A photograph of a smiling woman, Harriett Bremner

Episode 297 – How to balance a decluttering journey with a demanding job and kids with Harriett Bremner

If you want to have a successful decluttering journey, the one thing it needs is time and effort. But what if your time is already taken up by a demanding job and a young family? How do you fit decluttering in? In this podcast Harriett shares her story with us and explains what she’s learnt from spending time on transforming her family home.

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Transcript of this podcast episode

00:00
If you want to have a successful decluttering journey, the one thing it needs is time and effort. But what if your time is already taken up by a demanding job and a young family? How do you fit decluttering in? In today's podcast, Harriett is going to share her story with us and explain what she's learned from spending time on transforming her family home.

00:35
You're listening to the declutter podcast, bringing you tried and tested no nonsense tips and advice from the leading experts decluttering and organizing your home. Now here's your host, Ingrid Johnson.

00:57
Hello, and welcome listeners. I'm Ingrid. If you're new to the declutter hub podcast, you're so welcome. What you'll find is that we try and find the fun factor in the serious business of decluttering. And if you've been here for a while, you know exactly what we mean. So thank you so much for listening. If you'd like to get involved in conversations related to this podcast, it all takes place in our free Facebook group. So come and join our lovely, warm and supportive community. Go to declutter help.com forward slash group to find out more. Well, hello, Harriett, welcome to the show.

01:36
Thank you very much for having me. It's lovely to see you. Oh,

01:40
it's so nice. And it's been a while since we've had a declutter hub member come onto the podcast, to share the declutter journey. So we're absolutely delighted because it was actually you who reached out to us and said, I'd love to declutter up so much. I've got so much to share. I want everybody else to know about the journey that I'm having. I'm happy to come on to the podcast. And we were like, yes.

02:06
I just, I love listening to it so much. And I thought, You know what, if I can talk to some people, talk to some members and chat to you and help anybody, then then they'd love to do that. Well,

02:18
and we're absolutely delighted. So I think we need to start at the beginning. Just share a little bit about yourself. So our listeners have an idea who Harriett is and why you're here.

02:30
So yeah, so I'm Harriett. I am a 40 something year old. Lady. I live at the I live in England in the southwest of England. I married with three gorgeous children quite they're not babies anymore. But But young, at school age. And so that's my home. And then I'm also a lawyer. So yeah, I did the usual things School University Law School. I had in my 20s and early 30s, I had a really busy busy life as a practicing lawyer in London. And then in Bristol, in the UK. And then in my sort of early to mid 30s. That's when I started my family. And that's when, obviously, as anybody knows who's had some kind of big change in their life, everything kind of changed. And that's when the decluttering kind of plateau or whatever, you know, whatever journey you call it, that's when it kind of changed me when a big life event happened. And that's kind of what brought me to being interested in clutter and decluttering and emotions. And gradually, as time has progressed, everything changed. So yeah, that's what kind of brought me brought me here really

03:53
lovely. And are you still a practicing lawyer at the moment,

03:57
though, I after I had my second child, so I have a daughter and two sons. I had my middle son, I tried to get back into private practice, but on a part time basis, and managed it for a while. But then I wanted to step away from private practice just for a little while to try. As you're saying it's the juggle all the time, every day, it's the juggle and I'd wanted to try to see if I can make something easier. So I then decided to teach law. I'm a law lecturer now and university. And so I'm still obviously a qualified lawyer, but I'm not practicing with clients, but I've swapped clients for students though. Which is, which is more challenging? It's great. And so I'm as they enter university in Bristol, teaching law to postgrads but obviously, that is not. It's different. It's challenging and it's diff Wouldn't it's not any less? If it wasn't clients, but it's it's a little bit more family friendly than? Yeah, picking the office all the time, I suppose. Yeah. Because

05:10
you you don't work five days a week currently, right? No.

05:14
So I've, I've experimented with all sorts of different permutations like lots of people have, funnily enough, it was probably easier when they were little babies rather than as they get a bit bigger. So I've done four days, I don't three days, I'm do do half a week at the moment, two and a half days. But that's it's not turned time. It's sort of all of you around. So you know, I try and balance the week. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't work. Sometimes I juggle the like everybody to just dimes and all the rest of it. But in theory, I'm at home half the week and working half the week.

05:43
Nice. Nice. So do you think that your shell I would call the struggle with clutter then started when you started to grow your family? Is that what happened? You know,

05:55
it's I've thought about this a lot. I think that's probably when I think I would probably describe myself more as sort of a high functioning messy person. That makes sense. I think so honestly, I would say I've probably always been messy. My, my whole family would test it. I don't know why. But I think it was maybe the tiny weeny act of rebellion because obviously I was, you know, like, to, I was I was a good girl I did. I did well in school, got good grades, all that kind of thing. And I wonder if it was a really tiny act of rebellion, you know, to have a messy rhetoric. I'm not sure I'm not conscious of it was but anyway, I was always quite messy. University, obviously, everybody's messy. I was messy then. And then I had flat on my own, I moved to London. And I was still messy, let's call it that. But there was only me. So I had a flat and I wasn't ever really there. Because I worked so hard. So long, so much, I was either in the office at my law firm, or I was out with my friends or I was visiting people at the weekend. So I think like I say I was a high functioning person. So if I didn't do laundry for a week, it didn't matter. I just like, buy a pair of pants, and I never got that bad. But you know what I mean, it was always there. And then I had a little baby, obviously, in my early 30s. And then obviously, I there was suddenly another person in my in my in my space because my husband and I actually moved in together. So that's two people and he loves buying stuff. He you know, I'm not saying at all that he is, you know, it's this is about about me and my sort of decluttering story. But obviously, when you've got another person there, they're bringing in all stuff and they have their own views on stuff. And then we had one baby and two babies and three babies. And I think before I even didn't like the word clutter, I would have said, I kind of almost rebelled against that with all you mean classes, these are my precious things. This is these are my things This isn't you know, it's that word even has got such negative connotations. And it took me a while to realize that not all things are equal. You know, so I think whereas in my 20s and even in my when when they were little, you either didn't have time for that but or I wasn't there. And then suddenly you find a caregiving a little bit more of a how to getting a bit more sleep, I'm getting a bit more handle on stuff, but I don't have the headspace anymore, because there's suddenly not just me, there's five of us. And I forget stuff more than I did, because I've got three little people asking me stuff and I'm trying to just, you know, I used to try to carry everything in my head. And that's part of my job. I'm a lawyer, I'm good at disseminating information and categorizing and all that. And suddenly my head wasn't working as well as it used to. And I thought I have to simplify things not in a minimalist kind of way at all but just in a decluttering of my space my head and I realized that the house isn't gonna get any bigger. And there's five of us in it now and it's have lots of stuff but it can be big stuff and awkward stuff and suddenly where there was just my clothes is now by people's clothes and and I thought it's you know, something's got to change and it wasn't you know as as extreme as sometimes you see on the TV, you know, just you know where the whole house is full and you know, called open rooms and that kind of thing. It wasn't like that it was a slow incremental, a pile of stuff here or a messy cupboard here or a drawer that doesn't close there. Or 20 by coats on the banisters or kitchen surfaces knock, it was that slow, slow, incremental. Increase of stuff. Yeah, everywhere. And me sort of trying to coordinate my life. everyone's lives in the middle and just thinking, what's wrong with me really? Why can't I do this? What's wrong with my head? And that's when I thought actually, maybe there is something to this clutter there. Yeah. And maybe it's not such a bad word. And actually, maybe that is the right word, and the reasonable way to tackle it, so that I don't know if that doesn't happen. Yeah.

10:33
Yeah, absolutely. And I think what I'm hearing and correct me if I'm wrong, but it's like, when you are by yourself, and you're flat, you could kind of, you know, almost like fly by the seat of your pants a little bit. You know,

10:47
I always took pride in that. I mean, you know, like, I was, so work was so full on is so full on. But you know, that's part of being a lawyer. And that's one of the reasons in a way I wanted to do the podcast, because I thought people might think that some people never struggled with clutter, or they're never the sorts of people that you think they must have everything together, you know, like, how on earth could somebody who is a lawyer was meant to be organized and meant to be helping other people? How could they not have organization everywhere? And I thought, you know, and in a way, I was like, Yeah, I'm focused at work organized at work. I could carry lots of information in in my head, like, I was, like, you were saying, I was flying by the seat of my pants, and kind of thinking, Yeah, well, that's tough for other people, you know, I can do it, I can do it. And even for a little while, you know, when I had the kids and my husband works away, as well. So it's just me really, and the kids a lot in the week, which is, which is, which is built on, obviously, and I thought I can do and everyone would say, I don't know how she does it, and all that kind of thing. You think, yeah, I can do this. And actually, behind the scenes, you're thinking, Yeah, I'm not sure I am.

11:57
On the surface, from the outside, everything kind of looks okay. You know, you showed up there was three kids that were dressed and fed. But underneath or behind the scenes, your public paddling like a crazy person, like one of those ducks with their feet kicking like crazy on the water going. I'm just about to barely keeping things afloat. And I think it's because in your 20s, you didn't really have any systems, there was no structure. It was all about work. And the free time you had was about how do I get the most fun because I work so hard, I want to have fun, who wants to do laundry who wants to go to the weekly show? Well, you probably as well also had a little bit maybe a little bit more money as a lawyer, you could kind of say, I'm just going about buy some new pants or something. It's so when I don't have to worry about it. And I can just kind of see how I go and never put the structure really in place that you can then take with you into relationship

12:55
exit. That's exactly what I'm because it wasn't inherent. Because as I say, I had been, you know, messy as a child or, you know, but I'm not you just that it didn't come naturally, I would just put things down or, you know, and like you said, I never had either inherently a structure that I'd learned in childhood, or I never had made that conscious effort in my 20s. I was like you say I was doing other things. And then suddenly, you find actually, you have to put it in place at some point. Otherwise, if you don't, you end up feeling overwhelmed, and, and exhausted. And I say when the kids were babies, the exhaustion is there anyway, because obviously, babies are exhausting. And then you, you know, then they sleep a bit more and you kind of start back at work and you kind of poke your head above the parapet for a bit and you think I'm still not now maybe I you know, I should have those systems in place. And when you don't, it just gets hard.

13:57
So it's your it's your, your husband, I know that it's kind of a similar situation. That's what Leslie had been her because her husband we're used to work is still working away a lot during the week as well. So she also had three kids and maybe less it shouldn't be the person because it's very, very similar, isn't it? And issue, what's your hospital? As you said, he kind of comes with a lot of stuff. He loves stuff. He comes with a lot of stuff. And of course, indeed, when you start to live together with somebody else, you really start to see the way they deal with with time and money and items. When they get time. Did he come with structure? Or was he also bit like no, we'll just see how we roll.

14:42
That's a really interesting question. So so the first thing is that he is dyslexic, so he so one of and and he wouldn't mind me saying because he will say it really himself, but he's severely dyslexic and what One of the side of side effects, I don't have symptoms, whatever you call it, and it's a, it's a very positive, you know, it makes him who he is. And I adore him for it. And it's makes him create and all that kind of thing. But one of the drawbacks is that it makes he loses stuff a lot, and routines and structures and all that kind of thing is really tricky. So he had a, when I first met him, he had a tiny flat, but he had, I think I can't remember what you call them on the on the bags of sweet bags, sweet, but all over the place. So if somebody was coming around, he would just go rush off the table and like, and then and then he would try and do that in our house. And for me, my character is I like all the data as you'd expect. I like all the detail. And if I don't can't do it perfectly, I don't want to do anything. So the thought of somebody just sweeping lots of different sorts of stuff in a bag makes me feel a bit a little bit a bit queasy. So we were very different in our outlooks. And I can remember when he moved out of his flat into my flat, I obviously went to help with him, you know the moving process. And I can remember opening up the hatch to his loft and poking my head in and just seeing this stuff everywhere. And I can remember it took like 10 loads of stuff in the to the tip from one person, one bachelor living. I don't want to use all this stuff. So I kind of had a little insight into the column the way he was so so so I'm very conscious that if I don't fly and have a little system that is easy to follow, you know, this is where we put the glasses. This is where we put our this is where your scarf. So no, that sounds patronizing or is it like a primary school teacher and I don't mean it like that. But if if there is a system that's relatively easy, then that would be fine. But if I let up, we'll have sweet bugs piled up everywhere. So if you couple those two things together, yeah. And then somebody who, who who's really big picture and somebody who's who's doing, you know, micro detail, throw in exhaustion, throw in three kids throw into busy jobs throw him throw in so he shortly after we moved to the southwest. So ironically, we were in London, wanted to have a change, move to the southwest. And that was all great. And then shortly after our second son was born, my husband got made redundant from his job in the southwest, which happens. And when I can remember when my son was, I think three weeks my middle son, my husband had to go back to London. And you know, the place we left lifecyle droids to leave. And then that's where the work was. And what are you going to do? You know, of course, he was going to go Monday to Friday to Friday, Monday to Friday back to London. And of course, I was going to make it work because what's the alternative? Yeah, but it it's, it's sort of it's not easy to suddenly find yourself at home with a toddler and a baby. And, and then he's never really come back to this. I mean, obviously, he comes back at the weekend. And now he works for an American company. So about every sport or six weeks, he'll go to the US for seven or eight days. So when he's gone, it's really gone. Yeah, and and that has its advantages and disadvantages. Yeah. So but it's, it can be tiring being the only the only grown up in that. Yeah, you know, so. But like I say the alternative would be far worse. So yeah, you just kind of get on with it. And, you know, just just try and make it work. So, yeah, but he he I don't know, he likes that. I've heard Lesley say this about her husband. He likes things. And of course, now that he's in the US, he brings lots of fun stuff home every trip and I kind of love him to come home and I think what's gonna be that suit.

19:04
Anyway, and okay. Yeah, I thought I want to ask you a question about that. But I thought maybe it's a bit of a personal question. But do you have? Do you have conversations about that with him and go, I'm really trying to have less stuff in this house. And I know you love stuff. But is that and is that a conversation you can have together?

19:27
Yeah, that's a really good question. I think it I think sometimes it would be nice to be able to have those. This is this is where I envy your Dutch pneus sometimes it will be nice to be able to have that conversation before the point when you need to have the conversation that makes sense it before the point that you've your turn, you're stressed and you wrote I'm not I don't throw things often but you're like why have we got 10 coffee cups and Mmm, it would be lovely to be able to sit with. So we have had the question we have we often talk about it, but maybe not in a common way, in the sense that you kind of talk about it. At the point when it's too overwhelming. Yeah, yeah. So it would be brilliant. And maybe we all should try and have those, maybe we should be more Dutch. Out there is conversations in a calm way. But I think now that we have the kids, I really feel a responsibility to talk about this stuff, like it's completely normal. Like, you do come in, and you can get caught up. Because if we didn't all do that, then there'd be five coats on the floor. So you know, and try and give them that appreciation that this is just what you do every day. You just have to do it every day. It's not much fun, but we just don't do it. And found out that I was coming on the podcast, I played that, or I played them a bit of your one of your podcasts or something over dinner. And they were all screaming together. I don't know. Oh, my goodness, Mommy's gonna make us do. I can't remember what it was about now. But so they so I am trying really hard to make it normal to talk about talk about how we live in this house. But yeah, it's not getting any bigger. Yeah,

21:09
for sure. I think it's really important. And the thick, of course, you know, and it changes as well. I mean, I think your kids are now 610 and 12. Yeah, yeah. So they need, you know, in my opinion, that's my opinion, I think kids need to participate and learn and do chores and be involved. And, you know, and of course, you know, one is sometimes better in one thing than the other, but they all need to have equal turns and all of that kind of stuff. But, you know, I think it's really important that they also appreciate what they have, and not just drop everything to the floor and be involved in, in the tidying up before dinner after dinner or with the chores because, you know, you can't all do it by yourself, you know, when you've got a home and a job and a husband away and everybody needs to pull their weights and you know,

22:00
yeah, yeah. And it's about trying to, you know, because I always, I never wanted to be like a naggy mom, I never want to kind of just be shouting you do this, do this. Because I say thing. And so I think if I can try and what I'm trying to do now is just make it normal. Like you say, like, yeah, we do put our stuff in the dishwasher. We do put a coat up. And I think I've still got I still got time, there's still people I can help them. And just make it part of life. So like I say, I've got one that likes folding, you know, one that's good for somebody else. So, you know, it's I'm trying really Yeah, I

22:40
think you know, and sometimes you do feel like a broken record, right? You're like, Oh, my goodness. I mean, my kids are now nearly 60 that nearly 18 Every day, due to date, you know, put the recycling in the thing, put your plate in the dishwasher, and I'm like, How old are you now? Why am I still saying this? But I just every day I've done that go don't forget to do the recycling. They're like, Oh, well, it's gotta be done and then leave it, you know, but I do if they forget, and they walk away and I'm back in the kitchen and a half an hour late. It's not done. I do call them back. Yeah, yeah. Kids, don't forget to recycling. Not that I don't want them to get away with it. I don't want to get you know, but I'm like, No, that's your job. And I will you know, you have to be consistent with that message. And I think you kind of hope it's soon.

23:29
Yeah, absolutely. And I think it's about like you say just the stuff that's, I'm sure we might we'll probably talk about this later. It's kind of like the stuff that is the every day the resets the stuff that I find that are by far the hardest. Can you draw to declutter and categorize I'm the happiest girl in in the southwest. You know, because I like I like that naturally. I like that. And I'm very happy to do that for the family you know, to do the kids closets and to do their drawers and to do the you know, the kitchen cupboards over there's got a home I'm very happy. I like that kind of thing. Nagging or nagging. I hate that word, but they know the reminding every day. That's not fun. That's not fun. The fact that we've got a system hopefully we've got some systems in place. Not everywhere yet. But we are starting to get systems and now we all have to follow them. That's not fun, but like you say, hopefully it will the message will go in.

24:25
Well, let's go for break. I loved I've loved this this this first part so far. So let's go for a quick break. And we're definitely going to be talking to Harry and more after so see you soon. Hello, everyone. Welcome back. We're chatting to Harriett, who is one of the declutter hub members and she's sharing with us kind of her decluttering journey so let's dive a little bit in that so you had the kids you had the house. What happened did it did you gradually over time suddenly Oh, did something happen? And you thought Okay, enough enough, have enough stuff already. I need to start tackling This

25:00
no depth. So depth, there wasn't like a trigger memo or anything like that. I think. And I think that is interesting in itself. So I think it was this slow incremental increase. Because of the increase of people. Yeah, lack the decrease in the time that increase in my exhaustion. And I think I just started to be less organized, you know, I would be missing stuff or, you know, I just, I just couldn't keep on top of it as much. And it was at the same sort of time that I was, you know, I think it's a word mum fluences. Is that a word? Yeah. YouTube for mums was quite big. With my, when my kids were little. And they would do various videos about their seemingly perfect lives and their perfect children and their perfect organized homes. And I thought, Oh, my goodness, you know, there are people there that are doing this. I say better than me. I don't mean that sounds like I'm judging but myself. But you know, when you're tired, and you're overwhelmed, you think, well, there goes, they've got it all under control, why can't Why can't I do it. So I kind of then obviously went down the rabbit hole of listening to people on online and you know, looking at videos and thinking, Oh, my goodness, and trying a few bits and bobs, trying a few hacks trying a few systems. And they would work for a bit. And I might have an organized cupboard here, or I might have something that worked with the kids there. But it didn't actually solve the fundamental problem about about an organized home that doesn't necessarily have to look beautiful, but actually functions. And that's where I kind of started from, you know, sort of trying things from I say from from people who I don't necessarily sure that you know, that the mumps Lewinsky thing is like a big area. And it's not necessarily what I needed. Actually, I don't I don't sure it was, you know, it, I'm not sure if it's the right thing, when you're actually trying to just, you know, when you're struggling with clutter, or you know, so that's where I kind of started. And then as I say, gradually, as the as the youngest one went to school, I thought and I had and I started to work fewer days, I thought I need to find a way of sort of doing more bigger projects, or kind of tackling, you know, tackling a bedroom here and a bedroom there because they were getting really full. You know, and especially when the my third child was born, was now into the teeniest tiniest room, the little box room in the house, which is so small, you know, you really have got to be on top of it, otherwise, he's not going to fit in. So yeah, so that, um, that's when I tried, you know, sort of different decluttering experts out there or kind of started looking at the boat.

27:53
Yeah. And what happened, then, what the way that you get started. So

28:00
I, I think started with some of the US experts. Yeah, and again, there's some good stuff. But I found that my home didn't look a lot like their homes, so it didn't have the big kind of storage spaces. So we haven't got a garage here or anything like that. We just got a little shed. And so it didn't, I couldn't get rid of a lot of stuff. I couldn't I think the mistake I'd be making was in the beginning that I thought I had to just find homes for all the stuff I had, rather than thinking, maybe there's two things.

28:41
You were focused on the organizing, and the storage containers. But you bypassed the actually I need to declutter, there's too much stuff here. And if I keep organizing, it is never gonna fit in. exactly

28:55
with that. And without asking myself any of the questions about how I actually felt why I wanted to do it, what I was hoping to achieve, what I wanted for my family, what I wanted for the house, why it's hard, why it's really hard to declutter, and, and I think this is one of the reasons why I wanted to come on the podcast, because I thought, you know, there were, there were so many people that and when I first started looking for help, there are so many things that that that, you know, you get bombarded with saying, Oh, you can do this in five minutes, you can do this in 10 minutes. So it's just a hack here or a tip there. You know, if you if you turn all your coat hangers around, then you're suddenly going to be the most organized person in the world and your life will be fine. And I thought, Well, I'll try that. But I still got a close call. And I think it needed to be more systematic than that and it needed to be more. It just needed to be like you say it's it's it's hard. It's a serious thing. It's a serious You know, decluttering? And you have to kind of think, Okay, well, I'm going to do it, and I'm not going to beat myself about about it. I'm just gonna do this cupboard. And I'm just gonna try and see if that works. And then it did you know, and I kind of, you know, and I am still very much, there's still quite a lot to do. And it's almost like, I've got to go around again to try and have another go at it all. But it's yeah, it's slowly slowly, you're

30:24
building up your decluttering muscle, we often talk a lot about round one. And then round two, a lot of the members also mentioned that kind of like, in the first the first time you follow Ingrid, unless the system, you if that's almost the hardest, because you have to really look at all the emotions connected to the items and find out what's important to keep well in round two, a lot of the systems out there and you can really start to almost almost go a level deeper. So I'm not surprised that you're now saying I want to go back to some areas and do and do more. But you're still growing, you're decluttering muscle, you're still moving through your house and doing one one area at a time because you're doing this. So how do you fit it in? Right? Because with five people that must get a job two and a half days a week school runs? Laundry, on five people. So where do you find the time to fit your decluttering? In? Yeah,

31:22
so I think it's so I think it's about so I'm quite good now at knowing what I find hard and what I find less hard. Some things I will kind of, I don't mind doing. I don't mind doing and I will happily fit them in other things, I think, oh my goodness, that's a bigger project. And then I have to be feeling really brave or sheduled, you know, some some proper time to do it. So for me, funnily enough stuff like paperwork, or just because of the nature of my job, that's not for me such a big thing, because I'm naturally I've been sorting out paper all my life at work. So yeah, that that is not a big project. Whereas sentimental items, for example, I know that's a massive project. So I am not ready for that. I know that it's pulling too many, the kids are quite small, a lot of the sentimental stuff will be stuff related to them, is pulling it too many heartstrings, and I've put it but I've managed to put it all in a cupboard, close the door. I know, it's just sentimental items. And I will get to that when I'm able to do that. Yeah, rest of it, I kind of try very much to do a little bit of decluttering when the opportunity presents itself. So you know, silly things that were we've just come back from holiday, when I was doing the packing, I pulled out all of the T shirts in my son's drawer and got rid of the ones that were too small. So I just did it at the same time. So that's half of them gone. And then you know, that's that's a drawer decluttered. So again, you know, if I noticed that a drawer in the kitchen, all the water bottles, half of them, you know, maybe being used, and I'll just take everything out and just give it a quick wipe out and only put back the ones that that we're using. So that sort of thing, I'm getting much better, and I'm much quicker than they used to be. And I'm just trying to to be much more careful about what comes in. That's not easy. That's really hard with, you know, birthdays and Christmas and other people. That's not easy. But I at least I'm kind of at least the Penny has dropped. So I do try and do those little bits. And then obviously if I know that there's a big project, I'm going to have to look at my week a bit more, depending on what's going on, and then try and find a longer a longer. But the thing that for me, always goes to pot, and I don't know if it's the same for other members is the resets when you're tired. And you know, I think it almost should be called the receptor because I think once you've gone through the first round of it, and as I say, you know, it's quite exciting when you first start getting it was another drawer, I'll have a go at that. But then the realization that no, you do have to wipe down the counters every night, you do have to put away all the stuff, you do have to make that laundry go through, you do have to do your own and all of that kind of stuff. Because if that and the days I struggle is when I'm not on top of that, you know, like, you know, we've had the kids have been at home for the holidays. So it's harder than ever to have that quiet time. You know, if they're at school and I come back, I can reset the house quicker than I ever used to be able to do it in half an hour. But if everyone's here and it's you know, it's much harder. Yes. It's a work in progress, I think but as I say I'm a lot because I just have more knowledge I think now.

34:44
Oh, that's that. That makes me happy. Because I think what I think it's so important that you learn as well because I think what a lot of people okay, no, no, hold on. Let me ask you. How did you find the declutter hub and what was With that you thought, I'm gonna give that a go.

35:02
So I started with the podcast. So I had, I was listening to an American decluttering podcaster. And you and Leslie were guests on their podcast, thought, Oh, I like the sound of these voices. I like the sound of these ladies. So then I started listening to your podcast, following your past podcast and really enjoying it. I listened to a lot of podcasts when I'm on the school run all the way to work. And I really liked it. And then I did a reset your home challenge. Yeah, that was timed really well, because it was in September, which is obviously here in the UK, that's our back to school time. That was the time when we had the summer holidays, and it would have been chaos in the house, we would have been probably maybe not at its worst, but it would have been looking a little ropey. And I would have had a bit more time I thought I can I can commit to this. And I can I can do that, you know, I think it was five days or seven days. And I remember, and I would listen on replay because I couldn't always do it live. So I would do that. And then I thought and at the end of that, then you introduce a membership and there was a special offer. I actually was sitting there and I thought maybe you know what that would be sounds really cheesy, but like a present to me, you know, I thought maybe I can do this for me. And, and then so that's when I joined the membership. And I'm not, I'm quite quiet in the membership. I'm not sort of very present. But I'm there in the background kind of working my way slowly through things. Following that, and I kind of dip in the pout. And I was thinking about why, you know, like, why I think you're different or why I love it so much. And I think it's because and this is this gives her really, and it'd be this in a bad way. But almost it's because it's not about you and Lesley in the sense that I mean it is obviously your everything. But it's not about your life. You You are you are a professional experts. It's not about Ingrid's day, or there's this day or anything like me, you do, we're very fortunate give us little glimpses into your life. But you're an expert, you're coming to us, you're not coming into us as an influencer, that wants us to get involved in your life as to you know, by that, you know, they're not that you're not saying that you've had an epiphany, and suddenly you're not you're an expert, you're professional you're teaching, it's a bit like a university. Like, it's a bit like school. And you know, like, if I was thinking, if I wanted to, you know, know how to make a cake, I wouldn't suddenly just throw all the ingredients in a bowl randomly with no proportions, and then berate myself because my cake hadn't risen. You know, I'd go online and I'd find somebody that like that I trusted that knows how to make a cake and I follow the recipe and then fingers crossed one cake would work, say, you know, is the same, you are professionals, and you're saying, start here, do this. And what I like is that you're doing that very clearly. But you're also saying, This is how you might feel. And if you feel like this, then that's okay, you know that that is how you feel. And these things are difficult. And it can take time. And we're not going to tell you to, like go like you said in you said before, we're not going to tell you to put all your children's books in rainbow colors, because it wants to do that, you know, just have a tiny bookshelf, you know? And I think that's for me what makes you different and, and I love that because Sunday's, I'm too busy to just kind of, you know, do a lot. So well might just do one tiny little thing or watch one, when or when I dip in and dip out. But I think probably almost every day I'll listen to something even if it's not to do it even it's just to remember it, you know, thinking okay, you know, I think oh, sorry, sorry.

38:47
I think it's interesting because I think some members kind of they immerse themselves in everything that we offer. While other members love the accountability that we do on Zoom. Others love to ask us questions and show up to the q&a as others. I think it's what I'm hearing from you, you love the learning you love all the courses, the learning. And I think that's how we started by because we felt like really experts, we need to share our knowledge. And that's when we started building courses. And of course over time you realize, but hold on a minute. Everybody learns in a different way and everybody wants something different. Some people need that accountability of showing up to our success sessions. Others love being part of a community of of like minded people. And I love it that you love the learning because of course that was where we started. And we build it out from there. And we've we've we've poured everything that we know but we always tried to go well you can do this. This is what we would do. But that could work or that could work. Do what works for you and your home. But here's here's here's some options. And I think that's really nice.

39:55
Yeah, absolutely. And occasionally I think oh, I wish I feel bad in a way that I can't contribute more to the membership in terms of sort of commenting or, you know, being on being present as much. But like you say, I have a finite amount of time. Lots of people that need me and yeah, lots of things going on. But I'm there in the background kind of, you know, like, I, you know, thinking my wedding dresses hanging up in within my son's bedroom, and I've been looking at it thinking, What on earth am I going to do with that? So I googled, like, Lesley and Ingrid wedding dress, and sure enough, there was a podcast on what to do with your wedding dress, and I listened to it, you know, that, like, you know, gave me and helped me, it's like having, it's like having, you know, I was gonna say, a friend or a sister or something like that. It's partly that, but it's more having teacher, because I have a really friendly teacher that knows the practical side of things, but also knows really importantly, knows how you might feel about something because like I say, you know, some things are just really hard to dig into. For whatever reason, you know, me I know, it's linked to when the kids are little or you know, all about that kind of thing. So being a being able to say, Okay, that is a bit hard, but I can do my mugs. Fine.

41:16
Talking about the kids, have they seen a change? Now you've been in the cultural hub since for the last year? Have you seen a change? I mean, of course, you've seen say, because you've been doing the work but have other people around? You seen a change and Paragon, wow.

41:31
Yeah, funnily enough, I think. So my husband has definitely said, you know, as I was saying before, about, like systems and where things are, yeah, I think he's definitely said, oh, yeah, you know, I can, you know, I've noticed, you know, bits and bobs that you've done. And the kids do, I mean, little by little things, like hang up there, hang up their coats, and things like silly things, like we have a cupboard under the stairs, that was packed, absolutely packed, and I pulled everything out, got rid, you know, decluttered it. And I've put a couple of big drugs in there for shoes, because shoes is always problem by the end I've got it doesn't look greasy, but it works. And they get home and they open the cupboard, and they throw their shoes in the truck. And that works. And it's fine. It's things like that, you know, they can see that their drawers are empty here. And they can know, they know where the toys go. So they don't always put them in there. But if they can, so yeah, I think I mean, I think it's more, you know, subconscious that they there rather than a sort of, you know, I think it's a gradual thing. But definitely they are they are they all kind of a little bit more aware of stuff than they ever were before.

42:47
Yeah. So I think as well, you're right, you know, those daily resets the decluttering is one part of the journey, isn't it? It's the building of the systems and the organizing the storage. But a big part is that maintenance those daily and weekly resets, that can be so boring. I mean, I happen to love folding. I don't mind ironing, I don't mind cleaning. But I know there's a lot of people who go that's like my worst thing I could do in the day, I just don't like it. But what I will always say is that as the more Pete stuff goes, is being decluttered and goes into the right place, the easier your daily resets will become. It will take shorter because things have a home to go to the tidying up will be easier, the cleaning will be easier. But of course you don't see that when you just start off with doing your mugs, right? You're like, I'm never gonna get out of here. But when you start to put those that decluttering in place, everything else starts to fall into motion. Laundry gets easier if there's less close, which sounds crazy because you think that if you gotta love a close it because you don't have so much to rush through all the time. But actually, the more clothes you have, the harder laundry is because it starts to pile up. Yeah,

44:09
apps. Absolutely. And I think I'm just physically a little bit quicker at it than I was. So this morning I dropped the drone back at school and I was thinking oh my goodness, the house has been a mess. You know, once they've been away, it's gonna take me ages. And actually I cleared down the kitchen, the utility room, the little dining area, but and I cleaned it all put lots of stuff away. I probably did it in about half an hour and that was quite quick really considering it was after the holidays. I was doing it thinking you know, I know where to put the can birthday cake candles, I know where to put the all the shoes, gathering them all up. So I was really pleased with that and I thought progress, and it's not exciting or it's not it's not very glamorous or anything like that. But I thought actually, you know what, that's not too so Yeah, I think but as I do this, for me, that's the hardest part of it because it's not natural to it's not innate to me, I would rather come in and drop knock, rather, but I would naturally come in and drop something. And it's kind of reminding myself all the time until hopefully, I don't have to remind myself anymore. Yeah, but you know, you got you got to do the washing up after dinner. Otherwise, you'll hate it in the morning. Yeah, it's, it's always true. It's always true. And if I'm really tired, I don't do it. I always hate it in the mornings. Yeah.

45:32
Well, well done. I'm absolutely have loved our conversation. It's so nice to see, you know, everybody's journeys within the membership. And everybody goes about it in their own way. And like I said, everybody loves different parts. And don't you even worry that you that you feel you can't contribute, you're contributing in this fantastic way where other people can hear your story and the way you have kind of come into the membership and you're trying to work your lot you the stuff and the development around your life, because it is, you know, when you've got a job and a husband working away and three kids, it's a lot to take on and you have to be able to one of the teachings is that break it down, Break it down. And that's exactly what you've been doing. You know, you've said several times, I'm just doing a little drawer after I'm doing a little bit and that's exactly and that's how you build on your successes. And it's just fantastic to hear. So thank you so much. This has made my day well listeners oh my gosh, if you know me a little bit you know I would like all emotional and thank you so much. Well, listeners has Harriett story inspired you to maybe tackle the clutter. Maybe you want to learn listen to some more podcasts. Maybe you want to come into our Facebook group. Maybe you like harried want to come into the membership and do lots more learning about the emotions that sit behind the stuff that is in your home, and how you can surely but surely over time, change that. So thank you again to Harriett for being a guest on our show. And please share, we'd love to hear from you. If you want to share with us a comment or anything like that. We would love to know go to the clutter. health.com find this episode and leave us a comment or go to our YouTube channel. You can leave us comments there as well. We read everything. So thanks so much for being here. And Harriett. Thank you again.

47:30
Thank you for having me.

47:37
Thanks so much for listening to the declutter hop podcast. Don't forget to subscribe to us in your podcast player so you don't miss an episode. We'll see you next week.

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Stacking Oreos and Rainbow bookshelves –
the decluttering journey
of a weary 40
something mum by Harriett Bremner

I recently had the privilege of being interviewed by Ingrid for a ‘Meet the Member’ podcast

I had contacted Ingrid and Lesley initially to raise a few questions for a members’ Q&A session and mentioned as a parting thought that if they ever wanted a member to share their experiences of The Declutter Hub, then I would be a very willing volunteer. I didn’t really imagine that they would want to take me up on the offer, but to my great delight, a little while later a wonderfully cheery video from Ingrid landed in my inbox inviting me on the podcast! I was over the moon – firstly at the prospect of speaking to Ingrid, but also at the thought that I might be able to help others out there who were having their own battles with decluttering, the way that The Declutter Hub had helped me.

The half an hour or so chat I had with Ingrid was wonderful, and truly the highpoint of my week

She was so warm, friendly, and genuinely interested in what I had to say. We were soon talking about my experiences of mess and clutter in a way that was both profound and supportive, acknowledging that, although many may say that decluttering is just a simple case of ‘tidying up’, for those of us that struggle with mess and clutter, decluttering taps into many emotions that in reality are far from simple at all.

I recently read an article by a well-known financial expert

explaining that many people assume that debt comes to people when they are frivolous or careless, unwisely spending their money on lattes or avocadoes on toast. In fact, the reality is that debt usually comes to people when they have an unexpected change of circumstances such as losing a job or a partner. I think clutter is a little similar – you can be making your way through life, just about coping with the day to day management of your stuff, and then something changes – illness, bereavement, a house move – and the fragile grip you had on your stuff breaks, and it all become overwhelming.

In my case, it was actually a very happy change of circumstances that lead to my clutter overwhelm, the arrival of my three beautiful children, and my transition from single 20 something to busy working mum.

I spent my twenties as messy but generally carefree

l lived a busy life in London, firstly at law school and then working 12 or 16 hour days in a large law firm. As I told Ingrid, if I hadn’t done my laundry for a week, it was not ideal, but not the end of the world – I just bought another pair of tights on the way to work, laughed and carried on! But fun though that may sound, I realise now that actually I was just storing trouble up for myself for later. Because I had no good habits, no understanding of the practical importance of regular resets, I did not have the foundations to be able to cope when, in a matter of a few short years, I had gone from busy London lawyer with only myself to manage, to wife and working mother of three young children, with a house, a home to manage, and most importantly four other people relying on me to keep the whole thing from crashing down about our ears. Suddenly there was more stuff and a lot less time. And the stuff was so big! Why does nobody warn you that, for such little things, young children have a lot of BIG stuff! Anyone that has ever tried to navigate their way through a living room filled with a jumperoo, a mini ball pit, a teeny tiny workbench and a small pushchair for an enormous stuffed Peppa Pig will know what I mean. And did I mention the clothes? Going from a wardrobe for one to a house filled with clothes for five that all need to be washed, ironed, managed, handed down, given away, day to day, week to week, season to season – it makes me tired just typing it! As Ingrid and I unpick on the podcast, clutter for me, and particularly the feeling and practical reality of being overwhelmed with clutter, was not something that suddenly happened one night whilst I was sleeping. It was a slow, cumulative process, like an unfixed dripping tap – more and more things (and people!) were coming into my house yet nothing was leaving, more and more demands were being made of me yet my energy was decreasing, more and more happiness and love filled my home yet more and more self-doubt and anxiety filled my brain as I berated myself that ‘I just wasn’t doing it right’…

Feeling completely inadequate

I looked around at my new ‘mum’ friends – whilst their babies slept, they often talked about ‘getting a few things done’…What are they doing I often wondered? What are these things that they are ‘getting done’?! All I was doing was cuddling my baby or playing with my toddler and drinking sweet tea to keep myself awake in my sleep deprived state! In desperation I turned to ‘momfluencers’ online…These capable, perky, ever-smiling women online who miraculously seem to be able to run a beautiful and tidy home, whilst simultaneously making healthy snacks for their children and giving you ten top hacks for organising your pantry which magically will only take five minutes… As I watched these ladies enthusiastically stacking Oreos into glass jars and organising their children’s books by colour into beautiful rainbows, I finally had a moment of clarity – what Ingrid and Lesley would call a ‘lightbulb moment’. This is not real life. Or even if it is for some lucky few, it is not the reality of my family life. All I want is a home which is free from mess, where the things that my family need are well organised, neatly stored and can be found by everyone so that we can leave the house in the morning with everyone vaguely in one piece, with their shoes on and my car keys located..

Enter Ingrid and Lesley stage right….

By some lucky coincidence, I happened upon Ingrid and Lesley giving an interview on the podcast of a US influencer. Loving the sound of their voices (as well as what they were saying!), that led me to The Declutter Hub podcast. Instantly I connected with the simple wisdom and practical tips they offered. From the podcast, I signed up for a Reset your home
challenge that was taking place in September – the timing was perfect as it marked the return to school period here in the UK, when I had slightly more time now that I was free from children between the hours of 9 and 3, but also the house was looking at its most dishevelled after seven weeks of 24/7 occupation by my little brood during the summer holidays. The Reset your home challenge was the perfect introduction into The Declutter
Hub system. Slowly and steadily, I would listen to the sessions (often on replay rather than live), learning about clutter, finally making the connection between ‘my stuff and my feelings’, and gradually implementing the techniques that Ingrid and Lesley espouse. And they worked – I had the beginnings of an organised home and a battle plan for how to keep it like that. From there it was an easy decision to join the membership, I had been bitten by the decluttering bug and I wanted to learn more. Thanks to an attractive promotional rate to join the membership at the end of the Reset your Home challenge, I signed up to the membership for a year, and have never looked back. I can honestly say that I use the member resources pretty much every day – for every space in my home, every decluttering conundrum, there was something to help me. I have done whole courses, but I also love the quick wins, the showaround videos and the checklists. Gradually, I am building up the knowledge that I lacked, learning techniques to help me manage my home, and most importantly, coming to a place of calmness.

What I love about The Declutter Hub

and why I think it is different from many others out there, is that it gives equal importance to the practical and the emotional when it comes to decluttering. Lesley and Ingrid never pretend that there is a five minute hack that will suddenly magic away your clutter. They gently support you in the reality that decluttering can be hard, it can be emotional, because dealing with your stuff can force you to face the feelings that the stuff represents. When I became a parent, not only did my home become filled with a lot more stuff, but my heart became filled with new emotions. The seemingly simple task of decluttering a toy no longer played with, or a babygro outgrown is linked with all sorts of emotional questions – Did I play with my children enough? Am I present enough in my children’s lives? Am I a good enough mother? It also forces you to confront the passing of time – as your children grow out of their clothes, you have a visual reminder in the too short trousers or the teeny tiny socks that life is short and that you are growing older, and that can be hard. It can feel easier to shove the teeny tiny socks back into the drawer and not deal with it, but with Ingrid and Lesley’s help, I believe that you can kindly and gently clear out that drawer, donate that toy and move on to enjoy a well-functioning and organised home.

I occasionally love to imagine that Ingrid and Lesley are my big sisters

my best friends, my kindly next-door neighbours. But they are not, and to imagine them as such is almost to do them a disservice. What they are is professionals. They are professional organisers with years of experience, and they are excellent at what they do. This is not the stuff of hacks, or
quick fixes – they give their members the benefit of their professional expertise, they teach and they inspire, and always with warmth, humour and the occasional hard truth. They are genuinely exceptional, and I cannot recommend them highly enough.

I cannot pretend for a minute that it is always plain sailing

As I type, I can see a Lego strewn floor and my six year old happily surrounded by literally hundreds of bricks, peacefully humming to himself unaware of the chaos he has created. The laundry basket is straining after a busy few days and not enough hours in the day to fit in the ironing. There’s a little shoe mountain at the front door which seems to grow taller by the hour. But the difference now is that I know that, if I follow the systems suggested by the Declutter Hub, if I do the daily and weekly resets, and keep steadily making my way through the resources available on the membership, nothing will be impossible to tackle. My kitchen will be clean and tidy again, and I’ll still have time for a cup of tea on the sofa before the chaos begins all
over..

Of course decluttering doesn’t make you a better parent, just as it doesn’t make you a better partner, spouse or employee. But in my experience, it can make you a calmer one. And a calmer mother is usually better equipped to tackle the ups and downs of family life. Thank you to Lesley and Ingrid for restoring calmness to my hectic life, filling up my toolbox with the things I need to have a peaceful, well organised home that really functions. Now we can get out of the house in the morning with what we need for school and work without it resembling a Victorian farce, and for me that is all I really wanted.

But I’m still not stacking Oreos and creating rainbow coloured bookshelves …

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Episode 297 – How to balance a decluttering journey with a demanding job and kids with Harriett Bremner

Stacking Oreos and Rainbow bookshelves –
the decluttering journey
of a weary 40
something mum by Harriett Bremner

I recently had the privilege of being interviewed by Ingrid for a ‘Meet the Member’ podcast

The half an hour or so chat I had with Ingrid was wonderful, and truly the highpoint of my week

I recently read an article by a well-known financial expert

I spent my twenties as messy but generally carefree

Feeling completely inadequate

Enter Ingrid and Lesley stage right….

What I love about The Declutter Hub

I occasionally love to imagine that Ingrid and Lesley are my big sisters

I cannot pretend for a minute that it is always plain sailing

Episode 310 – How to choose what to wear with Jennifer Mackey-Mary

Episode 309 – The evolution from chaotic to calm

Episode 308 – Becoming debt free with Brad Nelson

Episode 307 – 10 household things people get seriously passionate about

Leave a Reply

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want to get started right away?

Episode 297 – How to balance a decluttering journey with a demanding job and kids with Harriett Bremner

Stacking Oreos and Rainbow bookshelves – the decluttering journey of a weary 40something mum by Harriett Bremner

I recently had the privilege of being interviewed by Ingrid for a ‘Meet the Member’ podcast

The half an hour or so chat I had with Ingrid was wonderful, and truly the highpoint of my week

I recently read an article by a well-known financial expert

I spent my twenties as messy but generally carefree

Feeling completely inadequate

Enter Ingrid and Lesley stage right….

What I love about The Declutter Hub

I occasionally love to imagine that Ingrid and Lesley are my big sisters

I cannot pretend for a minute that it is always plain sailing

Episode 310 – How to choose what to wear with Jennifer Mackey-Mary

Episode 309 – The evolution from chaotic to calm

Episode 308 – Becoming debt free with Brad Nelson

Episode 307 – 10 household things people get seriously passionate about

Leave a Reply

want to get started right away?

Stacking Oreos and Rainbow bookshelves –
the decluttering journey
of a weary 40
something mum by Harriett Bremner