A photograph of a woman in shorts and t-shirt, guest, Abby Fermont, standing next to the entrance of the Tomb of Tut Ankh Amun
Episode 159 – Abby Fermont talks about keeping it in the family

Episode 380 – Home, Life & You – How NOT to declutter your home
Episode 379 -The Scary Truth of Why You Can't Let Go
In this episode we talk to Abby Fermont, a Declutter Hub member who has been steadily decluttering and organising her home over the past year. Slowly but surely, she has been involving other family members in her decluttering with some fantastic and inspirational results.
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Transcript of this podcast episode
[00:00:00] Lesley: It's always so inspirational to hear how other people have struggled with clutter and how they have overcome the challenge. Today, it's the turn of Abbey Fairmont, a Declutter Hub member, to tell her story.

[00:00:11] Abby has been a member with us at the declutter hub for quite some time. And some of the things that she's done in her decluttering journey have been quite impactful and very insightful. So that's why we invited her onto the podcast. So a huge warm welcome to you, Abby. Hi, Lesley. Thanks for having me. Oh, thank you for being here.

[00:00:29] We're so excited. We always love, love, love talking to our members because that's what it's all about. It's all about, it's not, I know, meaning we can share insights. Of course we can, but really the real gems come from you and what you've done and how you've learned and how you've overcome the struggles that you've had.

[00:00:43] So let's get started in terms of how did you find the declutter hub? What made you decide to jump on board and become a member? 

[00:00:51] Abby: Well, I think the first thing to say is that I didn't actually realize that I had a problem with clutter. I thought that I was just trying to keep my house clean and tidy, and it was just a struggle that I've been going forward with for a few years.

[00:01:06] And then I just happened to listen to one of your podcasts on a dog walk one day, and I suddenly thought, actually, hang on. It's not the cleaning, it's the stuff. I just have far too much stuff. I need to start, you know, getting rid of the stuff and that's going to sort everything else out. So that's how I started really.

[00:01:24] And then I kind of got hooked on the podcasts. 

[00:01:27] Lesley: Yeah, no, it's interesting actually, because there are, there are a lot of people as well, who, you know, certainly if Ingrid and I are going out to do consultations with one to one clients and when you walk into their homes, it all looks perfectly fine. I'm looking at your beautiful house.

[00:01:40] Now I'd be, I'd be behind you on zoom that nobody else can see apart from me. Um, but it is beautiful. In principle, you haven't got a problem now because you've been with us for a while, but a lot of stuff can hide behind doors and so on the face of things, things look perfectly normal and perfectly fine.

[00:01:54] And not a problem when those doors open, it kind of, that's where it all is and clutter still exists behind closed doors. And so, no, it is interesting and I think that quite often we do, because cleaning is something that we're all very familiar with. We don't jump to decluttering as being the first thing on our agenda, do we?

[00:02:14] Abby: No. And I think I was finding that, you know, however much I tried to tidy up, it never looked tidy and it was always untidy. And now I realize that's because I didn't really have a place for everything and things just got left out and it was hard to put things away. But so yeah, as I started listening to podcasts and then I, I think I did a challenge and then I joined the membership, I kind of realized that actually it wasn't the fact that I wasn't.

[00:02:40] able to clean as I could. It was just that I just had too much stuff. And if I sorted out the stuff that would just help me so much. And that's what I did. Yes, Abby, 

[00:02:51] Lesley: because once you start to find a place for everything that makes things so much easier. And so, but, but it's a big cycle that you have to go through to find that place.

[00:03:00] You know, it's not just, oh, well, that's the place that I want to put it. You actually have to declutter. You have to think things through. You have to think about an organisational process, about categorization. So even though it sounds quite simple, it's actually not. And you have to go back to basics, don't you?

[00:03:12] Before you can find those magical places for everything. So where did you get started, Abby? 

[00:03:19] Abby: So, um, I did a few little projects first, but the main room that I started in, um, was a room that we called the playroom. Um, but as you realize my daughters are 24 and 22, I kind of realized that it shouldn't really be a playroom anymore.

[00:03:35] So it's been rebranded now as The Snug. And, um, there was things in there like there was a piano that nobody played. There was sort of two big bookshelves with games on that. were really young games. And so basically, we just kind of thought, Well, what do we want to use this room for? And we decided to rebrand it, as I said, into a snug.

[00:03:59] So we got rid of the piano, which was a really big thing to get rid of, got rid of loads of the games and put in like a little sofa. And it made it more of a sort of adult room for the girls now they're more grown up. 

[00:04:12] Lesley: It's hard though, isn't it? To make that, I love the, I love the fact that you're calling it a rebrand.

[00:04:16] rebrand those rooms. That's so cool. Really thought about a rebranding, but I think I'm going to use that as my own terminology. But yeah, but it's a big decision, you know what I mean? As parents, you know, yeah, of course, 22, 24 year children, the similar age, well, they're not children, they're adults, but they're the same age as my kids as well.

[00:04:34] And it's hard to move on. You know, you don't want to make that. Step sometimes, and it takes a while, even though you could potentially have made that snug when they were 16 years old, you're not ready. And you, you probably are ready now at 22 and 24 or whenever it was that you rebranded your room. No, it's interesting to make that mental leap.

[00:04:51] We have to make that psychological leap as well when it comes to our children, don't we? And I 

[00:04:56] Abby: think I just hadn't, it just had not occurred to me until I started looking at my house in a different way. It just had not occurred to me that I was stuck in the past in that room. And it wasn't until I thought, well, hang on, who's, who's ever played that piano?

[00:05:10] You know, no one has played that for about five years. And then, you know, what's going on in that room? What do I actually want to do in that room? And it just, it was like a complete new way of looking at things that I hadn't really looked at before, which really helped me. And that room now, um, both girls use it, they really love it and it's just looks 100 percent better.

[00:05:30] It's an 

[00:05:30] Lesley: interesting one really because I think decluttering has to become higher on your agenda for you to actually devote the time and the energy to looking and identifying where the problems are. And for a lot of people, it's just, it's just stuff that's around us. We stop seeing it. We've come a little bit closer blind as well.

[00:05:46] And that, you know, that fresh pair of eyes that we talk about all the time, whether it's somebody else coming into your home or you. Making yourself accountable for that and wanting it yourself, it does take a big leap, you know, and it takes a leap of faith as well for a lot of people because a lot of people are very safe in their own environment and don't want to change it.

[00:06:04] Abby: And I think it's that lesson of being realistic about yourself and, you know, what are you going to use? It's, you know, like I said about the piano, I used to play the piano 20 years ago. I don't play the piano anymore and I can't really see myself playing it again in the future. And it was the same with my knitting.

[00:06:23] I had a big thing of knitting and I'd knit last knitted when the kids were like five. And I think then it would take, by the time I'd knitted a jumper, they'd grown out of it. You know, I was never very good at knitting, but I still had all the stuff. And I just thought, well, just be realistic about this.

[00:06:39] You know, you, you're not, you haven't knitted for 15 years. If you want a jumper, you're just going to buy it. Let's just, let's just make space for something that I do enjoy. And I do do. And, and it was really nice. Actually, I managed to send that off to a charity for. I think they're people that send knitting into prisons or something, but they, I just sent them all the needles and the wool and everything.

[00:07:01] And, um, yeah, I've made space for something that I do want to put in there. So. Yeah. 

[00:07:06] Lesley: And feel so good about it, having sent it off to something that you feel quite passionate about, which is brilliant. Yeah. But the things that you've spoken about, Abby, they're quite difficult things, you know, so you've got aspirational and sentimental emotions kicking in there with your piano, which is hugely sentimental.

[00:07:21] Kind of a little bit of aspirational emotion in there because you still probably deep down think, Oh, you know, when I retire, I'm going to go back to learning the piano or whatever that might, might be. And the knitting's exactly the same. So those are two very difficult decluttering emotions. What does life look like for you?

[00:07:39] So you've talked about your two daughters. So what's, what's, what's, what's home look like for you? What's your family look like? 

[00:07:45] Abby: So I have my husband, my two daughters, um, my eldest daughter, Ellen, who's 24, she has autism and learning difficulties, which I think is part of the reason why the playroom was still a playroom.

[00:07:58] I have three dogs, Cocker Spaniels, and I have a cat. So I've got a quite a busy house. 

[00:08:06] Lesley: And whereabouts do you live, Abby? 

[00:08:08] Abby: I live in Tring in Hertfordshire. So 

[00:08:11] Lesley: that's, for anybody who's not in the UK, that's down, uh, not far from London, probably about 20 miles from London as well. I used to live near Tring in Dunstable.

[00:08:18] Did you know that? Oh, did you? Yeah. Oh, 

[00:08:20] Abby: that's really close. Yeah, it is. 

[00:08:23] Lesley: I know exactly where Tring is, Abby. So, your daughter's got learning difficulties and autism. So has that had any impact on the way that you view decluttering or the way that you've organised your home? 

[00:08:34] Abby: Yeah, well, I think that's my big challenge now because she, because she has autism, she gets very attached to things and some of the things she's had for years and years and years, like she'll have very, very young reading books and, you know, lots of stuff, toys, lots of games, but I think also it's not as easy as it used to be.

[00:08:54] Yeah. saying to her, you know, Oh, do you think you don't play with this anymore? I think, you know, this can go because half the time she won't want to do it. So it's been a real process with her, especially. So when I was in the, what was the play room with blinded the snug looking at games, I'd say, right, we've got all these games.

[00:09:13] So instead of saying to her, which ones do you want to keep? I would. I would sort of say, oh, I don't think you play with that one anymore. I think we can give that one to the charity shop. I think you do play with this one. And that would be more of a way that she would be, oh yeah, no, I do like that one.

[00:09:28] And I don't play with that one. And it was a rather than, you know, trying to involve her as much as possible, but wording it in such a way that she couldn't keep everything because if she had an ideal world, she would just never get rid of anything. And then her room would be full of stuffed toys. So 

[00:09:44] Lesley: you've already mentioned to me, Abby, before we started recording the podcast, that the next step on your decluttering journey is to tackle your daughter's bedroom, which, you know, and it's interesting because we, we have within the declutter, we have a pathway of what rooms you should do in which order from an emotional perspective.

[00:10:02] But there are always exceptions and this is whilst the bedroom will be fairly early in the decluttering journey for many people. This is towards the end of the process because it is different because you know that it's going to be more difficult to do that because of the things that you have mentioned.

[00:10:16] And so do you think that she and indeed the rest of your family have been watching and learning throughout your decluttering journey? Have they been on board? Have they been enjoying the sort of simpler lifestyle at home? Yeah, I 

[00:10:31] Abby: mean, I would say it's taken them a while. So first of all, they just looked at me with sort of raised eyebrows and like, Oh, she's getting rid of stuff.

[00:10:39] And, and it is quite hard actually, when you start getting rid of stuff, because obviously I'm in a family, it's not all my, just my stuff. So I had to learn quite early on that I can't actually. You know, declutter other people's things, they have to do that themselves. And I would say that my younger daughter Daisy, who's 22, she's the one who's been the quickest to get on board and she's already done her room and she's really, you know, excited about the whole thing.

[00:11:06] My husband suddenly started decluttering the garage recently, which I was just amazed. So he's, he's come on board. But Ellen is probably the last one because for her it's just so difficult and I've had to, I feel like I'm now at the point where I am strong enough to be able to do that with her and I don't want to just do her bedroom, I want her to be involved in the bedroom.

[00:11:31] I think what I've learned from the declutter hub has meant I can look at her space, I can think, well, she's not a 10 year old child anymore, which is what her bedroom is like. She's a 24 year old woman, and what, how is the space that she's got, how could that best be used? You know, storage wise from everything that I've seen and read and that, so I've got already got some ideas and then I can bring Ellen in and say, well, we could do this or we could do that.

[00:11:58] So she can. still be involved in the choices, but I think I've just got better options. So for example, she's got a chest of drawers in her bedroom, which she's never really managed to, they're always messy because she finds it quite hard to push the drawers in and out. So we're going to put some shelving up and, um, and just have some storage boxes that she can just pull out and rummage through instead of like big drawers.

[00:12:22] And I would never would have had that idea. if I hadn't seen what other people have been doing and been through the roadmap. So it's given me more ideas of how to help her with her needs. So that's, you know, it's been invaluable really. I haven't done it yet. It's scheduled for, for about three weeks time, but Fingers crossed.

[00:12:43] Yeah, 

[00:12:43] Lesley: but it's good to have left it at this stage and done all that learning and got those core principles nailed so you can then tackle it with her and you can almost understand what it is that you're trying to suggest and what the benefits would be of that. I think you're absolutely right, Abi, you talk about allowing her then to rummage.

[00:13:01] And I think, you know, and you probably, I'm a rummager as you know, you've learned that on the Q and A's and so I'm not a meticulous folding type person. Although interestingly, I have started doing some more meticulous folding now, but that's when I've not got as much to worry about. I've not got to do five people stuff.

[00:13:18] I've only really got to do my stuff now. And so I've got to that stage where I'm like, perhaps I'm ready for that now. Um, and I can do that even though I've been a kind of, I need to do what's quick and easy and as long as everything is together and I can find what I need when I want to. When I need it, it doesn't have to be perfect.

[00:13:33] And so I think I've, I've, I've, I've, so I'm moving into the next phase of my life and my organisation in terms of actually, I do want some draw dividers in there. And I do want, you know, I do want it to be a little bit different. That's kind of what's making me take a little bit more now, but that's because we evolve when we change.

[00:13:49] But I think just to realize, you know, cause a lot of us would think. We need to make it perfect. And we see so much stuff. Don't we out there on social media about how people are doing things. And well, I need to do that folding as well, but you've got to get the basics right, and you can't micro organise a system that's going to be very difficult for someone to maintain.

[00:14:07] So you want your daughter to be able to maintain this system. You don't want it to be too complicated. You don't want to be in there doing the doing for her. So I think it's fantastic. So. And interesting that your husband has come on board as well, because we say that all the time, don't we? Like somehow people start to see things and like, Ooh, I'd quite like a little bit of that as well.

[00:14:25] And then they kind of scurry off and do their own thing, which is always fantastic. Particularly when they've been a little bit skeptical in the beginning. 

[00:14:33] Abby: I know, although he did, he did make me laugh because obviously he's, he just, he does sort of roll his eyes at me a lot. But then when he was said, Oh, I'm going to sort the garage out, the garage is horrific, by the way.

[00:14:45] And, um, but what he did was, Lesley, you'll be horrified by this. He bought his. Suddenly all these storage boxes were turning up. So he bought all the storage boxes. And I was like, what was that? And he said, well, I'm sorting the garage out. So I need the storage boxes. And I did say to him, well, Ingrid and Lesley said, you're not allowed to get your storage boxes.

[00:15:05] But it was too late because he'd already got them. And then I think I did listen to one of your podcasts. And you said, actually, the garage is the one place where you can buy your storage boxes. So he was like, well, one nil to me. Yeah, 

[00:15:17] Lesley: exactly. England and Lesley are not here, are they Abby? So I can do what I like in my house.

[00:15:24] Yeah. No, this just, just in case anybody's like, what are you talking about? Yeah. Storage very much comes towards the end of the decluttering process. But if you see obvious gaps and garages and lofts and things like that, tend to be the kind of places where you can see that you've not got enough and you know that you're going to need them.

[00:15:39] So you can go out there in advance and buy them. So your husband did a fantastic job buying his storage, as long as it's the right. size and dimension of storage. I hope I got that bit right. But anyway, that's another, another story. So that's fantastic. So are you happy with where you've got to in your decluttering journey, or do you feel that it's still evolving?

[00:15:57] Abby: Oh, it's still evolving because I think I've been through, apart from Ellen's bedroom, I've been through the whole house once, but I didn't realize. at first, that you, it doesn't end. You keep refining. So even the other day I was, I was thinking, well, why have I still got that on the wall? And I, I don't want that on the wall.

[00:16:17] You know, so I took, you know, I'm still, I'm still making changes and I still have some quite big things to tackle, like my photographs. And I still have some sentimental items to tackle. And, um, But I am pleased with where I am. I started the first time I just kind of went through the house in my own order.

[00:16:38] But now I'm going through the roadmap as well, which is really good. And so that I am on actually on bedrooms at the moment. That's quite useful. And it is 

[00:16:48] Lesley: much more straightforward. Isn't it? The second time you go through it, you've got those organisational systems in place already. So it's just, it really is fine tuning on the decluttering side of things, isn't it?

[00:16:57] And delving a little bit deeper on your emotions. 

[00:17:00] Abby: Yeah. My volumes of things that I'm getting rid of has gone down a lot. Yeah. First, I was just getting rid of so much stuff. It was unbelievable, but now the volumes have gone right down. Yeah, that's a 

[00:17:12] Lesley: good thing. That's a good thing. Yeah. Because that means that you're not shopping quite as much.

[00:17:16] So that's a good thing. So talking about shopping at bay, do you think that being in the decolletage has changed the way you shop? 

[00:17:24] Abby: Yes, absolutely. I really think about things now. I mean, I, I wouldn't buy anything at all if I thought I could use something I already had. For example, we wanted to put some things at the front of our drive to stop vans driving over the verge.

[00:17:40] And we were going to go to the garden centre and buy some big stones. And I said, and I said to Richard, hang on, we must have something around the house. And we had some big logs that we chopped up like five years ago. So we've just moved those logs to the front and we didn't end up buying anything new.

[00:17:53] And it's things like that, really. The main thing for me has been clothing. If I can tell you about my clothing, yes, please tell me. So, um, I was doing the, I think I was doing the wardrobe challenge with you. And one of you said that you should only have things in the wardrobe that you truly love and you feel good in.

[00:18:15] And I realized where I'd been going all wrong all these years because I didn't actually feel good in anything. Or like anything that I had when I thought about it. So I actually made the investment to have my colors and my shape done with someone you had on the podcast before, um, one of the stylists.

[00:18:34] And she basically told me that I was wearing completely the wrong colors and completely the wrong shapes of clothes. So since then, it enabled me to basically clear out, I would say 80 percent of my wardrobe. I didn't clear out the whole. wardrobe because I obviously still need clothes to wear. I have bought a couple of, I have bought about a half a dozen new things, which I absolutely love.

[00:19:01] And I think it's going to revolutionize my shopping because whereas before I would just think, Oh God, I need to get some trousers and then I'd just be overwhelmed by choice. Now I'm really. Narrow in what I actually choose, I'm not going to buy something I don't think and then not wear it because I know exactly what suits me, which I never knew before.

[00:19:22] So I think that's why I just had a wardrobe full of stuff that I would buy and then never wear because I didn't actually like it. I was completely clueless. Yeah. 

[00:19:30] Lesley: And I think, you know, that takes intentional shopping really to a whole new level, doesn't it? So you, you are absolutely buying. So that's one of our previous podcasts that we did with Laura.

[00:19:40] And we'll put the episode in the show notes for you. So you can see what it is that Abby's talking about and maybe get your colors and shape done. Now, I think it's, I mean, I've used the stylist a few times as well, and it's really useful to just focus you on where you're going wrong, because sometimes you don't know what you don't know, do you?

[00:19:56] And they say, well, that doesn't look, you know, you feel as if it's not quite right, but you're not quite sure why. And they can pinpoint and say, that's not working because it's the same with decluttering. And we can. Point them in the right direction and say, that's not working, Abby. And it's not actually about cleaning.

[00:20:11] It's about tidying because you've not got a place for anything or whatever that might be. So it is interesting, isn't it? It sounds like you've had a complete epiphany then with clothing. If anybody wants to listen to that episode, we will put that episode in the show notes for you as well.

[00:20:26] So welcome back, Abby, we were talking about your decluttering journey, which has been really, really interesting on so many levels, but there's one thing that Ingrid and I saw that you were doing.

[00:20:34] You posted in the forum one day about a project that you were doing. And we were like, that is. Brilliant. We absolutely love it. And we'd love to talk to you about that. So you were tackling your sentimental items and you had made a decision to get your parents on board. So do you want to talk a little bit about that?

[00:20:51] Abby: Well, when I was a child, we lived in Thailand for a few years and my mum. got really into, um, Asian art and artifacts and that started her collection. So in her house, she's got some beautiful, beautiful artifacts and then she ran a shop. So she got more artifacts and basically in my mom and dad's house, they have got a lot of, they've got a big house and it's full of, of.

[00:21:17] items, but they're all beautiful items. They're all, you know, art and, you know, just loads and loads of things. So my mum and dad are obviously in their seventies now, and I think my mum is finding it all a bit overwhelming. So. Because I'd listened and I, I, before I was in the declutter hub, I would go around and I said, mom, you just need to get rid of some stuff.

[00:21:39] You just need to sell it. You need to get rid of it. It's too much. And then because of what I've learned, I realized that I can't, it's all to her. It's all precious and it's all sentimental. And what I needed to do was just to try and understand more about what it meant to her. So my sister, Sophie and I now go around every week and we.

[00:22:01] We spend about an hour each week photographing items in her house, talking about it, so my mum will say where she got it, what it is, because half the time I don't even know what it is, how many she's got, if she thinks it's got a value, if that is what it is, and that's kind of where we leave it, and we've just been sort of recording things, and I've been saying to my mum, what are your most What things do you really love in the hope that something she will actually feel like she can part with?

[00:22:32] And I had a bit of a eureka moment where we picked something up off and it was actually had a chip in it. And mum said, Oh, I think. That's broken. I think we can get rid of that. And I was like, oh, yay, rah. So we got rid of one item and, and then she had a sale last week, um, for charity. And we sold some of her items there that she thought she could get rid of because she has got multiple sessions of certain things.

[00:22:59] She's got a lot of, and recently we've just set up a little Etsy shop as well, because her things are very niche. They're not. Um, the sort of thing that a lot of people would want to buy. So I've set up a little Etsy shop for it. So when there are things that she says, well, I think I could get rid of this.

[00:23:17] Then I put it on the Etsy shop if I think it's that worth. But actually my sister and I just both love going around and recording with my mom all about her things. And what they are. And I think it makes her feel good to know that we know what they are. And I think she just doesn't want us to get rid of everything.

[00:23:36] So, you know. And I 

[00:23:39] Lesley: think, you know, if that, well, it will at some point that time will come and your mum's no longer with us. Um, hopefully that's a long time away. I don't want to say that's nothing to say, but anyway, but that's going to happen. That's life. It will be so nice for you to be able to understand the stories behind those items.

[00:23:55] And so you'll be able to know what was truly valuable to her because the recordings that you've done and the way that you've noted it down, and to be able to make better decisions for yourself and your sister then in terms of what stays. And so that is what, that's where the gold dust is, is being able to spend that time now with your mom, listening to her stories and listening to the background to items that you can understand them.

[00:24:20] You know, it's something that we say, you know, don't let these sentimental items sort of languish in a drawer and where you don't know the meaning of them, you know, knowing the meaning of them is half the battle. And even if that just meant that there was a 10 minutes where you discussed something and were able to go back into those memories, that's what memories are all about really, isn't it?

[00:24:39] It's actually relaying what you were doing at the time that you got it or what the background to it. So I think it's absolutely fantastic. And I would urge many people who have got. You know, elderly parents with lots and lots of things like this. Tell us the stories about those that we can pass that down through the generations.

[00:24:56] No, you'll be able to pass that onto your girls as well. And they'll know about their grandparents things. It's just a lovely, lovely thing to do. And to, to schedule it in your diary for you and your sister to be involved in doing it, for your mom to make a little bit of money through her Etsy shop. And she will feel her stuff is valued as well, because it's going to somebody who truly wants to buy it.

[00:25:13] It's just fantastic. I absolutely loved that story. It's quite 

[00:25:17] Abby: a big project. It is. I don't know how long we've been doing it, sort of four or five months. We've only been through three rooms. I think we've got about 300 items recorded so far. It's going to be, ask me next year, I think we might have 

[00:25:31] Lesley: finished.

[00:25:33] No, but it's nice, you know. And you'll always be able to look back on that, Abby, and think about how, what a special time that was, you know, to me. It's lovely. I 

[00:25:39] Abby: really enjoy it. And she just has the most amazing stories about, you know, things. So something that will look completely valueless, and then she'll tell you the story of where she got it and why it means so much to her.

[00:25:49] And you'll just, that object is completely transformed because you'll realize why it holds such esteem. 

[00:25:58] Lesley: And I'm sure these things are beautiful as well, aren't they? Asian art and things like that would be fantastic. And I know that you told us about something very sentimental in your house that you hold very dear.

[00:26:09] So not your parents stuff, but your stuff. Do you want to tell us about that, Abi? 

[00:26:13] Abby: Yeah. So this is something I'm not getting rid of. Um, so because my daughter, as I said, mentioned Ellen, she has learning difficulties. She went to a special school. And when the Olympics were on in 2012, there was obviously a Paralympics as well.

[00:26:28] And there was a Paralympics torch relay, just like there was a relay for the other Olympic ceremony, and I got to carry an Olympic, a Paralympic torch. And it's a silver torch instead of a gold torch. And but it's got the 2012 logo on it. And I've got that in a, it's obviously, you know, you, it's a, we all got to have our own torch.

[00:26:50] And I did a little bit of the run through London with some people because I was on the fundraising group at the, at the school and where Ellen was, and we've managed to raise a lot of money for some equipment. So that's how we got to do the run. So it was a really special day. We had to get up at like three in the morning or something, and then They're running with the torch.

[00:27:09] And yes, I've got the torch on the wall downstairs and a photo of me. 

[00:27:15] Lesley: Amazing. Just to be, again, something so historic, something very special to you because of the work that you did at your daughter's school and raising money. The Paralympics was amazing. It was in London. home city, but very close, you know, so how fantastic is that?

[00:27:29] And yeah, that's something to be truly treasured. And it's an honor to do that. Did they do, I'm trying to think whether they do, did they do, they must do torch relays in every country. Do they, when the Olympics is on, 

[00:27:39] Abby: do they? I didn't really see it this year, but maybe, 

[00:27:42] Lesley: maybe it's because of COVID. Covid that they didn't do it.

[00:27:46] But yeah. So no, you have to be, it's definitely an an elite thing to do, isn't it? To carry the torch. So that's, so where have you got that in your house? Have you got it inside the case or It's on the wall. 

[00:27:56] Abby: Yeah, it's on the wall. In a special case. Is that 

[00:27:59] Lesley: in the hall? Yeah. Pride of place. And that's exactly where it's yeah, as well.

[00:28:04] You've talked about spending time with your sister, so you're obviously a very close family and doing this, this project with your mom. And have you got anything else? How do you motivate yourself? So you've been with us for a while, Abby, how long have you been a member with us? Nearly a year. Nearly a year now.

[00:28:18] And how do you keep, because one of the big questions that people ask is, how do you keep that decluttering momentum going? How do you keep yourself motivated to carry on? You've talked about the fact that you're on your second phase now that you feel like it's never ever going to end. I'm sure it's never bulb that goes on for a lot of people that are like, yeah, you never really finished.

[00:28:37] You just have to keep carrying on. As things come into your house, things have to go out. How do you keep yourself motivated? 

[00:28:43] Abby: Well, I'll talk about the membership in a bit, but personally, my sister, my sister, Sophie and I, my sister lives in Ching as well, which is really good. And we have a little, uh, WhatsApp group together.

[00:28:56] It's only us two in it where we post sort of like decluttering things. to each other. And we also have a date every month where we go to the charity shop. So we fill up our donation stations during the month. And then once a month we, uh, go together to the charity shop to drop off our donations. And then we go and have coffee and cake.

[00:29:17] So it's a monthly appointment with my sister that I know that, so I have to get my stuff ready. And then recently I've started getting into TikToks as well. So my. My daughter Daisy, she likes TikTok. That sort of got me into it, and you can do these little 32nd videos. So I find those quite motivating. And I've just started doing a few tos of my, when I sort out a cupboard or a draw, I think, oh, I have to make a little video of this.

[00:29:43] And it's quite, it's quite fun to do. I find it quite motivating. 

[00:29:47] Lesley: I know you've shared some of them. Tell us, what's your t i I don't really do TikTok. So what's your TikTok handle? 

[00:29:54] Abby: Username, it's called, um, organised with Abby. 

[00:29:58] Lesley: Organised with Abby. Is that with, that's with an S. So that's the English spelling, organised with an S, with Abby.

[00:30:03] Go and follow Abby on TikTok. 

[00:30:05] Abby: Yeah, please, because I've only got 11 

[00:30:09] Lesley: followers. Can I get a few more, a few more from this? If anybody's on TikTok, go and follow Abby. She needs more than 11, because they're so fantastic. So, um, that's brilliant. It should be us that are doing the TikToks, but Abby's doing them for us.

[00:30:23] Let me go back to this fantastic idea also, which is classic accountability, which I absolutely love. Which is this idea that you go, you meet your sister once a month and you go to a coffee shop and you drop your stuff off from your donation station to the charity shop in advance. That is genius, absolute genius to get things done, isn't it?

[00:30:42] So how did that come about? 

[00:30:44] Abby: I think my sister and I, on our little sad WhatsApp group, um, that we've got together. It's not 

[00:30:48] Lesley: sad, it's nice! All I've got is this lovely... Honestly, Abi, you know, you've got, you're spending a special time with your daughter. Yeah. And in time with your parents, you have a... You know, you see your sister every month and do your donation station run and coffee and cake.

[00:31:03] That sounds, that doesn't sound sad to me from a family perspective. 

[00:31:07] Abby: I think we just decided that we wanted to go to the charity shop and we just said, Oh, why don't we go together? And then when we went, we had such fun. It was just really, we went in and I don't know when you drop your stuff at a charity shop, you come out and you just feel so happy.

[00:31:22] You're like, yay. I know. Okay. Don't you feel so good. And it was just so nice to have someone to share it with. And then, yeah, we just decided to have a coffee. And then we said, should we do this every month? Cause it's nice. Like you said, it's accountability. It makes me know that I'm going in a month so I can, I don't have to worry about taking stuff straight or putting it in my car, I know that once a month I'm going to meet my sister.

[00:31:45] And also life's so busy. You don't, even though my sister lives in Tring and I might see her for five minutes, actually making that time to have a coffee with her every month is really nice. So it's just, it's just a win win really. Abby, 

[00:32:02] Lesley: I think I want your life. Is that okay? I want your life. We need to find a name for that.

[00:32:08] We need to find a name for a donation station, stroke, coffee, stroke, sister meetup. There's a combined name for it, so I'll put you in charge. 

[00:32:16] Abby: I'll think of it. I'll do a TikTok on 

[00:32:18] Lesley: it. TikTok, definitely. My 

[00:32:22] Abby: next TikTok. 

[00:32:25] Lesley: So talk about, so you're a member, what are the benefits to you of being a DECLTUB member?

[00:32:30] Tell us all about it. 

[00:32:32] Abby: Um, so yeah, I didn't join the membership straight away. Like I said, I listened to podcasts. I think I did a challenge. I think I did a reset your home challenge. And then I just decided that I was missing out on a lot of stuff in the membership. So I decided to join, um, and I really, really enjoy it.

[00:32:48] I particularly like the forum. Again, I like seeing what everybody's doing, and I like the fact that everyone is supportive and has really good ideas. So when I was trying to do my Undersync recently, don't know if you remember? Yeah, yeah. I posted a picture of my hideous Undersync, and people had all these different ideas of how I could organise it, and it was really good.

[00:33:13] So I really love the forum and I really also like the weekly challenge that you put in because I find that quite motivating as well. I think all, you know, I'm sort of got in a bit of a rut, then I will always try and do the weekly challenge and that's even if like this week it's free. your freezer, isn't it?

[00:33:30] That was quite shocking for me. It had so many breadcrumbs at the bottom, it was a bit horrific. It's like, shame indeed. The freezer looks completely like, beautiful before and after. 

[00:33:46] Lesley: Is there, is there no end to what you can declutter? I know Ingrid does all of our sort of maintenance, doesn't she? Cleaning.

[00:33:52] Abby: Yeah. Yes. I really like that a girl 

[00:33:55] Lesley: loves a maintenance video, doesn't she? She gets so excited by maintaining things this week. It's the freezer's turn. 

[00:34:02] Abby: Yeah. Um, yeah, and I really love the q and a as well, and I have submitted a few questions in the past, but I really like the fact that if you can't always make it, you can just catch up on it later.

[00:34:12] Yeah. And it's just, it's just really nice hearing what everyone else is doing and I just find it motivating. I think everyone inspires each other. You know, you can feel very lonely, can't you? So it's nice to feel you're part of the community and all working together. Yeah, 

[00:34:27] Lesley: I know. I think you're right. I think we do have a lovely community.

[00:34:29] It's a small community. It's a very supportive community, isn't it? And we've all got the same thing in common. And I think for a lot of people, it's a very safe space. So perhaps because it's a little bit smaller, a little bit more private, it feels a little bit more private than the, than the big Facebook group.

[00:34:43] So, well, we love having you as a member and we've loved having you on this podcast, sharing your journey with us, Abby. Thank you so much. As I said, I kind of want your life. I'm going to move, I'm going to move to Tringham, I'm going to gatecrash those. You can come to the coffee and cakes. So thank you so much for being with us, Abby, and sharing your story.

[00:35:04] We've absolutely loved it. And we will see you in the membership. 

[00:35:09] Abby: Thanks Ley. 

[00:35:11] Lesley: So what's coming up on the podcast next week? Ingrid has an amazing podcast that she recorded with the lovely Stelios Kiosses is gonna be talking all about his new book, so it's one that you are not going to want to miss.
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