A graphic of a messy wardrobe which needs decluttering and organising
Episode 22 – Why is it so hard to declutter clothes?

In this podcast, Lesley and Ingrid talk about why it is so hard to declutter clothes. Your wardrobe is your expression of who you are to the world. Why wear clothes that you don't feel good in? For some people decluttering their clothes is very hard and lots of emotions are connected to it.
Lesley and Ingrid both realise that decluttering clothes can be very daunting and it is important to understand the emotions and challenges that are connected to having a lot of clothes when starting your decluttering journey so they discuss why is it so hard to declutter clothes.
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Transcript of this podcast episode
Intro  0:07  
Welcome to today's episode of The Declutter Hub Podcast, your channel for super easy, no nonsense advice on how to declutter and organise your home. Please welcome your host professional organisers, Ingrid Jansen, and Lesley Spellman.

Ingrid  0:30  
Hello, and welcome listeners to Episode 22 of the Declutter Hub Podcast.I'm Ingrid. 

Lesley  0:36  
And I'm Lesley.

Ingrid  0:37  
If you have clutter and want to sort it out, this is the show for you. In today's episode, Lesley and I are talking about why decluttering clothes is so hard. Your wardrobe is your expression of who you are to the world. While we're clothes that you don't feel good in. For some people decluttering their clothes is very hard, and lots of emotions are connected to it. And in today's episode, we'll be talking about the psychology behind decluttering clothes, Lesley? Yes,

Lesley  1:07  
I love clothes. Actually, I love going out. I love buying shopping, buying shopping. I love buying shopping, too. I love shopping for clothes. And I do regularly change my wardrobe. So I think my wardrobe is got a constant regeneration in it.

Ingrid  1:23  
I actually as you know, I don't really shop a lot for clothes at all. But actually one of my favourite things to do is decluttering wardrobes and helping other people with their wardrobes and decluttering and organising it and when I declutter and help my clients and also when I do my own wardrobe decluttering I just find out a lot. There's a lot of emotions involved when you start talking about clothes and touching clothes and getting them all out. And there's a whole range of emotions connected to decluttering and organising clothes. So I'm really glad we're talking about this today and about the psychology behind decluttering clothes.

Lesley  2:03  
Yeah, and I am desperately do to be honest with you for a declutter of my own wardrobe. That's the problem when you do this job as a professional sometimes you don't always keep on top of your own. I was looking at this morning saying that is not the wardrobe of as a perfect of a professional organiser, I need to tackle that. So maybe this will inspire me today. I've got the same emotions with my clothing as everybody else does. And so it's not something you know, we're not like robots, are we that kind of don't have those emotions, we absolutely feel the same, exactly the same psychology as everybody else when they're decluttering clothes. Yeah, that's why I wanted to talk about and it's important. First of all to understand some of the psychology is behind it and the emotions that get wrapped up in clothes and shoes as well, specifically those things before we start talking about the details of how to declutter and how to organise your wardrobe and stuff. So let's talk about that today.

Ingrid  2:57  
Yeah, excellent. Must have made it makes me always laugh when you do these confessions in the podcast. And you're saying to the whole world to know Yeah, I actually need to declutter my own wardrobe.

Lesley  3:09  
Just do as I say, and not as I do is that it's not good. It's not good. I'm not taking any photos. I'm not doing any sort of sharing of myself and my wardrobe upstairs. But anyway, I think

Ingrid  3:22  
it's not as bad as you make it out to be Lesley. Anyway, so clothes, why do we actually have so many? I mean, even I don't like shopping that much. But I still have a lot, you know, I've still have a wardrobe full of clothes and a cupboard full of clothes.

Lesley  3:37  
I think we do. And I think, you know, there's this whole saying that goes around, which is that we were asked this the right way around 20% of our clothes 80% of the time, and I think that's probably fair for most people. I think that's also because we do certain things 80% of the time, like work. And if we wear the same things to work every day, you know, we are going to wear a small amount of clothes 80% of the time. Yeah, it's all the other stuff. But it's looking at why we're keeping all those other things. And if there are things that are just sitting there for years, year upon year, on torched, and actually your wardrobe is bulging at the seams. And it's very difficult for you to find what you need to find and you're not getting to those hidden things because you can't get there because you can't move your hangers along. That's the that's the thing, isn't it? You know, if your wardrobes fine, you can fit everything you can see everything. You know, there are certainly some people out there who are you know, everyday will pull out something different out of the wardrobes. So this doesn't apply to everybody, but there's a whole lot of people out there that go through the same emotions and wear the same stuff day after day after day.

Ingrid  4:39  
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Also Yeah, like you said, probably because they can't move in move the hangers, and it's kind of so jam packed. They can't even face trying to pull something out. And then maybe even finding out they can't wear it for whatever reason because there's a button missing or because it should have been to the dry cleaners or it hasn't been ironed or loads of different things but I agree with you. I think it's I'm really glad we are chatting about it today. So let's maybe talk about lifestyle and having a lot of clothes. So when do we see that we've got a lot of clothes when you change your lifestyle? Don't you really?

Lesley  5:16  
Yeah, definitely those clothes that served you well before in a sort of previous role maybe that you had. So I mean, the obvious ones are going to be if you're, you know, you've had a sort of corporate working life, and then you suddenly take some time out to stay home with your kids, or whether you retire, or there's loads of things isn't that you know, changing from being a student to adult Anyway, come as a working person, there are some people who have enforced retirements through ill health, and that makes it it's a change in lifestyle, to lots and lots of different reasons why the clothes that we wore for years and years that served as well, no longer do. And sometimes it's a really hard wrench to get rid of those things. You know, it's not as easy as it might say, because it's like, trying to say goodbye to a life that you may be absolutely loved, you know, particularly if it's one that's been forced upon you. So you know, we talked about retirements, we will help or something like that are genuinely just retirement, you know, it doesn't have to, you know, it's hard to move forward and to, and to know that you're never ever going to wear those clothes that you loved. Again, you know, and so it's not something that you can just get rid of straightaway. You know, this may be a phased approach.

Ingrid  6:29  
Yeah. Yes, yes, you do see wardrobes with lots of suits. And for the gentleman, maybe ties and for the ladies, nice shirts, and matching shoes, and kind of the whole thing around it. And then when they have a different life now, but they open their wardrobe, and they see all those suits every day. But they they're now wearing skinny jeans, or black leggings, or T shirts or whatever. And you see all this time, all these clothes that you can't wear your current lifestyle at. It's very frustrating.

Lesley  7:01  
And I think for a lot of people working life and rules of what you wear at work has changed. Now there's a lot of dress down stuff and people have been a little bit more, you can be a little bit more freer not everywhere, but a lot of places you can and so maybe you don't need all those corporate suits that you used to wear years ago. Yeah. So I think that's really important it to understand that it's not quite as simple as just right, I'm no longer working. So therefore I need to get rid of my 27 business suits. No, life is not as straightforward as that. And sometimes it takes a little bit of time for you to get your head around that and to decide. But if those 27 business suits are stopping you from putting your leggings in the skinny jeans that you're wearing now into your wardrobe and finding them, then that's when perhaps you need to look at it. The other one the other thing that I wanted to talk about as well as we always have things that we love that make us feel good. So for some people, it might be a pair of black jeans it for some people, it might be a little black dress, I notice I always say black, because that's for me, it's the most flattering colour, always trying to disguise something or other. But yeah, and so what people do, if you know you look good in something. So let's take a little black dress as an example of that, you know, you've got a killer black dress that you wear all the time, you've got your second or third that you wear as an alternative. But what we tend to do is we tend to keep on buying little black dresses because we know this suitors. But actually we never get to number four, or five or six or seven, we only wear our sort of top three favourite things. And so those are the things even though their grades never see the light of day because we're always wearing one, two and three. Does that make sense?

Ingrid  8:32  
Yeah, yeah, I'm trying to think of an example. In my own way. I'm a very colourful person. So I'm thinking, Oh, I've got a lot of colours in my wardrobe. I actually don't wear a lot of black, but I've seen where you see your points, you know, you can have too many things of the same thing. Sometimes.

Lesley  8:48  
I mean, you know, another confessional here, if you wanted to look at my wardrobe and see various versions of black trousers, you would see and call trousers, skinny jeans, you know, leggings, you know, all different things. And you know, some of those, the waist waistband is a little bit low for me now, it would have been fine two or three years ago, but now, you know, as your muffin top spills over the top of them, perhaps you're not going to wear it again. And so, you know that I definitely have even though I might have 10 pairs of white trousers, I probably only wear three or four of them. But it's hard to get rid of the other six, do you look to me, but that's totally what I'm going to do this weekend after this podcast.

Ingrid  9:27  
Yes. All right, true.

Lesley  9:32  
Well, it's true that I'm going to declutter my wardrobe this weekend. All right. And then the other thing really, that sort of takes us on to the next one, and this is a tough one really to talk about, but it's something that affects quite a lot of it. A lot of us is fluctuations in weight for different reasons. And so weight plays a big part in people's wardrobes. What I want to say because, you know, I don't have a big weight problem, but I do fluctuate in weight throughout the year and I am a con stunt visitor to a slimming club, mine Slimming World. Obviously, there's other slimming clubs, clubs out there as well, Weight Watchers, etc, etc. And so I always think there's real close alliance really to the process of decluttering. And the process of losing weight in terms of accountability, and being honest with yourself and having a process to follow and things like that. So there's, there's definite comparisons between the two. So I always find that completely fascinating. Well, I'm sitting in a Slimming World, and they're talking to me about the things that I talk to my clients with. But yeah, I can't do the weight thing on my own. It's really quite strange. But anyway, I digress. But so weight is something that plays a part in everybody's in a lot of people's wardrobe, if you're lucky enough to stay the same way. I don't hate you, it's fine. So we have there are people who have two or three different sizes in their wardrobe. And there are some people who will literally go through those sizes in the course of the year. But there are other people who have gained a lot of weight over the years. And it's very unlikely that they're going to get back to being a size 10, or a size eight or whatever. And so I think sometimes, but sometimes those things when you open your wardrobe, there's a psychology about opening and seeing all those things with with sizes that you no longer are. And that could be smaller, when you're large. It could be anything, do you not I mean, I work with a client with with anorexia as well. And so it's not always clothes that are smaller than you are today, it's the opposite way around as well. And there's deep psychology attached with those things. Because, again, it's taking you back to a life where you were you were happier with your weight or whatever, whatever that weight was. And it's hard to say goodbye to those clothes and to say, I no longer am going to be that. But what we're sort of asking is not for you to make a decision, because there's no right or wrong decision on that. But what there is, is there has to be a level of honesty with yourself whether what you're trying to get to is achievable. So are you ever going to get you know, back into a size tiempo jeans? If you've been a size eight team for the last five, six years? That kind of thing? And also, if you do get back to a size 10? Fantastic, but do you then not deserve to go and buy yourself a new pair of jeans? Yeah. Does that make sense? Yeah, it's a tough one. And the psychology of weight is not something you know, we're not weight specialists at all. But it's something that we come across all the time. And it's just something that people you know, are attached to and find really difficult, for obvious reason.

Ingrid  12:28  
Yeah, you know, I can imagine that if you've got five or six different sizes of clothes in your wardrobe, then it's you're constantly being confronted with that every day, you know, it's really important that you when you open your wardrobe in the morning, especially if you're busy and you need to get out of the door, you want to make sure that actually everything that you grab from your wardrobe is something that actually fits and works for you. And, you know, maybe it's better to have another wardrobe somewhere else, but some clothes that you are nearly in or that are a bit bigger, because you've lost a little bit of weight. But actually that the main water that you use all the time, it's actually clothes that you can use because otherwise, it must be very frustrating to all the time take a camera, that camera that that's too tight. That's too whatever, whatever. I think you lose a lot of time as well. I mean, and it's frustrating.

Lesley  13:23  
Yeah, definitely. Definitely. Yeah, those are tough bumps a tough one, but you come across it regularly. Yeah, we regularly it's a regular feature in people's difficulty with with offloading clothes out of their wardrobes. Yeah. Another thing that we come across quite a lot as well is people feeling guilty about the clothes that are still sitting in their wardrobe for different reasons. Often that is a mistake purchase that potentially cost a lot of money. And people cling on to that because they feel guilty about the amount of money that was spent. Yes, I'm sure you see that quite often with shoes with you know, coats dresses that kind of thing. Or top end You know, I remember I did this years ago I had these beautiful sort of fuchsia pink, you know, just like a drop dead gorgeous pair of shoes I absolutely loved I just couldn't, I couldn't walk. I don't know why I was thinking like six inches. I was like, you know, as you get older, your heel size decreases suddenly, I don't know what I'm going to be in by the time I'm 60 but at the moment that kind of you can't even wear heels like I used to anymore. It's like all very sad but anyway. And so these shoes are just I couldn't walk in them. But you know, they cost a lot of money and I still felt really guilty but you know, you leave them sitting there on your shelves in your wardrobe. And it perpetuates that guilt really makes you feel guilty every time you see them the mistake that was made at the time that you made the purchase. And if you're never ever gonna use them, pass them on to charity to someone who is going to be able to use them or if they are expensive and in a box or with tags on them. There's a possibility of you being able to sell them

Ingrid  14:59  
mm Yeah, I know. And you know, it's not only beautiful shoes, it's also you know, dresses, coats, hats, very lovely scarves, all of those things, you know, jeans that were expensive, you know, that you think I bought them? Why? Why, but they were so expensive. And, you know, it can be a 50 pound purchase, or 100 pound purchase. But if you haven't worn it or have only worn it once you feel guilty of letting it go.

Lesley  15:31  
Exactly. Why do we do this to ourselves this guilt, we get wracked with guilt about so many things. But yeah, clothes is definitely one of them. Yeah, I think the other the other thing that I wanted to mention about feeling guilty is the other end of the spectrum with our little babies, it's gonna take me back to the time, my little ones were little. But anyway, I digress. When we have little children, they go through those clothes as expensive outfits so rapidly. So if you've got a newborn baby, they might only be in an outfit for like, three, four weeks. Yeah. And we've got loads and loads of them, because you've had loads of beautiful gifts when your child was born as well. And so we feel this guilt about just sending them to the charity shop or something like that. And we should never, ever feel guilty about sending things to the charity shop. But I think we think it was so this brand new, and you know, things like that, that we feel that we need to pass them on to somebody that's going to use them that we know. And so, so often I see and laughs and garages and things like that bags and bags and bags have beautiful baby clothes, waiting to be passed on to a sister or to somebody or cap if you're going to have another baby yourself. And so, but the one thing that I wanted to say about that is that's great. But make sure that you're not just offloading your own guilt onto somebody else. So if you are going to pass those clothes on, make sure that the person who's going to receive them actually wants them. Certainly when when people are when people have babies or children, they tend to want them and they'll take the best out of them. But then, you know, make sure that they know that. Take what you want. And if there's anything that you don't want, either pass it on to somebody else or send it to charity at that point. But there are so many so many I bet there's loads of people listening today who know that they've got four or five bin bags full of children and baby clothes sitting up in their loft waiting for a rainy day.

Ingrid  17:17  
Yeah, yeah. And I've had you know, I've had also clients who said, Yeah, I'm gonna pass them on to my family. And I'm like, Oh, I wish somebody in your family expect your baby. Oh, no, they're still single, I'm not. Okay, so they have not even met somebody yet. They're not pregnant or adopting or anything like that. But you're going to stick your clothes all in the loft in boxes or in the basement or wherever they are for a possible person to give them to in the future. And I said, How do you know, for example, keeping it that long? Is that a good idea? But also just having the feeling that you've got all this stuff in your house? When it?

Lesley  17:57  
But it's hard? It's hard, isn't it? Because within those within those five bags of clothes that upstairs, there's probably 1000s and 1000s of pounds with the stuff. And you think I can't just do something. But we're always massive advocates of giving to charity anyway, aren't we don't feel guilty, if you can't give it to somebody immediately. And just always use charity as an option. Yeah,

Ingrid  18:23  
it's better. It's better than keeping it stuck in a bin back on your lofts. And then it will become an all musty and damp and, and then nobody can get any use out of it anymore. And also, I think when you are and I think we're sidetracking a little bit, but if you are picking up clothes that your kids have outgrown, only keep the rest be far more ruthless in what you put back in a love for a second or third child or if something that you want to give away. There's loads of stuff, you know, that is a bit worn too much, or does have stains or whatever. Take that out before you even get there. But well, we'll talk about that more when we talk about decluttering. But I just wanted to make that point now already.

Lesley  19:02  
Yeah, cuz we are going to do a podcast, aren't we specifically about the process of decluttering clothes? So this is all about the psychology and what we're going to talk about is how do you actually do an effective declutter on your wardrobe? What do you need to do? What process do you go through? So we'll come to that in the next couple of weeks? Yeah, I think talking about baby clothes, that takes us very neatly on to talking about sentimental clothing as well, because some of those five bags have been bags of clothes that are in our life, they're not destined to go anywhere. They're because you can't bear to part with that beautiful, beautiful memory of your newborn baby. Or your four year old or your 10 year old, you know, it kind of goes down probably over the years. But when your kids are really young, you know, you love to see your kids and they evoke such hugely special memories of things that you did and places that you went that it's very hard to let go of them. And so a lot of people are keeping those things in their laughs not to give away but for memory for sentimental reasons. And that's hard as well. So what do we think about sentimental items? I think it's, I think it's up to you to do whatever you want. But I think that it will be probably a phased approach, the passage of time will probably make some things less sentimental.

Ingrid  20:15  
Yeah, I think and I think it's not only kids clothes, I think it's wedding dresses. It is maybe close from the 60s or 70s, that were really cool at the time, and you think might come back into fashion and become vintage and, or clothes from other people that you you find really, really hard to let go of, and oh, my gosh, I mean, of course, now it's admission time, I'm going to admit, I still have my wedding dress. I just can't park with it.

Lesley  20:43  
But why is that? Why is that a bad thing? I can't, you know, honestly, when I'm working with people I do. You know, sometimes our job is also to encourage people to keep things that are very special. For wedding dress, it evokes bad memories. And so it's a wedding that fail and sorry, it's a marriage from a marriage that failed. That's a different thing. But if you're still happily married, and you've got your wedding dress, I mean, what more what, happier, more sentimental days than that. And so I wouldn't ever dream of getting rid of my wedding dress, you know, but to be fair, it's kind of stuffed in with my suitcases upstairs. You know, it's not in a great place. It probably needs to be boxed or I know there's a there's another admission, oh, my god, I can't believe I'm saying all these things. But anyway. No, I'm totally going to get my wedding dress boxed up this this weekend. So but yeah, I don't think it's a bad thing to get rid of your wedding dress at all, you know, but obviously, if you really tight on space, that might not be an option. Yeah, to keep it because that's a big item. Yeah. And I mean, I love sentimental things, and I think people should is what is this quality over quantity that we talk about a lot with sentimental stuff, isn't it? Yeah, need really special things. If you've got 100 You know, baby items from your little boy, then you've not got the quality of just got the quantity, and you're never going to be able to pull out two or three really special things, and remember them. And it was interesting. Actually, the other day, a little aside, I got a I got a note from an Instagram actually, from a lady from a lady follows me. But she moved into my house 10 years ago. And she found in the laugh when she was doing a loft thing, the little tag from my little boy, my my. Yeah, I know. So I must, when I've done a house move, it's obviously fallen out of one of the sentimental boxes. So it's the one from when he was born a little tag that we put on Yeah. And so to get that, as you know, of course, I've got sentimental boxes, my son is now 23. But to see that little tag and to the size of it on his little leg, you know, so cute. But that's, that's why quality, over quantity, because I've got a box of stuff downstairs. But to get that one thing. And as that reminder, you know, kept us all talk and you know, my son, my son's girlfriend, my husband, the other kids, you know, it's really special. So that was definitely a quality over quantity. Nothing to do with clothes. But we were talking about babies. So yeah,

Ingrid  23:02  
I think I think it is true. I think it also goes for if you've got a lot of clothes that you've worn in the past, you know, they all say it will come back into fashion. And I'm thinking you know what the fashion change, you know, what was very cool 10 or 15 years ago, you know, it's a different version of that. But keep the stuff that is really important to you and that you feel something special with and that doesn't mean keeping five suitcases with clothes from either your parents or your cell from when you were young. I think that it's too much to oversee what you have. And I think it's better to have one books, but some really nice things that you think oh my gosh, I love that. And to really be able to enjoy it. Or if you know that you've got like a cool photograph of yourself in a certain piece. Maybe that's the thing. That is enough for you.

Lesley  23:58  
Yeah, definitely. I think I think sentimental cloth, uh, you know, you touched briefly on sentimental clothes from other people. So I lost my mom, 14 years ago, I think it was now. And for me what sort of epitomised her was a dressing gown that she wore all the time. And so that's the thing, but I have that hanging in my wardrobe, because then I see it all the time. So it's one thing, it's not loads. It's one thing that I see, and it reminds me, but what I don't need is I don't need 30 things. I just need one. And that takes me straight back to my mom with that one thing. But that's some that's 14 years. Do you know what I mean? So, six months later, I'm sure I didn't have one thing I would have had more than that. But you know, so if you talk about keeping sentimental items from other people, I say if you've got an opportunity, put one of those things in your wardrobe. So you've got that remind me cut off too many things. Of course you can't. You've probably got space for one, and it evokes that memory every time you open your wardrobe, which is really lovely. Yeah,

Ingrid  24:54  
I also read a story one time about this a woman who actually hurt garments had made possibly with Japanese I can't remember but they had a kimono. And she loved it. And she actually had it framed. And of course it is huge. And she has got a wall that in her house that can have a massive frame with the kimono in it. But that of course, is a wonderful way to display something that's really special and that you love. But again, it is only one it is not 20 chemo knows in a box in a loft somewhere in in the attic that you never look at again.

Lesley  25:32  
I think there's there's loads of lovely things like that nowadays isn't that there's, you know, you can get school Blazers made into little teddy bears and you know, really cute set cute ideas of using things that can sort of repurpose in them, you know, blankets that get made out of lots and lots of maybe laid out shirts or something like that. There's you know, there's so many clever, there's clever people out there doing clever things that mean that you've not got 27 things hanging in your wardrobe and actually repurposing something that you can use. Yeah. out and see every day. So I think that's really important as well. Yes, yeah,

Ingrid  26:04  
true. I mean, a good example is I helped my one of my clients, she and her husband passed away. And she really said she wanted from his shirt, she wanted to have a quilt mate. So we did some work together to find somebody that could do that for her. So she said, I don't want to keep all his shirts and all this stuff. But I do want to have a special Memento made. So she did it that way. And I thought that was wonderful.

Lesley  26:28  
Yeah, absolutely wonderful. Absolutely. And you know, that's certainly something that's something that's only just come about in the last four or five years. Yeah, I think the little bears with the blades. Have you seen those? No, no. So you put the like the little school badge of your blazer on these little teddy bears? It's so honestly, it's right. Okay, so we've gone through some psychologists today. So there's a lot of psychology wrapped up isn't there in clothing. And hopefully, we've gone I mean, there are so many more like anything with decluttering, we're only just scratching the surface of all the emotions that you might go through when you're dealing with your own stuff and your own items. But I think we've talked about some of the main ones that we come across regularly, giving you a little bit of food for thought on how you can deal with those emotions as you're decluttering your wardrobe.

Ingrid  27:13  
Yeah. And also, then I think that's good to know, because the next steps, the next podcast we're going to do are about decluttering. And then of course organising your wardrobes. So it's good to have an idea about what kinds of emotions you're possibly feel when you're going to tackle those wardrobes and what you're going to run into. So it's

Lesley  27:32  
gonna have the challenges that you're going to face and how you need to challenge yourself, if you have got an excessive amount, and you do need to declutter some stuff out of your wardrobe to make some space, what hard questions, so you're going to have 10 challenges you're going to have to put in front of yourself, really, whether that's guilt, whether that's weight, all of those things that we've spoken about today, and just about being really honest with yourself and what's going to serve you well in your current and future life rather than, you know, staying in the past. Really,

Ingrid  28:01  
yeah. So listeners, can you identify some clothes in your wardrobe that are no longer serving you in the life you have now? And can you already imagine yourself going through a couple of these emotions when you're going to declutter that wardrobe. Lesley, and I really appreciate you listening today. And if you'd like to get more tips and advice, please follow us on social media. We are on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook. And we have a lively supportive Facebook group community where we chat all things clutter. We'd love to see you there. And if you don't want to miss the next weekly episode, subscribe to declutter hub podcast on iTunes, Spotify and Stitcher and it will pop into your notifications each Friday. Thanks for listening. See you next time.

Outro  28:48  
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