference to your loved ones. It’s a gift, really. It means they don’t have to guess.

This planning becomes even more important when you consider the legal side. In the UK, pet ashes can’t be interred in human cemeteries or crematoria. It’s not widely known, and often comes as a shock. At Dignity Pet Crematorium, we offer peaceful gardens where both human and pet ashes can be laid to rest with one another permanently. My parents ashes are next to their pets under our Monkey Puzzle Tree and we are finding more and more clients are reserving their spot at Dignity for the future.

Making space for healing

Decluttering after pet loss isn’t about getting rid of grief. It’s about making space, for healing, for reflection, and for the memories that matter most. Whether you keep everything or nothing, the important thing is that it feels right for you.

So if you’re staring at a box of toys, a bowl, or a lead today, unsure what to do know that you’re not alone. Take your time. Keep the things that speak to your heart. Let go when you’re ready. And remember: the love you shared isn’t in the stuff. It’s in you.

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