A graphic of a woman looking confused holding her hands up with 2 thought bubbles to shop or save
Episode 322 – How to avoid Black Friday shopping Don’t Buy Ask Why

Black Friday can put anybody to the ultimate test when it comes to avoiding buying things. There is no doubt that Black Friday is a time to secure those bargains, but the best bargain in the world is leaving something on the shelf. In this podcast we’re going to talk about navigating Black Friday in an attempt to encourage you to Don’t Buy Ask Why.
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Transcript of this podcast episode
00:00
Black Friday can put anybody to the ultimate test when it comes to avoiding buying things. There is no doubt that Black Friday is a time to secure those bargains, but the best bargain in the world is leaving some stuff on the shelf. In today's podcast, we're going to talk about navigating through Black Friday in an attempt to encourage you to don't buy but ask why

00:35
you're listening to the declutter Hall podcast, bringing you tried and tested no nonsense tips and advice from the leading experts in decluttering and organizing your home. Now here are your hosts, Ingrid Jansen and Lesley Spellman.

00:58
hello and welcome listeners. I'm Ingrid and I'm Lesley. If you're new to the declutter hub podcast, you're so welcome. What you'll find is that we try and find a fun factor in the serious business of decluttering, and if you've been here for a while, you know exactly what we mean. So thank you so much for listening. If you'd

01:18
like to get involved in conversations relating to this podcast, it all takes place in our Facebook group. So come and join our lovely, warm, supportive community. To find the Facebook group, go to declutter hub.com, forward slash group to find out more, or you can search for the declutter hub community on Facebook.

01:37
Well, hello, listeners. Hello, Lesley, it's a big day. Today. It is Black Friday. Our podcast is coming out back Friday, and I'm having a bit of a feeling Lesley, that people might go well, but I like shopping. I like buying. I want to turn off this podcast. What do you mean we can't shop? This is not the thing we want to hear on Black Friday. I

01:59
know it's interesting, isn't it? I mean, I fear that the damage may have already been done, because people have been selling like Black Friday from like, mid October anyway, haven't they? Do? You know what I mean? So it used to be like one day and the day before, but now it's like, okay, Black Friday is coming. Like, what? Like before Halloween? It's like, crazy, um, but yeah, it's an interesting one. So let's you know, as you have outed me before on the podcast, actually unjustifiably my opinion as some kind of crazy Shopaholic and you're this kind of virtuous person who never shops at all. Are you buying anything for Black Friday? No, oh

02:39
my gosh, I immediately sound miserable. I I can't think of anything that I would want or want to look out for to get a deal on. I'm just I don't know. I'm just I don't know. I'm not gonna what. I've not been waiting until today to buy something because I feel it's all a bit of a trick. Is it really cheaper on Black Friday? Yeah, it

03:03
definitely is. 100% it's cheaper that, you know what I mean. So I think if you if you know that you want something, or there's something that you've been, you know, if you need a new Hoover or a new washing machine, or, you know, something particularly for Christmas, that if you're buying presents or gifts for the festive season, then you can definitely hold off and get some bargains, for sure. So if it's something intentional, that's absolutely fine, because you can get a deal. And we all need to save money, right? So I think that's really important. But I think for you Ingrid, you don't really even, you know, you don't buy Christmas, you do sinter class, and that's a much more chopped down version than many people have for like, the Christmas festivities, which sometimes can go a little bit crazy, not always, it's a little bit more. So I think that yours is a more. It's rightly so a smaller amount of gifts anyway. So you're not going to be spending like, hundreds of pounds on your kids into class, right? So that's not a thing you do. And so I think, I think it's interesting from that perspective. So you're not really a shopper, and that doesn't drive you, but if you are in that world of kind of shopping, and buying things for Christmas presents and for kids, and, you know, I think it can be quite useful. But the word is intention as always, it's all about that intentional spend, isn't it? Yeah.

04:19
And I think you really, I really, I know, you know, you say there's deals, and I you probably right. Lesley, there is great deals. Have you ever

04:28
been on a Black Friday? Have you ever looked at anything? No email lives like completely in the dark, shopping related. But you've never owned an email about a deal gone onto like Amazon to look at a deal, have you? No, just doesn't make you tick, right? No.

04:48
So I'm like, okay, okay, I'm going with you on this one that they're probably good, fantastic deals. But you also hear that sometimes a deal is not a deal. So if you're doing. Doing this really look and kind of look if, if you're a person who's like, Okay, I'm gonna make use of those flat Black Friday deals, really check if it's really a deal. Because I'm like, Okay, if you then greet to go you want to go shopping, make sure you get a good deal. Because I'm Dutch. After all, I want to save money.

05:18
So if you So, if you if you decided so talk to us about your shopping, because you do buy stuff, right? So I was with you a couple of weeks ago. You had a brand new top on. So talk to me about that origin of that top. How did you go about that? Did you go, Oh, I need a new top. Or did it pop up on your feed somewhere? Or did you get about a kind of discount code that said it's 30% off that prompted you to go and shop, because I think it was like a new place, right? You told me,

05:43
I know, I know, and that actually I normally I have like, two or three places where I shop because, of course, you know, Marx Spencer is, like a favorite like you. I love Marx Spencer as well. And there's two or three other places that I know that if I go there, I'm very like to find something so, but I don't go shopping very often, so I don't look a lot. So that's that, that's where it goes already, kind of But indeed, something for this occasion popped onto my feet and I thought that's so colorful. I like colorful clothes. I always like things with color in them, not like very

06:19
you're looking, not very, looking, no, looking very colorful today, by the way,

06:23
it's orange. It's orange and dark blue,

06:26
black. Kind of looks black.

06:28
It's dark blue with orange,

06:29
kind of orange. I know I think your shoulders looking quite black, but, yeah, I hear you like color.

06:34
No, I like color so, but a lot of the things in the shops I find are always so dark. So I'm not a gray, black, brown kind of person. So something popped up my feet and I went, That's really colorful. So my daughter was already rolling her eyes, and goes, Oh, here we go in the rainbow color thing, because it was kind of a cheerful sight. But I actually found three things that I liked. So then I'm like, Okay, I actually like all these colors. And then I can I, when I buy something, I might buy two or three things. I would not just then buy the one I actually ended up on their website thinking, Oh, this is really colorful stuff. And I like color. This is great. And the nice thing is, actually somebody gave me a compliment about this new top, this random man that I met in the train said, Wow, I really like your talk, but I would it's new. I've not worn it this for the first time, so I felt good, because

07:29
I think it was like too much information for the guy. The next 30 minutes talking to about her shopping things and that she likes color and rainbow things and how she found and the guy was like, whoa. I wish I had not mentioned I know, by the way, I give you a compliment on it as well, yes to it to kind of remember that

07:54
I know, I know, but it's like we always kind of, I think we are nice to each other. We compliment each other when we see something new, or something you're like, really nice, or something like that. But like a random person that I've never met before, I really like your top. I thought that was like, really, like, oh, okay, but anyway, we're going completely off track here, because

08:11
really what you're saying is that you did exactly what we're saying not to do so you didn't have the intention of buying something new, correct. Got taken down a rabbit hole with this, and then you ended up buying three things because you went to a site that you liked the look of. So that is the anti antithesis. Is that the word of an intentional spend, really? So you went off on one. So it might not be Black Friday, but you still pull down that marketing right now. Oh, that shouldn't

08:40
happen. Exactly.

08:43
It doesn't happen very often, but it does happen because it's difficult, and so I think it's about, I think it's really, we have to understand our own triggers, don't we, so, you know, you're very, you know, yeah, okay, you're going to be forgiven. I can be forgiven, right? We, we're both quite intentional. We know exactly what we're doing, yeah, when we know our shopping ways, right? So there's not, we've not, we've not got a problem. We're not overspending, it's not ridiculous, all that kind of stuff. We're declution along the way. All those kind of things are in place. But I think it's important to understand your own triggers, and so, you know, certainly for a lot of people in our world that have got things like ADHD, it's a very common trait to become impulsive on things as well. You know, people who've got things like bipolar disorder and have manic episodes, you know, spending and compulsive shopping is a big part of that, as is like excessive generosity as well. So sometimes it's not about ourselves, it's about other people. And so we need to recognize either the compulsions that are leading it to that or the triggers. And so we need to go, do, you know what it is boredom or, you know, I do get go down a rabbit hole of, you know, following the kind of marketing thing, you know? What is it about me and what can I take out of my life that's going to mean that I don't do that so, but first things first, it's about, I. Identifying whether this is truly a problem for you. So yeah, Ingrid and I are not here to say, don't shop, because that's just ridiculous, right? We buy things. We need to buy things. It's nice to buy things sometimes, but we need to keep everything in perspective. And I think when you're on a decluttering journey, sometimes what that does is it sabotages all of the good work that you're trying to do. So it's about having that perspective, understanding the triggers, understanding behaviors that might happen as a result of a mental health issue or something like that, and acting on that, and trying to kind of hold off and go, What can I put in place to stop myself from doing that? We did a fantastic podcast like what, a month, six weeks ago, with a lady called Carrie rattle. And she is a psychologist that talks about obsessive shopping compulsions, and she went into it into a lot of detail. So if you've not listened to that podcast, it's absolutely fantastic, and she will explain it way better than we will, because we just go off on tangents talking about rainbow tops and don't need but I think, you know, it's important to understand this kind of spontaneous spending, and then it leads into financial headaches, then it leads into clutter, and then all of a sudden, all this stuff that you've bought for the with the best of intention become a bit of an albatross around your neck, right? Yeah, yeah.

11:19
I think so true, and especially at this time of year, right? Black Friday, the weekend, Black Friday weekend, the Cyber Monday. We've got the holiday season coming up with Christmas and all of the celebrations. And we really, I think can go overboard. And I think it's really important to kind of, if you're on a decluttering journey, go where? What's the trick indeed? What's the trigger here? Where does it go wrong? I don't want to say, but where can I identify the things that happen? Is it that I just just mindlessly shop around and just gotta throw things in my basket? Is it that I'm tired in the evening or had a really hard day at work, or a really hard day caring for family or whatever it was, and I just kind of want to lighten my load a little bit. What are the things that set you off on just either going around the shops and and just buying stuff, or mainly online these days, just throwing stuff in your basket and just clicking mindlessly on that buy button. Where's the Hold on a minute. What am I doing? Is this helpful for me? Am I overspending on my children or my family for the holiday season? Is it all just a little bit too much, and I think it starts in needlessly, with that self awareness that, wow, I actually realize I'm doing this. And I think that's the start of everything, right? Because we cannot say to you, stop shopping. That's crazy, but what we can say is, think about it. We want to plant this seed in your head and go, actually, what am I my behaviors? When do I show up? How do I show up? Who do I shop for? How does it make me feel after the first hit of I bought something? Oh, gosh. And now the fallout of all of that, and I think once you start to have that realization for yourself, then you can actually start to change your mindset about it absolutely.

13:23
So I think we should go for a breaking grid and then come back after the break and talk about things that we can do and what we need to do to try and recognize these things, because it's not easy, right? It's not easy. We're just we're in that cycle, aren't we? So let's go to a break and let's come back and chat about it afterwards,

13:40
right? We are back for part two of our podcast, Lesley. I'm all hot and bothered after, actually, yeah,

13:48
because I've called you out buying three tops when you were intentional. That's why Mrs. Holier than now with a oh, I don't really shop. Oh, you just went down a little thing and bought three tops. Did you when you went into Yeah, you know what I mean? And they Oh, les is a compulsive shopper, really. So anyway, but that's by the by we will, we will let that go, and we will carry on with our wonderful information in this podcast. So I think one of the things that we talk about and right back in episode two of the podcast, like the very first kind of real podcast, we talk about four different components of what we teach here in the declutter hub, decluttering, organizing, tidying and cleaning. And one of the very, very important things that we teach is that it's so important to be able to understand the difference between all four of those components. And actually, what I'd also like to now add into the mix this shopping. And so, you know, where shopping fits into that is kind of up for debate, really, but I think it's understanding how shopping fits into the other things. And so before our experience with working with people who are obsessively shopping or. Or compulsively spending, or even just buy more than they want, or find they've got too much stuff, whatever that is, and whatever level, obviously there's a spectrum of compulsion. Is that the word is compulsion, a word compulsivity? Yeah, whatever. And there's lots of different levels, and you need to know where you are, but I think it's really most people in our world don't get to that stage of fixing the shopping compulsions without doing work on their home first. And so what we've done for Black Friday is that we've put together a suite of products, a suite of self study courses that you can work through, that take you through that journey of understanding, and then you get to a stage where also, you know, we're all about mindset change. Yes, we're about decluttering, yes, we're about organizing, yes, we're about storage, leading to tidying, resets, all that kind of stuff. But it's all about that self awareness. We're all about the emotions. And so before you can get to that shopping side of things, you need to reconnect with the stuff that you've got in your home already and understand how your past behaviors have caused you problems. And you know, and you will see the results of your shopping as you start to dig into your home, and that will be like, Why did I buy that? And so all of a sudden those light bulbs will go on. So we put together some products, haven't we that we're going to talk about now, we do. We run it every Black Friday, and it's super successful. Because what we want to urge you to do is, don't buy just actually flip it out and go, You know what? I'm not going to buy anything. What I'm going to do is I'm going to focus on reconnecting with the things that I already have. Really, really important. So there's five products in the don't buy. Ask why package it is on sale. So it's ironic that we're talking isn't it about not buying anything and asking you to buy something. But honestly, it is an incredible, incredible offer, and we'll talk about it later. So Ingrid, what's the first part of the don't buy? Ask why bundle?

17:06
So first of all, we have included our boot camp in our don't buy as y package, because I think it's really important that you do your core rooms in your house. So when you're on a decluttering journey, there are things you need to do a lot of people, and we talked about this before, but a lot of people think about clutter. Think about the hardest things in their house. They think about the messiest rooms, the chaos that's everywhere. But you need to do the rooms that are core rooms in your house. So what do we consider core rooms, for example, your kitchen, your bathroom, your bedroom? Those are rooms that you need to declutter and organize first, because you need to build up your decluttering muscle, you cannot start if you if you have struggled with looking at your clutter, making decisions about it, you can't start with the hardest thing. You need to start with the easy things, a mug that has a chip on it, a plate with a chip on it, a Tupperware container or a plastic container that's lost the lid, all of those things you need to go, okay, that's where you need to start, because you need to start easy for yourself. So the boot camp will help you go through those rooms, those core rooms in your home. So you are ready to then take your decluttering journey a step further. Yeah. I think it's so

18:35
important to go through the boot camp in a kind of measured, structured way, isn't it? So yeah, boot camp comes first, and then, yeah, you know what we're talking about here is we're talking about trying to get you through the obstacles that appear, and reconnecting with your stuff. And I think it's about reconnecting with the things that make you truly happy. So one of the things that we've included within the don't buy s y bundle is our sentimental course, our sorting out sentimental course, because what that allows you to do then is to remember the things that truly make you happy. And it is not stuff, sometimes it is a little bit of stuff, like letters and cards and medals and stuff like that. But it's not stuff that you've typically bought from a shop, right? This is other kind of sentimental stuff that you have gathered along the way, you know, pictures that people have painted, all of those kind of things. And so the sorted out sentimental course is in there too. So we take you through the boot camp where you declutter and reconnect with the stuff in your house, understand the emotions relating to that stuff, and we'll make massive progress there. Then we take you in. The next thing we go, right, okay, now we need to look at the sentimental things. Go, oh, you got makes me so happy. And then once you get that warm, fuzzy feeling with the things that you have found reconnected with in your sentimental stuff, and it's all about quality over quantity. So you know, we will be urging you to let go of some of those sentimental things, to allow you to really reconnect and enjoy the things that you're keeping so. Yes, then you there's a mindset shift, which moves you into a place which is actually maybe I don't need to buy stuff because I can actually read that letter or look at that card or enjoy that painting, those kind of things. So our sorting out sentimental course is in there too, yes.

20:15
And then the big thing that people struggle with as well is paperwork. So we're going to give you several videos about paperwork, because you need to see what is happening in your home. What are you spending your money on? Where is the money going and getting on top of that, paperwork can be really, really important, so we have absolutely included some paperwork videos as well for you to look at. So I

20:41
hope that you can see by now that we're definitely going on a journey. We're taking you through that boot camp to do the learning, to do the reconnection with your stuff. We're taking you through that sentimental stuff, to reconnect with your sentiments, to enjoy what you've already got, the special things in life, which will all be around experiences, not stuff. Then we're taking into paperwork to be confronted somehow, to to kind of open yourself up to the idea that you've overspent potentially then in the past, and to sort of recognize that. But then you might be that person that's like, that's all well and good, if you know, but I've overshot for many, many years. But you might be a person who's like, I have overshot and overspent for many, many years, and how that's ended up is that I've got a room, or several rooms in my home that are full to the rafters, and so it would be very difficult for me to do the boot camp, to do the sentimental, to do the paperwork, so I'm not there yet. So if that's you, what we've included is our room of doom master class, and what that is, is it teaches you logistically how to deal with very full rooms, and it's all about the logistics of managing the process to get yourself to a point where you can start to do some decluttering and organizing. So the room of doom training is absolutely fantastic, from that perspective. Isn't Ingrid absolutely love the room of doom training. And sometimes you know, if that is you, and you've got a very full house, the room of doom training is probably something you would do right at the start of that, before you even go into the boot camp, exactly.

22:05
And then finally, we've also included, I know we keep on giving, don't we? Lesley, we've also included a keeping up momentum master class, because you might go, I'm on a roll now. I'm doing these things. I'm going through these rooms. But sometimes life gets in the way. Things get in the way. And you're like, Okay, but how do I keep going? Because hopefully, you know, we've, we've done many, many podcasts here in the declutter hub. It's a role. Life is a roller coaster. Things happen. Life goes well, it's all smooth sailing, and then roadblocks get in the way. So sometimes you have to go, Okay, what do I do to keep up that momentum? Can I go back to just doing a few minutes here or there, just to not fall, go off track, fall off the wagon. It's really important. This is not a a quick fix. This is not a, oh, I'm just going to clean one room, one area. My house is done, and I'm don't have to declutter anything for the rest of my life. This is something that you have to keep doing. It gets easier. Trust us, it does get easier when you've done that first big clearing of a room, the second and the third and the fourth time. It gets easier and easier because there's less clutter to contend with, but you have to keep it the momentum. Now

23:24
you'll know, if you've been listening to the pop this podcast for any amount of time, that we have our lovely membership, which has got tons and tons of courses and tools and strategies and techniques, and we work on it quite a lot, collectively in the membership. But what we found is some people like, I can't afford a membership. That's just not, not possible for me. So that's why we've done this bundle. You know, it's not the membership. It doesn't have everything in there, but it's got an awful lot in it that's going to give you a really, really good head start. And the nice thing about it, the value of that, if you were to buy all those courses, self study wise, they would be well over $1,000 and we're offering it for Black Friday for $147 in pounds. That's like maybe 120 pounds, I would say, something like that Ingrid. So it's an absolute steal. You're going down from $1,000 down to 147 so it's an incredible value. And it's only on sale until midnight on Cyber Monday, which I think is the second of December, right?

24:22
Yes, indeed. Last year, this midnight on the second of December. So if you want to check out our Black Friday bundle, our don't buy, ask why bundle. Go to declutter hub.com, forward slash Black Friday podcast, and you'll find out all of the details, and we'll, of course, put it in the show notes as well. It's quite

24:44
exciting. You know, as I listened to it there, I'm like, you know, it's quite an exciting proposition to go through that full process of mindset change, isn't it? And it is self study, right? So you've not got, I mean, of course, Ingrid and I deliver all the courses and and all of that kind of stuff, and, but the. Just pulled out snippets of stuff that we have in the membership that we find very, very impactful. And you know, we hold this off to for Black Friday, to give you an opportunity our membership is not something that you can do. Yes, a very viable alternative. So what we're urging you to do is, don't spend it on that Black Friday bargain. Potentially spend it on the don't buy us. Why bundle our Black Friday bundle and really make a difference to your home in 2025

25:27
Yeah, I think Lesley, you said it really well. We want all of our listeners to fall back in love with their house, and if the quarter is really just making you feel down, making you want to get out of your house and only kind of get in there if you really, really have to. We want you to change that. We want the best for you. We want you to enjoy your home. We want you to feel that it's a safe place. We want you to feel that it's a place that you love being. We wanted for you to be a place where you want to invite people into it's so important. You know, there's so much going on in the world, so your home should be that place where you can be you always. And I think if that's what we can help you with with this Black Friday bundle, I think then that is fantastic, because that's what we want. For you. We want everybody that listens to this podcast to go, you know what? I'm going to give this a go. I'm going to change my mindset. I'm tired of feeling like this in my own home, and I'm going to follow Ingrid and Lesley's process and systems, and I'm gonna make some changes, and it's not gonna be a quick fix. It's not gonna be fast, but I want to do this for me, because I'm important. I am worthy of being in a place that I feel secure and happy and safe in.

26:58
Yes, Ingrid. I

26:59
don't know where that came from, Lesley, but I really well, it's

27:03
very heartfelt, isn't it? And we really do we want it. So we started off by talking about shopping. And so that whole thing is designed, you know, in order for you not to go out and impulsively shop, you almost need to go through this process of loving, living with less, basically. And there's a process that takes that place. You can't just switch off a shopping compulsion overnight. You can't do, you know what I mean, if it's there, it's there, and you're going to, you know, it's a bit of FOMO, isn't it? You always want the best deals and stuff. So I hope that's been helpful. So that Black Friday offer is on sale, as we said, till the second of December. We would love to get to take part in that. So any questions at all? You know where we are. Support at declutter hope.com, and yes. Ingrid, yeah,

27:45
thanks for listening, and we look forward to seeing you again for our next podcast next week. So thanks so much See you soon.

27:59
Thanks so much for listening to the declutter hub podcast, don't forget to subscribe to us in your podcast player so you don't miss an episode and we'll see you next week.
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Episode 358 – Ingrid and Lesley go hypothetical

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