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Episode 311 – How to declutter when everything in your home feels sentimental

If the part of your decluttering journey that you get stuck in is always sentimental items and you think everything in your home feels sentimental it can be hard to make the progress that you want. So if every room in your home takes you on a trip down memory lane, this podcast is for you.
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Transcript of this podcast episode
00:00
If the part of your decluttering journey that you get stuck in is always when it comes down to sentimental items, and you feel everything in your home is sentimental, it can be hard to make the progress that you want. So if every room takes you on a trip down memory lane, today's podcast is for you.

00:29
You're listening to the declutter hub podcast, bringing you tried and tested no nonsense tips and advice from the leading experts in decluttering and organizing your home. Now here are your hosts Ingrid Jansen and Lesley Spellman.

00:52
Hello and welcome listeners. I'm Ingrid and I'm Lesley. If you're new to the declutter hub podcast, you're so welcome. What you'll find is that we try and find a fun factor in the serious business of decluttering. And if you've been here for a while, you know exactly what we mean. So thank you so much for listening.

01:11
If you'd like to get involved in conversations relating to this podcast, it all takes place in our Facebook group. So come and join our lovely, warm, supportive community. To find the Facebook group, go to declutter hub.com, forward slash group to find out more, or you can search for the declutter hub community on Facebook. Lesley,

01:31
we're talking about sentimental items today, and I have a feel that people all over the world were listening to this. Are going to go, don't touch my stuff. And they're like, grabbing all this stuff around, and it's like, you can't declutter this from my house. This is important. This is important, and that's from my family, and that's a memory. And, oh, sentimental items is hard. I think the problem is sometimes,

01:52
thing with sentimental items is that it marks like a moment in time, so we go somewhere special, to a concert, or a child paints a picture, or it's end of the school year with a child's book, or we get a t shirt, whatever, whatever it is that makes that item sentimental, and we decide there and then that that is going to be sentimental. We put it into our designated sentimental items place, if we have such a thing, and we leave it there then for years, and we don't come back to it for ages, and then, because it's found its way into the sentimental items area, we don't feel that that's up for debate in terms of standard decluttering. It's almost like this holy grail of kind of area that's never to be touched, never to be seen, and that it doesn't fulfill the same requirements as other things in our decluttering journey. But the truth is, most sentimental items don't actually serve any practical purpose, and so they really have to do their bit when it comes to sentimentality and invoking that one fuzzy feeling that we talk about inside. So I think it's so so important. First of all, something has got to add value to your life. And obviously, if it's sentimental, it's going to be a different type of value that it brings, right? So I think what we wanted to do with this podcast, we want to talk about some of the things that are sort of straightforward decisions to make. Once we go down that route of actually allowing ourselves to tackle sentimental items, just some things that may be the light bulb might go on. And then after the break, we're going to talk more about practical things that you can do to make sure that you enjoy your sentimental items, which is what this is all about. So first of all, we wanted to talk about memories, and a big one is, whose memories are they?

03:38
Yes, we see it all the time, don't we? Lesley, an item is like, Oh, it's so special. I'm keeping it for my son. Like their first drawing, the first drawing they they made, or, Oh, these are his first pairs of shoes that he's worn. And you're saving it for your children. And the children are going, well, I don't want all that stuff that's not mine. I can't remember a thing. Why would I want to keep a drawing of my hand when I was three years old? So I think it's really important to realize in that moment, actually, wow, I've been saving all of this stuff for them, but actually it's not their memories, it's my memories. They're special to me, and actually I'm the one who needs to make the decision. And if you feel like they're just gonna throw everything away. You feel like you might go a bit into a rescue mode, and you're like, No No. Give it all to me. Give it all to me. But there is so much of you know, there's a you can have a finite amount of good stuff. You don't have to keep everything right?

04:36
So let's talk about that handprint like, let's take it back to basics and go right, okay, if you've got children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, you know the hand print or the footprint picture is like a rite of passage, almost, isn't it? You're going to, at some point, you're going to have a hand print picture. So do you think that? You know my kids are now 28 2521 Is a handprint picture really special.

05:04
I think for them, it's not, but for us, it is.

05:07
Do you think that it is, but do you think that it is, yeah,

05:10
one, but not like 25 and I think that's the problem, isn't it? We're like, if you because we've kept things over the years and the mountains just grow in the cupboard, so the little boxes stacked away. But when you pull it all out, I think one is special, not everything. But you

05:30
see for me, I look at that and I go, right, okay, if I then find a hampering of my kids in a box, yeah, just laying there for 27 years, yeah, 24 years or 20 what 20 years is it really giving me what I want? If that had been on the wall, if I had had, here's the three of their handprints together at a snapshot in time that I'd been looking at and enjoying for the last 20 odd years, I think that would continue to give me joy, but the fact that it gets put into a box, when I pull that out of the box, I've got more important more, you know, real memories, yeah, pertinent memories, than a handprint that they did, probably when I wasn't there at nursery or something, or at school or Whatever, and it's just been in a box, crumpled up with loads of just

06:23
keep going all hardcore on me. Lesley, what's going I'll let you. I'm gonna check one handprint. I mean, there are people who, like, keep all the scribbles. And I'm like, What's this? We don't even know. You know for so for me gone, that's gone. Why would I keep all scribbly things? This was their first scribble. This was their first scribble in in their year blah, blah, blah. This was their first criminal nursery. It's just a couple scratches on a piece of paper that is does for me. So there you see, maybe we all have our different sentimental values and things that we find important. So maybe for me, that I don't, I don't like you to get rid of my hand.

07:05
No, no. I think the point I'm trying to make is not that you have to get rid of it. The point is absolutely, absolutely not, you know, if people want to keep every scribble that they've had every you know, and by the way, it does develop on from a scribble Ingrid. The scribble is the first one, which is quite cute when they first pick up a pen and do something. But I think the point is, we are sort of indoctrinated into thinking that we have to keep the first handprint because it's such an important thing. And we we never challenge ourselves on that. We never go, Do I really look at that and think that that's special, yeah. And I think, like, you know, one of my best friends in her toilet, in a downstairs toilet, she's got a kind of, it's not actually just, she's obviously done it in, like, plaster cast, yeah, three feet. And she's got them side by side when they were first born. And every time I go into her downstairs loo and around her house, it makes me smile now that, to me, is what a memory should be, because that's like, Oh, that's so cute, and that's the three girls, and you look at it, right? But if it's been in a box and it's not been important for all of that time, why would it then become important at 20 when they're 27 Yeah, you see what I mean. So I think that we have to do something with these special things, you know, in a ham print or a footprint or whatever, is definitely an example of that. But I think that we have to take a step out and go. But why is it just because we feel like we ought to? Or can we actually start to break this down a little bit?

08:33
So first of all, you're saying determine whose memory it is, whether it's your child, your moms, your family, your aunt, your best friend, or whoever it is. But then actually, really ask yourself, once you determine, oh, it's actually my memory. It's not anybody else's. Or your kids have said, you know, don't even give me all this stuff. I don't want it. And it kind of keeps ending up with you, and you're like, actually, hmm, it is my memory. But then you kind of have to go, okay, but in the I have so much of it, and that's what we see, right? Lesley, we're coming to home, so we hear it from a membership that is here. But everything is sentiment. So I can't declutter, because when I think about my house, I think about all these sentimental items, because our minds take us to the most difficult thing that we have to do. So we think about the crystal from our parents and the furniture and and and the handprints and the scribbles and the books that we read when we were young. And because, of course, when you have three or four generations, things get muddled, right? Because either through a bereavement or downsizing, things coming to our homes, our kids leave, but they, most of them, can't go to bigger house, big house at first, so they can't take the stuff immediately, so it kind of lingers on in your own house. And of course, the longer stuff stays, the more. It's easy to think it's all sentimental. It's all sentimental. I can't get rid of anything. And so we're here to kind of challenge people to break open that, that thought process and that, and have a conversation and go. But is it really all sentimental? Yeah, exactly. And

10:16
so I think, you know, because I think there are certain things that we just look at and think we can't possibly do that because we're doing a decision. Doing a disservice to the person where that's our children. I mean, the only, the only, as I look at those handprints, and am I going to get rid of my kids hamper pictures? Probably not right. Are they on the wall at the moment? No, do it? Are they as special as other things that I've got? Not at all. But am I going to get rid of it? It's going to feel like a bit of a wrench to get rid of them, that's what you know. And if you've got multiple then it's not quite so difficult. But I think it's about that challenge, and it's about letting go of the guilt, particularly if you are overwhelmed with this stuff at the end of the day, if you've got one sentimental box with, like, you know, like 100 things in it from your entire life, fine, it's not causing you any problems. But if you're inundated with a loft or a garage full of boxes and boxes of boxes of things, that's when it becomes it's not enhancing your life anymore. You know, I mean, as you really got to take it down to the nitty gritty and go, This has got to be really special for me to keep it in my life. And I think you know, you know you you talked about there at Ingrid as well. We know. We talk about whose memory is it, and this is, honestly, when we ever do sentimental teachings and challenges and all that. This is a huge light bulb. People are like, literally, I'm keeping things that I have no warm, fuzzy feeling inside, because they're not even my memories. I'm keeping photographs from my grandparents. I'm keeping letters from my grandparents. I don't even know who the people are, and all of those things. And of course, there's a genealogy type situation going on with those kind of things and preservation, and so that's a different sort of matter, but you've really gotta look at you're never gonna get that feeling back. I mean, the only thing you know, just talking about this, the hand print. So to keep going on about the hand print situation, but the only, the only thing that I can think of, because I've got, sadly, not all three of my children choose, somehow One of them's gone awry, which is, really, I don't know how, but it has. And that's life, isn't it. So I've got the two first pairs of shoes from Leah and Luke. Obviously, the third child got missing standard stuff, like, you know what I mean, but I would think it would be lovely. I would love now to be able to frame those three first shoes, because that is cute, right? And they're all, I mean, Luke's are completely battered, and Leah's and not as but it shouldn't just, it just encompasses them as children, right? I would love to have all three, but I think if they then have their own children, then I think it might be like, oh, here, by the way, here's your shoes. And when you were, how old, like 1011, months on, when they start getting the first shoes, you know? And so I think that would it potentially might bring something more as they go through that era themselves, but probably not. Do you know what I mean? Because they're, they're less sentimental, I think, than we are as a generation. But, yeah, no, it's interesting, but, but challenge yourself, because I think we just get stuck in a but I have to keep that. I have to keep that because I'm doing a disservice to the other person, if not so, yeah, hand prints in a bin. No joking,

13:20
hello. Let me ask you this something. Lesley, do you think that some sentimental items are harder to do than others? So, for example, it's like, because I think a big one is like furniture or or maybe paintings or something, is that harder than than the hand print or scribble?

13:39
I think it's, it's nothing to do with the item and everything to do with the sentiment attached to that item. Yeah. So I don't, I think everything can be difficult, but I think it's about what that represents as a moment in time, and how vivid that memory is in your mind, and how it takes you back to a place where you're kind of, I loved that moment so much, and I need this represent, this physical representation of that in my life. That's what this is. This is about. Because at the end of the day, sometimes we do need things to evoke memories. It's like when Facebook memories come up on your phone, you know, like we forgot about that happening until it popped up. And then obviously you're like, Oh, that was such a lovely day. And then, yeah, like, you know, temporarily to a place. And that honestly is the reason why I actually post on Facebook lottery. You know, I think I got, I got kind of wrapped up along the stomach. Post very little now, but if it is a special day, Family Day, going out with friends, I will post it on Facebook, just because so that in five years time that I'll pop up on my memories, and I can go about, if that makes sense, because I won't scroll back through my phone very regularly, but I'll enjoy the memories as they pop up. And, you know, having a physical representation of that of a memory is a similar kind of thing that you need that item. Time to take you back to that place, to give you that vivid memory. And so I understand they definitely serve a purpose, but you only need one that. And that's the thing. You only need one so, you know, children's paintings is a really good example, because there's a passage of time and all that kind of stuff. We don't need everything. We really need to look at the very special ones. You know, it is this quality over quantity scenario that's so important. Yeah, and you know, in answer to your question as well, I think where other people are involved in those memories, I think guilt is such a powerful emotion, and so where other people are involved in those emotions, then I think that adds a whole nother layer onto something that might make it more difficult. I think if someone is if you've lost someone, then that takes it up another 10 notches, because you're desperate to obviously cling on to that and that's the only thing that you've got. You've got your memories, you've got the things from that person, and you can't interact with that person again. So that makes it difficult. But in general, I think it's all about the emotion that sits behind it, rather than the thing itself.

16:05
Yeah, I need to have a breather from that Lesley lesson. I think all our listeners are going, Oh, okay, so let's go for a break, and let's talk then about some practical things that you can do with your sentimental and items to see you soon. Well, everyone, welcome back. Well, during the break, I nearly had a break.

16:26
Yeah, during the break, Ingrid had a breakdown. So for anybody that doesn't know, Ingrid's just gone through quite an emotional journey, because her son, Max, has just left to go to university, and so it took her back a few weeks to the process of deciding what he was going to take with him, he's gone to Delft University in Holland. So not only has he gone off to university, he's gone abroad. It's not very far, but it's certainly the C is an additional barrier that means you can't just jump in the car quite as readily if he was still in the UK. So this is obviously we, you know that for anybody that's had a child go off to university, particularly your first one, you know, what a huge wrench that is. And so we were talking about, because we were talking about, like, handprints and memories and things like that. Ingrid was like, Whoa, tell us, Ingrid,

17:09
I know, I know. So basically, he went through his books, and he was like, Okay, I want to bring this with me. I'm going to mom. These are my sentimental ones. And these are, like, 3/5, of them can go. And I'm like, fine, fine, fine. And then he said, Oh. And, by the way, I think what I don't think I can. I really don't want to bring my Lego duvet set to to the to the university room. That doesn't feel right. And he's loved it. He's always been a massive LEGO fan for all of his life. And I went, Okay, that's fine. And it's been it's being used. It's done. And then I thought, so, I was tidying up the linen cupboard, and I came across this duvet set that we bought when we visited the Efteling, which is like our favorite theme park in the Netherlands, in the whole wide world. The kids love it as well. And he bought a Duba set. He asked for a Duba set with a dragon on it. And I thought, oh, yeah, he's too old for the dragon now as well. When I was like, talking about these hand print things, and I was like, in the break going, I need to rescue the dragon station Lesley, I can't let it go. I can't let it go. Nearly cry. I'm nearly crying, for those who know me longer, I cry all the time, but, yeah,

18:18
but I can't believe that you like that go. But that's like, that's an exact right? So that is, that's an interesting one, right? Because what we were talking about right at the beginning of this podcast, we were talking about the fact that something represents a kind of moment in time. So often, when we decide to assign something to a sentimental Memory Box, or whatever it's, the feelings at that time are very high, because it's something that you've just gone through. It's something that you were going through with Max and with him leaving and so on. But I'm surprised that you decided to donate, because I think that that is something that will make you smile, because that's a long journey. You know, we talk about hand print, that's just them going to nursery one day and putting a hand print on right? Yeah, but effect, perfect, yeah, the center point. Oh, that's cute sort of thing that's got a long history of it. So for me, I would go, Okay, I don't want to keep a whole duvet set, but I will keep the pillowcase. Yeah, that's what I would have done, because that would be sufficient to give you what you needed. Because as long as the pillar case is the thing that's got the dragon

19:23
on it, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you

19:25
don't need the whole duvet, right, but, yeah, you're never going to use the duvet again. And that's about splitting things down. You know, we talk about that all the time. You know, if you've got something that's bigger, that comes as part of a collection, you can keep one part of it, which will give that memory. So if that's a dinner service that you grew up with as a child. You can keep one component of that. You don't need to keep the whole 92 set. So for you, you don't need to keep the sheet and the duvet and the pillowcase. You can just keep the pillowcase, which is smaller so So are you going look at it? She's still crying. I know she's she's literally going to start the podcast now and make sure it's not. In the in the bin outside, waiting for the charity, come

20:10
back, come back.

20:11
I know. I think I'm gonna actually have to rescue the duvets. Well, Lesley, and you know what? It's interesting, because normally I'm really easy to let things go. But I think talking about this suddenly made me realize it was not only it was going to the F link with my mom and even my dad when he was still alive, and my family and how much fun we had. And it's, it's so much deeper than just a duvet with a dragon on it. So I think, actually, I actually, I think what I'm gonna I'm gonna, yeah,

20:46
but I think as well, you know, one of the things that we talk about all the time when we're on this podcast is we talk about the fact that you will make mistakes when you're along the way on your deep watering journey, and that you need to rationalize the fact that sometimes you do make mistakes and sometimes you can't get them back. So English has got the possibility at this moment in time, I hope to pull the debate back, you know, I mean to keep it and then a few years time, when her emotions have gone down a little bit with Max, she may feel differently, which was what we were talking about. You know, this is a key, pivotal moment, you know what I mean. And so I think you've got to recognize that sometimes emotions are much more heightened. You know, if, if your mum or dad has just passed away, there's no way that you're going to be ready to let go of all their stuff immediately, because your emotions are so heightened. But the passage of time allows things to dissipate. Um, sometimes we want that, sometimes we don't, and you might make a different decision. So a lot of times when it's about sentimentals, but sentimental items, we're talking about coming back to those further down the line, and then looking at whether you still have that feeling today that you had at the moment that you decided to keep it.

21:54
So it's really true. I think it's it really shows how important it is to leave things later in your journey. I mean, I'm an organized person. I'm good at letting go of items, so I can immediately, now identify, and this is something actually, no I can, I can take it back, and I've got the place for it. But a lot of people, you know, when you are looking at a whole house full of stuff, you need to start with your less sentimental items. You need to learn how to build up your decluttering muscle. You have to leave this until later in your journey so you feel more ready. And also, I think Lesley, what we also want to say with everybody, you need to take your time when you do sentimental items and enjoy the process, because hopefully a lot of your sentimental items will bring you joy

22:40
Absolutely. And I think that, yeah, so it's definitely you we, you know, we make no secret of the fact that we say, leave, leave, leave. Sentimental items. Gather them up along the way, while you're doing your other you know, the sentimental items will be scattered around your home, but as you find them, make sure you leave them till much, much later, till your decluttering muscle is stronger. But I think, but equally, don't do it in the same way that you do other rooms in your house. You know, obviously, we're going through not speedily, but we're trying. There's some pace involved in that. But, you know, sentimental license projects. You know, I did my a big one. I had done one for ages. I did mine in lockdown, and it spanned months, you know, to get to be able to enjoy that. And that was a time when I had the time, because there was nothing else going on, was there to go through that process and to be able to really evaluate, fine tune it and enjoy it. And it's one of the memories of lockdown that's there was actually going through my sentimental items and being able to reconnect with those things, and being able to have the time to share those memories with other people, which is also really important. So, you know, if you come across, you know, so if Ingrid comes across the dragon duvet in 10 years time, Max may forget about it, or there'll be many other things as a young, sort of 20 odd year old that he'll forget about and will become less important. And it'd be nice for Ingrid to be able to share or, you know, you gotta realize how much you loved that duvet, that kind of scenario. So do share those memories? If you find letters, if you find cards from people, if you unearth photograph, you know, send those things on the WhatsApp to people and go, do you remember this a kind of old school Facebook memories kind of scenario to be able to share these things with the people that you love. That's what this journey is all about. And everything leads to here, and that's why we want you to let go of all that kind of baggage that's holding you down to be able to get to the crux of what matters, which is your sentimental items and the memories that you have and the things that have made you tick throughout your life, but again, to sort of pare down till it is really, really, you know, so you can really enjoy everything that's

24:44
there. It's interesting listen, because this is so much so my mom currently, so she downsized during lockdown from my family home to a lovely apartment. She's so happy there. And then, of course, she was kind of she, she did, she did. Went through a lot of her stuff. She brought the most important things to her. But one of the things that we do in our family really well, especially my mom, was scrapbooking and really putting all the photos and the receipts and the the maps of all the trips that she made and and, of course, my dad passed away last February, so we then had to kind of find a lot of the photos that we wanted to do we wanted to do, like a photo, kind of slide show at his funeral, and we went to all of the books. And I think it really made made clear to my mom that there are so many fantastic photos, but there are also so many photos that meant something to her and my dad, and she loved always taking photographs of everything. So she rang me up a while back and said, right, made the decision. This is typically my mom, right? I've made the decision, I need to go through my photographs. And so then me and my sister are like, okay, Mom, we know how you are. Don't go in, like, all guns blazing and like, keep like 20 we you do need to keep some pictures that you know, okay, yes, the the lakes and the trees and all of, I think she's seen every church in Europe, I tell you now, and she's, she got pictures of every church, every altar, every organ, every it's like, okay, those can go, but just Don't go, like, going crazy, in declutter everything English,

26:22
pictures of me when I was five years old. Mom, please.

26:26
Also like over, I mean, as I said to I said, you know, I want you to keep the pictures of you and dad and of you and us and but yes, you know, we don't need the views and the things, because that doesn't say anything to us, but and also from the family, from your family. We don't want you to get everything. Yes, we might not know these people, but in you know, I just don't want everything to be gone and only kind of start when we were born. You've had a whole life before that, and I find it fascinating. I love seeing the pictures from the 60s with my aunts with all of the hair, like, Ha, you know, it's so fascinating. It's lovely so but she's doing that now, and I love that, and I'm glad that she is enjoying these moments as well. I think it is

27:11
about getting that balance right Ingrid, as you say, because there are people who lack sentimentality and do get rid of everything, and then there are regrets further down the line. But that doesn't mean to say that you should keep everything for other people. Yeah, but I guess it means that you need to be mindful of other people in your family and how sentimentality or the passage of time or history or genealogy kind of is represented for other people. So do you know what? I think that you know to sort of to close out, and we've talked about a lot of things, including the dragon Dover, in which Ingrid's like, literally waiting to run downstairs at this moment in time. So I feel like we need to wrap this up. And so I think that it's important first and foremost, to spend some time to go through your sentimental items. At some point, don't just leave them forever. Because, you know, in the scenario that Ingrid mentioned there with her dad passing away, we don't want something like that where you've got a quick turnaround to get photographs and sentimental items together and memories for a funeral. For it to be a huge undertaking, these things need to be available fairly organized. And so the importance of doing that is definitely there, you know, and it kind of is one thing that's off your mind at a very, very difficult time, that you can sit and you can enjoy so many, many people when they're preparing for funerals. Love that process of going down memory lane and being able to enjoy them at a time when they've had that really significant loss. And so I think it's important to kind of have your ducks a row in a row a little bit then. But I think ultimately, it's all about, you know, understanding why you are keeping what you're keeping, understanding that all of the things should give you evoke that very happy memory inside. We've not even spoken about bad memories. We'll save that for another podcast. But in a nutshell, we don't think you should keep any but I think the most important thing for me is enjoy the process of your sentimental items. Enjoy every minute. Doesn't mean to say it won't mean overwhelming process, because it probably will. But break it down so you can enjoy every single part of it. Yeah,

29:11
yeah. Ah, okay, I'm doing it. It's, it's staying, it's staying in my house. You

29:21
do realize the irony of you saying that your mum gets rid of everything and you're then I know the thing that you found like sub worthy you actually got rid of yesterday.

29:33
No, it's been really good. I really enjoyed this podcast, and I hope listeners that you enjoyed it too, and that you think of yourself actually. Yes, I've got loads of memories here, but what brings me happiness? I need to start carving out time to do this process. I want to have a look back and kind of enjoy all this fun, fantastic, happy moments and see them again and make decisions. What's staying in, what's going because I want to. Find the quality over the quantity. And maybe you've identified some items that you think, Oh, they're actually not sentimental at all. By listening to Ingrid and Lesley, my mind here went here or there, and I need to declutter some I need to create some space here so I can enjoy the things that I do want to see and I want to display. So thank you for listening, and yes, we'll see you soon.

30:28
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Episode 418 – Nesting isn’t just for new babies

Episode 417 – How member Michelle Decluttered Her Way to a Fresh Start one floor up

Episode 415 – A Declutterer’s Guide to Upcycling with Brenda Tasker

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